Father,
Am I even one of your kids? I feel like I am not even a Christian. I feel like my words proclaim your goodness and your truths but my actions deny you. Am I even born again? I don’t even know anymore. If I am born again, then why is it that I won’t walk the walk in Romans 6 where it says that I have been delivered from my sins? Why is it that I still choose to walk in the works of the flesh? I am a mess.
Have I truly repented from my sins Jesus? Or am I so deceived that I am going to be one of those who try to defend myself when I stand before your judgment seat? Will I be one who says, “I did this in your name and I did that in your name. I prophesied and I cast out demons in your name!” I fear that I will hear the words from you Jesus, “I never knew you Bill, depart from me you worker of iniquity!”
That scares me Lord. And if I am not one of yours how do I get into that place where I am yours? And if I am one of your kids, how do I get into that place where I walk in righteousness? Can I once for all be delivered from my sins? And how can I say I am born again if I constantly choose to willfully sin? How do I surrender to you?
Your word tells me that your sheep hear your voice and yet I have not heard your voice and if I have it has been a very long time. I need your help Lord. I know that you love me and are passionate for me, but I truly need you to help me as I am so unrighteous. I am so depraved and every part of my life is tainted in sin. My will is sinful, my thoughts, my heart, my actions, my motives, all of me is tainted with sin. Please cleanse me of this filthy unrighteousness Jesus. I need to be declared clean from all my uncleanness. Will you please pour your Spirit’s fire into my life and consume me Jesus?
Desperately seeking your grace,
Bill
