What is happening to me? Why do I feel as if sudden destruction is about to happen? Is there going to be a catastrophe that hits close to home? Are these my last moments here on this planet? If these were to be my last moments on this planet what be my last words? What would I desire for my last words?
Hmmm… how about: I take a leap of faith into the arms of Jesus for it is by his grace alone that I can come to him boldly as he is my desire.
Or, how about, “Please go after Jesus with all that you have; as he is running the race before mankind and is now carrying me; for into His hands I have committed my Spirit.”
Or, “Jesus, take me home, my pilgrimage is over!”
I think my words will be something like this, “Finally I see the finish line is that Jesus? FREEDOM!!!!!!”
Though I do have this fear that I may be one of those people who acknowledge the Lord with my lips yet deny him by my actions. I do have a fear that he will say to me on that day, “Depart from me, for I know you not you worker of iniquity!”
Oh, God, please don’t ever say those horrible words to me; I beg you to have pity on me. I am a total failure in every aspect of life when I look at it from your perspective. I am a liar, a murder, an adulterer, a blasphemer, and the list goes on and on and on and on. Yet I do believe that it is the work that you have done that will cause me to enter into your presence. Is there un-repented sin in my life Jesus? Let that not be so! Far be it for me to live in separation from you. I need to live in total dependence upon you in every part of my life.
I need and desire you Jesus. Please take my life and make it yours. Please take me and do your work in me. Justify me Jesus! Sanctify me and please bring me into glory where I can bask in your incomprehensible glory and companionship.
I am unclean Jesus, I am unholy and I am depraved, and I am a slave to sin which you have freed me from. I am the source of the problem. You take the chains off and then I put them right back on again. How do I run from me? How do I repent of who I am? If I am the source of my sinful behavior, how do I change so that I no longer do the things that my wicked heart desires? How can I stop sinning if that is who I am? I am carnal, sold under sin. Why is this so difficult to figure out. I mean, I battle to do the simplest of things when it comes to holiness and yet I so naturally make my bed in vomit as sin is natural for me. Holiness is unnatural and it takes so much work.
Oh I am so grateful that I am covered by the blood of Jesus. You are the one who purifies and washes me. I cannot cleanse any part of me and I am unclean. You alone can wash me by your Spirit. Please send the Helper to help me Jesus. You made a promise to me that you would send him and not leave me as an orphan. Please open my eyes to see the Helper and to do as he says. I am so tired of grieving the Spirit of God. Please have mercy on me Jesus.
Bill
