Fallen

There once was a time when I stood up tall
Of course that was before I chose to fall
I stumbled and fell as I chose to give in
I listened to my heart and decided to sin

So I now reap from the fruit that I‘ve sown
As my heart becomes molded and shaped hard as stone
My flesh was once powerless; when I walked in God’s light
Yet now I am powerless; as my flesh extends its might

So what do I do as my flesh crushes me?
Do I call upon God and ask him to forgive me?
Sadly I don’t do this as this would be too wise
I fall deeper in sin as I fall into demise

I’m fallen, I’m fallen is all I can say
Yet not once do I look up to the Lord and pray
I do not repent and this causes more pain
I sink deeper in sin; as I’m bound and I’m chained

And of course I don’t see the bondage that I’m in
I think I’m ok; yet I’m not nor have been
Deception blinds my eyes and I think I’m ok
As my hard heart continues to decline and to stray

I crawl in my vomit and I drink it like water
Not realizing my sin leads me right to the slaughter
I think I can go on just like I am now
Eating up my sin as I down it like chow

Forgetting the judgment that will one day come
My sin makes my heart grow limp and grow numb
Devoured by my own lack of self control
If left to myself; I would crush my own soul

Yet there is still hope for a hard heart like mine
As my conscience convicts me and Gods light starts to shine
He looks into my darkness and exposes my shame
As he starts to change me; I am no longer the same

So yes I am fallen but forgiven as well
God takes me from the vomit and I start to excel
The Lord leads me to higher places than ever before
For I have now repented and have started to soar

I’m clean! I am clean are the new words I now say
I worship my God as I seek him and pray
Unworthy and humbled I come to His throne
Where I hear the words, “My son, welcome home!”

I stand there dumbfounded as I see the Lord’s love
I watch as his spirit descend upon me like a dove
I’m empowered as his spirit floods my saved soul
My hard heart is renewed as my spirit is made whole

My heart begins to break as I look all around
I see all my friends as they lay there all bound
They are all snared in the same sin I was in
I begin to pray hard as they are where I’ve been

I look past my friends and see my family as well
They are bound and are hurting yet they simply can’t tell
I start weeping and sobbing as I look further away
There are seas of lost people all bound as lost prey

I look up at Jesus as I hear him start to speak
“My son these are people who need Me yet are weak
Go to them and show them just how clean you are
And bring them to Me; bring them all from afar”

I replied to Jesus as I gazed at this sea
“There’s too many my Lord; how can I set them free?”
“You cannot my son; that is not your task
Just bring them to me; is all that I ask”

With God’s power upon me I do as I’m told
I go to my friends and I say, “Look, Behold!”
“I am clean! I’ve been washed; I am free from my bonds”
They just look up at me yet they do not respond

I speak louder and clearer as I grab on their chains
They begin to rebuke me; “Dude, are you insane?”
I stop in my tracks as I am caught off guard
“My friends, you don’t see this because your hearts are too hard”

In love I move forward and I continue my task
I bring each one to Jesus; just like he had asked
This toil overwhelms me as most people resist
They want nothing to do with me as they shake their fist

And though there are many too many to count
My heart cannot stop as I seek to help out
Each person I bring to my Lord without fail
He has freed them from chains; he has saved them from hell

So this is my task until the Lord takes me home
I will seek to bring people to Him wherever I roam
I do this because I can here the Lord calling
“My Son, there’s another, grab him; he has fallen!”

Written By Bill Scott, Sr. On 11/29/05

Journal 11/28/05

I just came back from a week vacation in God’s country…Florence Oregon. I love living in the Northwest. After a week of rest; I desire to jump into investing my time with all the young people of the Northwest. I pray that the Lord would give me wisdom on how to reach them and how to teach them about entering into His wonderful presence. I look forward to the work that lies ahead with eagerness and excitement.

Father, please use me to bring as many people into your presence as possible. Help me to redeem the time and to be fruitful as the days get darker and darker. Please keep my wholly sanctified and fully surrendered to You alone. In Jesus name I pray….Amen!

Eternity

I saw in my mind something that was so real
And I need to share this; it’s not to be concealed
This vision I saw; totally blew me away
This vision came to me as I sat down and prayed

I was lifted up to the highest of heights
I saw the ground flee as I began this flight
The mountains grew smaller; the higher I went
The earth began to flee as I continued to ascend.

After what seemed like hours; since I began to fly
I saw a bright light; in the far distant sky
The closer I got; to this bright shining light
The more amazed I was; as I took in the sight.

