I praise You for Your glory! For You are Glorious and worthy of my Praise. You call me to abide in You. You desire fellowship with me as You alone are the Holy One. I praise You for Your glory. I desire to experience you, not in just an emotional way but I desire to encounter You. I want to encounter You. By Your Spirit You prompt me to respond to You. I desire to respond to You and Your Spirit’s prompting as You reveal Yourself to me. I want to respond to who You really are as I lay aside myself and exalt You the Heavenly King.
Please come and lift the burden from my heart as David cried out in Psalm 3:3, “But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head.” You are the lifter of my soul. I want You to take my hand and lift me up so that I can see Your glory.
To be Honest Lord, I miss those times with You that I had experienced in the past. I want to return to that special place and yet I am so unwilling at the same time. It isn’t that I am afraid of You or afraid of what You desire to do in my life, I really don’t know what it is that keeps me from where You want me to go and really where I desire to go as well.
I struggle with not having a best friend here in Oregon who is sold out to you. I miss the fellowship of being around someone like Craig or EZ. I miss being around those who are totally sold out to You and love their brothers and sisters in the Lord. It sucks not having someone who I can talk to about stuff that is on my heart. It sucks not having a male friend who I can share the good stuff and the bad stuff that is going on in my life. I miss relationships that have depth. I long for those again. I miss hanging out with the pastors who love you and are truly sincere and really care about you and others.
I feel so alone. I know I have my wife and she is a wonderful blessing. But I miss having friends. And yet I have no friends here in Oregon….I have many acquaintances, but no friends who call just to say hi. No one calls to see how I am doing, and that is ok, but it is so hard at times. The high school kids call and they are a blessing too, but I can’t pour out my heart to them as I could an adult male my age. I miss having a solid Christian in my life.
I want to please Your heart. I want this to be my desire and goal in life. I am called to love and adore You and I desire that. I want to bring my all to You in worship as I lay all that I am at Your feet. You are so desirable Jesus. I thank You for Your glory. I am grateful that You are worthy of worship. Please wash me of this world and wash me of my flesh and draw me near to You. Help me to see You for who You are as I thank You for the privilege of worship.
You are my Hope and I am utterly lost without You. I do not even know which way is up when you are not leading and guiding my steps. This world comes and crashed down upon me and yet You made me and I will not be shaken. Though I am broken into a million pieces I will yet trust you my Lord. I do trust in You. I really do. You are trustworthy. You have called me Your friend and You do satisfy me when all others fail. I fail, and they fail, yet You never fail me. And I am called Your friend if I keep Your commandments. Help me to keep Your commandments because I have not done a very good job at keeping them.
Death sucks Lord. It really sucks. Sin sucks, Chaos, uncleanness, depravity, all these things are so hard. I just don’t understand these things. Your eyes of fire look into the depths of my soul and you see me in this depravity and yet you say that you love me and you desire me. Why? WHY? WHY? Why do you desire me?
I miss You. I really miss you Jesus. I need Your love like the trees need the rain. I am like a man dying in the deserts and you are the spring of Life. You refresh me though I suffer through the garbage of the wilderness. Yet I thank you for the things that You have done for me. You have given me new life. You died and rose and gave Your life in a sacrificial way so that I could have life. Thank you. Thank you for being You. I love the way You are. You are so perfect and holy and You really do care about me. You care about my struggles and the sin I get entangled in. You really care and this causes me to thank you. You truly have laid down your life for me.
So I give you my heart so that you can free it from the chains of depravity that lay hold of it. I want to honor You with every part of my life as I cry out, “Woe is me!” I want to see You move and hear You speak. I don’t want You to remove the power of the Spirit in the life of the church. Without Your Spirit moving and direct me and us, we are doomed. I want to know you. I want to know your friendship and your fear.
I was totally destitute until you found me. And I remember the stuff that you delivered me from. I remember when I had no hope. And you delivered me. You are worth more than I could ever find in this world. Help me to take the salvation that you have offered and given to me with sobriety and seriousness as it springs up living water in my life. Help me to trust you as I partake in suffering. Help me never to partake in sin as I suffer so that suffering can have it’s perfect work in my life. Help me to place my hand on the plow and never look back. How I am so desperate and lifeless when you are not my all-in-all. So please hear my heart and please be there for me.
On the merits of Jesus and in His name I come to You my Holy Father. Help me to come boldly into Your throne room and into Your presence.
Amen
