for whatever reason I have been in a place that lacks inspiration. Am I backslidden? I would have to say yes. Backsliding doesn't always mean that we walk away from the Lord wholeheartedly. Backsliding happens when we stand off a little and distance ourselves from the one who loves us. And I have stood at a distance. I have not been in communion with the One who loves me as much as I should if at all and it really does hinder my life. It hurts me as my heart (which is desperately wicked) begins to rule my thoughts and I begin to obey my heart. This leads me to live for myself and this causes me to treat myself like a king. And whenever that happens...I am miserable and so is everyone I know. Because I was not created to be a king. I was created to serve.
So once again, I have asked the Lord to have mercy on me and I have repented in my heart of hearts. I can only pray that this is something that I won’t go back and forth on. Every time God’s word doesn’t work for me, it is because I didn’t put my faith in it. I may know God’s word, but I don’t believe it & I haven’t acted upon it! Because it is like this, “Let God be true & every man a liar (Romans 3:4)!” Let my heart be a liar, because it is! Because God is true. When my feelings are telling me that it doesn’t work, I can know this, they are lying to me. My feelings lie to me.
Man lies, you lie, my feelings lie, but God is true! God’s word is faithful, & it has effect. It will affect my life in a really big way, if I will allow it to. It will totally enhance & change me, but I need to draw near to God, & God will then, draw near to me.
Father,
You know my heart that I am desperately wicked. Please forgive me for being such a selfish prideful man. Please change me from the inside out and use me for your glory. I need you Lord and I am an utter mess without you. Please look over my sins Lord and have pity on a man like me. I need your grace and I need you. Please pour out your Spirit upon me and cause me to indulge in your presence like never before. Please satisfy the longings of my heart as they lie to me. Please take the blinders off my eyes so I can see when my heart is deceiving me. And when it is, please replace those longings with something that is pure, noble, and in line with what you have me here for. Help me to be a good and faithful servant; for I have not been good nor faithful. Please wipe my slate clean and cleanse me from the inside out.
In Jesus name I pray...Amen