Angels were flying all throughout this place
They were shouting out words that were showered with grace
The beauty I saw was a lot to behold
I saw waters of crystal and streets made of gold

Music was playing; and it seemed to abound
As melodies sang their harmonious sounds
My heart was rejoicing as I took in these things
My ears then heard the words; "Behold! It’s our King!"

My heart skipped a beat; as I instantly cried
These were tears of joy; like the tears of a bride
I cannot express the emotions I felt
My knees started shaking; my heart began to melt

I fell on my face as if though I were dead
I felt a strong hand; that was touching my head
I looked up to see; who it was standing there
My mouth dropped wide open; as I looked and I stared

Lifted to my feet; by this Man's strong Hand
I began to sob; as I started to stand
He then spoke a word, which made my heart go just wild
He said, "Welcome home, My son and My child!"

I could not believe it; as I stood there amazed
It was Jesus holding me; as my heart filled with praise
The King of all Glory; hugged me right where I stood
I was in pure bliss; and this felt very good

"Enter into your rest; Enter in it with Me
I love you My Child; and I hold the key
So let's go together; as one thing must occur
I need to present you; to My heavenly Father"

With His arms held around me; I felt so secure
I knew Jesus loved me; I knew this for sure
We walk into God's throne room; we walked into it slowly
I heard creatures saying; "Holy, Holy, Holy!"

A man stood alone there; in his own defense
As Satan accused him; the courtroom was intense
The man tried to explain; just why he was good
But God silenced him right there where he stood!

"Have you ever lied?" was a question God asked
The man just said "yes"; as he stood there and gasped
"Have you ever stolen? Answer me; answer NOW!"
The man shook his head yes; as sweat rolled off his brow

"I cannot allow unrighteousness in here.
You chose to live in sin; you refused to hear
Your decision was made; as I have now heard your plea
The verdict I pronounce on you is GUILTY!"

"Depart from me now; for I know you not!"
Were the words that God spoke; as emotions got hot
The man then departed; in total dismay
I heard weeping and wailing; as he was cast away

The heavens then fled; as I stood there and trembled
A thunderous voice spoke; as everyone assembled
I looked in this court room; with God as the judge
I froze there in my tracks; until I felt a nudge

My heart sank in horror as I too became tense
Satan smirked at me; as I stood in defense
I looked up at Jesus; as I cried like a flood
"My Child; don't worry; you sealed with My blood"

Satan started speaking; accusing me of sin
I stood there guiltily as I shook in my skin
After what seemed like hours; after all he had said
He looked right in my eyes; “Hey Bill, you are dead!”

I started to sob as I knew he was right
I thought I was to die; as I stood there in fright
Then all of a sudden when I thought all was lost
Jesus stood with me; and showed His Father the cross

He said nothing at all when He hugged my poor frame
I saw scars on his hand; as he called out my name
He then looked to the Father; showed his hands as a sign
He said, “Father, Bill Scott, was sealed; he is Mine!”

I wept and I wept as I heard the Lord speak
I was humbled and thankful as the Lord kissed my cheek
And though I stood there vulnerable and exposed
The Father pronounced to the courtroom “Cased Closed”

I leaped and I jumped as joy filled all my soul
The Lord fulfilled His word; as he has made me whole
And now here I am; resting in the Lord undone
Because a long time ago, I placed my trust in God’s Son!

So this was the vision; that I needed to share
It started one day; as I sat down in prayer
One thing is for sure; it is a guarantee
We’ll either live in heaven; or hell in eternity!

Written by Bill Scott, Sr.

Journal 11/15/05

I am amazed at the grace of God. He has been so faithful and though I stumble and fall, my sin never moves the Lord. He has been so good to me. I had a vision about three years ago of this square that was sorta beige in color. It had steps on it and pillars on it and people were hanging out there. Then a year ago my wife and I were vacationing in Oregon and I decided to go for a drive alone and hang out with the Lord. As I drove I ended up at a place called Pioneer Square. There was a rave happening and there must have been hundreds of high school and college age kids there. The thing that intrigued me the most was that I saw Pioneer Square in my vision a few years before. That place was exactly what I saw in my vision and now I was seeing it right before my eyes.

As I drove around the square in my car, the Lord spoke to me saying, “There is a cancer starting in the young people of this city. And I want to use you to lead them to me.” I was blown away. I knew at that point that I was supposed to live in Oregon; so for the next 8 months my wife and I worked towards that goal, and then the Lord opened the door for us to move here this last May. We bought a house and now live here in Hillsboro Oregon.

