Well today is Father's Day. And I could make today all about me being that I have 4 kids and all, but I don't want that. What is Fathers Day about? Is it about recognizing the one you love? Is it about rewarding a man for the few times he gets parenting right? Is it about stopping to pause and say thank you for the moments that a father spends with his kids each day? I don't know.
My real father was killed when I was 8 months old, he only lived to be 24 years old and I am 31 years old. I have out lived my father. I don't know what having a father is like. I had a step dad, but that is exactly what he was, a step dad who could care less about me. He never taught me how to throw a baseball or to shoot hoops. He never helped me with hard decisions in my life. I could never go to him when I needed to talk. I would seek his counsel and he would give me foolish wicked advice on how to lie and cheat. That is not what I needed, I need truth and solid wisdom shared with me. So I have a hard time knowing what a father is and what a father should be?
I have a 12 year old son that lives in another state that wants nothing to do with me. The bummer thing is that after searching frantically for ten years to find him and get him in my life and after I have spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars trying to get him in my life his mom and grandparents brainwash him into hating me. He is convinced that his REAL brothers (my other two boys) are not his real brothers but his step brothers because of his mom and his grandparents lies. And he is so not interested in me or his brothers that he doesn't even know that he has a sister who is almost three months old. He didn't even know that my wife was pregnant because he didn't want to know. And that truly breaks my heart because here it is Fathers day and I am unable to be the father that I want to be to him because of the deception of three people in his life. My only comfort is that he finally knows who I am and that I am here for him in hopes that one day he will return to me and see the truth and see that all I want to do is love him and be there for him. All I want is a real solid relationship with him.
So back to fathers day. How do I know how to be a good father or not? I come from a dysfunctional family and I can't look back in the past for help. I have no living father so I can't look forward towards the future either. That means that I must look up. I must look up into the skies and look at God. I do have a heavenly father who teaches me about what being a father is all about. He shows his heart through his words and actions. He tells, me, "Son, don't provoke your children but love them. Don't hate them and not discipline then, but love them through correction and teaching".
I see how my heavenly father treats me and I learn by his example how to treat my kids. I fail so many times as do my kids, and my father in heaven shows me grace. I need to show my kids grace. I sin against God on purpose sometimes and when I come to my senses and repent, I expect God's wrath to crush me only to see his open arms embrace me and comfort my broken soul. I need to show this and be this to my kids. God is patient with me and desires to spend solid time with me. God teaches me and shares his wisdom with me. God is involved with the daily things in my life and He pours out his heart to me. These are the things that I need to be with my kids.
I need to love them and be vulnerable with them. I need to correct them and guide them yet at the same time love them even when they fail. I need to lead them to places that I have been, which means that I need to blaze the trail first. I can't lead my kids to places that I have not yet been. So if I want to teach them about love, I need to love. If I want to teach them about grace and mercy, I need to 1st experience them, then I must have those things in my heart before I can give those attributes to my kids.
Fathers day! For me it's a day to reevaluate where I am and where I need to go. It’s about stopping and refocusing on the important things and applying them to my life 1st then passing them onto my children. As I stop and look at the Lord and see who he is, I will do my best to follow in his footsteps and as I do I will do my best to pass on all that I learn and all that I become to my children.
Will I fail? Well, I have a 12 year old, a three year old, a two year old and a 3 month old. So yes I will fail. I will most likely fail today as you know how toddlers are. But I will strive for a higher calling. I will aim to do better today than I did yesterday. I will try to become who I love, (Jesus) in my actions and in my heart of hearts. I will try to be like my Father in heaven who loves me because he loves me. He doesn’t care about my accomplishments; he cares about me. He loves me and I want to be that way with my kids. I love my kids because I love them and that is it. Fathers Day is about my Father in heaven and my goal is to learn and be more like him in my heart of hearts. That is what Fathers Day is to me.
Bill Scott, Sr.
