Oh what I would do have the kind of faith that it takes to climb out of this boat of unbelief and fear on into the crashing waves of obedience and intimacy with the Lord. I desire to step out of my comfort zone of apathy into the realm of the unknown. I long to go into that place where I am able to see you Jesus standing upon the shore as you hold out your hands calling out my name. But the waves are really terrifying as they shout out my name. The waves mock me and laugh at me. They remind me of all the times before when I tried to step out in faith and yet I failed and sank as they crashed down upon my weary soul. As the water rises and falls, twists and turns, I start to get a nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach as I feel sea sick; alone, and scared.
Yet the voice of Jesus calls out to me saying, “Do not be afraid”. The voice of Jesus speaks to me saying, “All this is for My glory son, trust Me”. I can hear the Lord though many voices are calling out to me. As the waves rise and crash around me yelling out curse words and blasphemies against me and also against my Lord; I hear through all the chaos the soft whisper of Jesus. “Do not be afraid, Bill. Come to Me. Take the leap of faith and step out into the unknown depths of the ocean’s tide.”
“Lord, the waves are simply too big. I can’t stand in this torrent of destruction!”
“Bill, do not be afraid, simply follow the sound of my voice. You will be ok, follow my voice my child!”
So I jump out of this boat of apathy into the raging torrents of despair in hopes of finding the One who alone can satisfy my thirsty and weary soul. The raging waters only terrify me; they do not quench the overwhelming thirst that invades my core being. And as I take this step of faith and jump into the water, I get drenched, I get beat up by the harsh cruel reality of the currents wetness as the winds of despair blow the raging seas all around me. I sob in total horror as the current overtakes me like a sudden flood. I am bitterly cold as the icy chill rips through my body. I am abandoned and alone. I start to sink as fear grips me. The waves screech and yell, “You are going to drown. There is no hope for you now!”. I turn and begin to swim in desperation as I head back towards the boat. “Where did it go? Where is the boat I just jumped from?” I look in every direction for the boat but it is too far away; it is too dark to see….I frantically splash as I kick my arms and feet while treading water to stay afloat. I am in a panic.
“Bill, follow my voice….”
Though I feel like I am all but dead in this violent downpour I start to turn towards my only hope. And this hope is not something tangible like the boat I came from, it is merely a voice in the distant horizon. As I tread the fierce storm waters and look to where the voice is coming from, I fearfully begin swimming as the thunder assaults me. I swim and swim and swim. I swim for days, weeks, months, years…I keep swimming.
“You are a liar, backstabber, betrayer, deceiver, LIAR” are the words that are thrown at me in my torturous swim of faith. “You are such a back stabber! You are a LIAR, You deceive everyone!” are the words I hear from the white wash waves as they punish and splash upon me. Yet in the midst of these harsh words I hear Your whisper, “Bill, follow Me….follow My voice.” I can see you holding onto my pain and using it to pull me closer to you and closer to your ways as I swim in your direction.
In absolute desperation I swim harder and faster, as I race frantically towards the whisper I hear in the distance. Your voice is so hard to make out at times in the midst of this storm. So I swim on hoping that I am swimming in the right direction as I am tossed to and fro in the waters of death. As the storm rages on, I swim enduring the sufferings that are inflicted upon my drenched and lowly frame. I am now desperately seeking and frantically searching for the voice of my Lord.
And though I don’t understand your ways Lord; I am passionately seeking the sight of your face as that is all that keeps me moving forward. You are all I am in need of now. I know it’s going to be worth it all once I finally see you. I believe that with all my heart. This storm of suffering that I am enduring will be worth it. How I look to that day that I finally make it to the shore where you no longer have to pull on the strings of my heart. For on that day, my heart will be fully in your hand. You will no longer have to tug; for you will have me fully; wholly and I will be safe in your arms as you are my hope and shelter as I endure this fierce storm.
Until then please help me to swim. Help me to run the race with endurance until I finally get to behold you in all your glory. Help me to follow your voice in the midst of suffering. Help me to cling to the hope of seeing you as I swim on in my insecurity. Help me to trust you when I start to lose heart and feel like giving up.
I can’t wait to see your face before me. I can’t wait to stand with you on the shores of eternity. I can’t wait to walk beside you; embracing you as you embrace me. I can’t wait to be surrounded by your glory. I can’t wait to be in the presence of my king….to sing and dance before my Lord. You are worth more than swimming in a thousand oceans and the more I swim the more desirable you become. You are far more valuable than the very life that I have to offer you. I worship you Jesus. I simply cannot fathom what it will be like on that special day when the race is finally over and you are there standing at the finish line. Oh the glory, what a wonderful day that will be.