So for the last year I have been thinking that I was supposed to minister at Pioneer Square; but I am not so sure that the Lord specifically meant that. For the last three years I have been seeking a confirmation of where to live. I have been asking the Lord to lead me as I lead my family and I now believe that the Lord did two things when he brought me to Pioneer Square last year. I believe that the reason he gave me the vision of Pioneer Square was so that I would know what location to live (i.e. Portland Oregon) and I also believe that the reason he spoke to me about the kids was because that is the area of ministry that he desires to use me in. What an incredible blessing.

So now my wife and I are slowly getting involved with the high school kids from our church. I feel that the Lord desires to use me in a very specific and unique way. He wants me to show these teens how to get fully into His presence. He wants to use me to lead these teens in worship and intimacy with the Master. So that is what I am doing. On Monday nights I pick up a few teens and we practice worship music. We work on dynamics and practice playing skillfully to the Lord. We seek to honor the Lord and to grow in his grace as He takes our hearts and leads us into the throne room of grace.

Then on Friday nights we have a time of prayer and afterglow. This is a place where the Lord takes what we have practiced on Monday nights and we then lead whoever is with us into the Lords presence.

The reason this is so cool is because Jessica and I have had Friday night prayer in our home for the last 3-5 years. And now I know why. The Lord was teaching us what it was like to be with Him so that we could take others with us as we enter into the presence of the Lord. This is so exciting. The Lord has been giving us new songs as he stirs our hearts and I believe that he is starting a new work with the young people of Oregon.

There is so much to share and yet I find it difficult to place words on what the Lord is doing. I do believe that God is going to fully capture the hearts of the young people in the Northwest and I am honored yet humbled that He may choose to use me. All I can do is drop my jaw and stand here wide eyed with an open mouth as I watch the Lord orchestrate this new and eternal work. All I can do is praise the Master for His incredible love for people and pray that I too would embrace others as He does. It will be cool to see what the Lord does in the weeks; months and years to come as I truly believe that the Lord is planting Jessica and I here for a long term work.

Please pray with me for the Masters work to be fully accomplished. Pray for maturity and growth and unity. Pray that we would see the Lord high and lifted up and that fruit would abound in the hearts and actions of all of the young people here in the Northwest.

Bill Scott, Sr.

Journal 11/9/05

Father,

I thank you for my salvation. I thank you for my wife and my kids and the family that you have given me. Thank you for all your many blessings that you have blessed me with. Please forgive me for not being as good of a husband or father as I ought to be. I am such a joke as a Christian and a father and husband. Yet you love me anyways. I know that you desire to change me from the inside out. I long for you to sanctify my heart. I look forward to the day that I walk in a glorified body; never to sin again.

I ask that you would use Jessica and I for your glory with the young people at our church and I ask for direction with Amanda. Please give us wisdom on what to do.

In Jesus name I pray....

Amen

Journal 11/4/05

Father,

My heart desires nothing less than you only. I need you Jesus. I want to sit with you and lean against your chest. I want to rest in your presence as there is so much peace when I am with you. I think about how the storms of my life overwhelm me so much. And then I ponder how the disciples were in that furious raging storm and they thought they were going to die. I have been there Lord. I thought I would die as the waters of life crashed upon me. And when the disciples came to their senses, they sought you. And what were you doing Lord? You were sleeping. You were so in control that the storm did not affect you at all. And I want to be in that place there Lord. I want to be next to you; held by you when the waters come crashing down. Because you were at perfect peace and if I were with you then I know that I would be at peace as well. So I ask that you would help me to get into that wonderful place today. I need to be in your arms and held by you. I need you to touch me and simply hold me today my Master. I look forward to tonight Jesus when we sit in your presence and wait upon you to share your heart with us. I ask that you would teach us a lesson in life tonight Lord. Please use me to draw others into your presence and please speak to all of us tonight when we are there with you. Thank you for listening to my heart.

Bill

Journal 11/1/05

Father,

I long to walk in righteousness. I truly desire purity of the highest degree. I want to be a man who walks with integrity and character yet I feel as if I can never attain this in my flesh, in this body. Please help me to continue in your righteousness. I ask for grace and mercy upon my inflicted sin stained soul. I ask for wisdom on how to be a good steward of time and of all the things that you have blessed me with. I ask for wisdom on what to do with the high school ministry and I ask for direction. Please use Jessica and I for your glory. Please fill us with all of you and lead us as we lead our kids. Please guide us into your presence daily as we long to be satisfied. I need you Jesus to consume me. Will you? Thank you my Lord, for being an incredible example for me to model my life after. Help me to glorify you in everything I say and do.

Amen.