I long for home. Not my place here on this planet but home. I long to really be home with the Lord. I have sojourned for 31 years now and I am so home sick. I am so depressed. There are so many possible changes upon the horizon, but they seem to sit there. I want to just engage in my life. I am tired of living in the “On Hold” mold. I am waiting for the baby to be born. I am waiting to see if I am moving. My life is on hold and it has been for about 8 months. I hate being on hold. I wish I could move forward. I want to move forward.
I feel so alone and isolated in my pathetic life. I wish I could changes things for the better. But what would I change if I could? I don’t know. My feelings dominate me badly and I am subjected to their harshness. Will I ever get to a place where I truly walk by faith and not by feeling? Will I ever truly be in tune with the Lord whole heartedly? I don’t know. I am so tired of burning the Lord. I am tired of living in the flesh. It is so ugly and defiled. It is so unholy and crude. My flesh is my real enemy.
I have sought for home in everything that I have experienced. I have to conclude that I will never be fully content and satisfied on this side of eternity. The Lord has placed eternity in my heart and nothing will satisfy me n this side of eternity. I long for Jesus. I long to see his face. I don’t want to just imagine what you look like anymore. I don’t want to just picture how your voice sounds. I want to know you face to face. I long to know you my Father. Please reveal yourself to my wearisome soul. I love you and I desperately want to embrace you as you embrace me.
