I would be an utter mess if not for the grace and compassion of the Lord. This email is lengthy, but this is what I went through.
My son Tobias (His name means "God is good") is a miracle. My wife's water broke at 18 weeks with him and we were told he was going to die. She carried him in her womb with no amniotic fluid until she was 26 weeks pregnant. and he was born while my other son was only 11 months old. So Tobias was born at 2 lbs. 15 oz. and was 15 in. long. He only had a 2-1/2 percent chance of living.
The day he was born they had to put him on a breathing machine and breath for him. The breathing machine was too strong for his lungs and it was blowing holes into his lungs which cause the air to get trapped between his lungs and ribs. The pressure caused his lungs to collapse....he was 3 1/2 months early (A micro preemie) and after only a few hours we were told he was going to die. 
My wife had a C section in the hospital across the street and we had to usher my wife (Who could not move) into the NI-CU to say goodbye to our son. It was devastating.....yet he did not die. They placed chest tubes into his chest which would suck the air that leaked out of his lungs into these tubes to release the pressure. He made it through that.He had to have 9 blood transfusions (8 of them were my very own blood). When he was 1 week old (27 weeks gestation) his stomach swelled so bad that it looked like a basketball was in him.
His stomach began turning black. We were told again that he was dying and that there was a problem with his intestines which was leaking and poisoning him. they had to do surgery right away or he wouldn’t make it. My wife was an emotional mess and I just could not cry as I was dealing with this thing internally and not externally. My wife approached me on this as she was getting angry that I would not weep. She felt like I didn’t care. I explained to her that I was weeping inside and then proceeded to write her a poem that expressed what I was feeling (When I wrote this poem is when I discovered that I could write pretty well). So I wrote this poem to my son Tobias but it was really for my wife. This is the poem:
God is good Tobias; He really is you see,
He's blessed my wife and I with you; you're here alive breathing.
I know its hard my child with every breath you take,
but son I really love you I'm here no matter what it takes.
My heart it aches with sorrow for all you have gone through,
you've had such a rough start Tobias and its getting harder too.
I don't know what tomorrow holds, will you be there with me?
I long to hold you in my arms please give all your pain to me.
My God's a God of comfort He'll hold you in His arms,
for I am weak with pain and grief and He has held me this far.
I pray that you won't pass away, but Tobi, if you do . . .
I trust that you will see my God and He will hold you too.
When they did the surgery, they found a hole in his intestines and they pulled his intestines out and he had a little piece of them out for three months. He actually came home with them on the outside of his body.
They did a body scan right before his surgery. And when they finished the surgery, they told us that they had good new and bad news. The surgery appeared to be successful, but when they did the scan on his brain they found major bleeding. He had bleeding on both sides of the brain and the were really bad. He would most likely be severely retarded or could die from them. They were grade three brain bleeds on a scale that only goes to four and he had two of them (One on each side of the brain).
Grade 1 – will self heal and go away over time
Grade 2 – will cause delays in brain function and minor retardation
Grade 3 – severe handicaps; possible death, and will need a shunt to stop the swelling that may occur in the brain.
Grade 4 – highly possible death and total retardation.
We were crushed. My entire world was torn to shreds and while we were dealing with this whole nightmare, my 11 month old was being almost entirely neglected by my wife and I and was spending 95% of his time with his grand parents (We felt as if we were failing him and there was nothing we could do about it).
Well to make a long story short, the brain bleeds have healed themselves (According to the doctor) but we know the Lord healed him.
After 79 days in the NICU (Newborn Intensive Care Unit) he came home even though his intestines were out side his body and he had a colostomy bag. He was on a heart monitor and it was tough. After a few weeks or a month (I can’t remember the dates now), his skin around where the intestines were got infected with a yeast infection. His skin started to shred like graded cheese. 
We would try to change his colostomy bag and the pain was so bad that he would scream out and then pass out for 30 seconds then wake up screaming and pass out from the pain. We rushed him to the hospital and they did another emergency surgery, but this time they were able to fix his intestines and put them back in. He was in the NICU for about a week or so.
When he came home; my older son Billy started having seizures and he was put into the hospital for about a week. He has not had any since and is fine.
When Tobias turned about 4 months old his eyes started crossing really bad. They were so bad that he couldn’t see in 3D but in 2D (His world was like a TV, with no depth perception).
After months of check ups and evaluations, when he was about a year old he had surgery on both his eyes and this corrected his eyes and he was able to see 3D for the 1st time in his life. It was like he was blind and received sight as everything was new to him and he was old enough to realize it and we were able to watch him as he saw these things in a new way (That was pretty cool). And now apart from scars on his body, he is 100% healed of everything. He is a normal 2 ½ year old boy and talks and laughs and is fully healed. And what I have found and why I am sharing all of this with you is that once all the dust settled and things got back to normal it was at that time that I really started struggling with everything that we went through. And that is where that poem “After the Rain” came from. Does that make sense?
Also, I think I am going to post this email on my blog as I think it would be nice for others to know about how faithful the Lord Jesus is.
After the Rain
Right after my storm; as the winds stopped and ceased
There was a great calm; as I sighed in relief
And though there is damage; from the previous rage
I can start a new chapter; and can turn a new page
But as the dust settles; and I clearly can see
I look through the rubble; though I would rather flee
Though all is destroyed; and there nothing but sand
I can still trust in my God; as He helps me to stand
As I survey the damage; and I calculate cost
The pain swells up in me; as I see all Ive lost
Though I tremble in horror; and I ask the Lord why?
I know the Lord loves me; and its ok to cry.
Its so overwhelming; as my emotions do flare
Its easy to doubt; that my God really cares
And yes the storm passed; yet the fierce winds were real
Its so hard to move on; as I struggle to heal
My eyes fill with water; my mouth gets all dry
My heart sinks in despair; as I long to die
My emotions, they hurt me; I hunger and thirst
My heart; it aches badly; I feel as if it will burst
The rain is now gone and the skies are now blue
Yet I still haven’t healed; from what I’ve gone through
And now time has passed; as life continues on
I still live in darkness; even though the nights gone
I know this sounds gloomy; what else can I say?
The Lord will heal my heart; as I seek Him and pray?
My worst fears behind me; or that’s what they say
I once felt victorious; I now feel like prey
But all is not lost; though I feel that it is
For my heart isn’t mine, it is totally His
And my God is faithful; Ill trust Him till I die
I will lift His name up; I will lift it up high
My God is my healer; he will one day heal me
And though I am now mourning; I will one day be free
For here is a truth; that I will try to explain
The Son always shines; even after the rain!
