Romans 5:1-2

ROMANS 5:1-2

"Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand & rejoice in hope of the glory of God."

When you have the word "THEREFORE" in the Bible, you need to find out what it is there for. So we see that in the 1st three chapters, Paul proves to us just how depraved we really are. But then he also shows us how we are justified. The book of Romans is a book of theology.

This book IS the Gospel. Any scholar or great Bible teacher will concur with this view. The book of Romans proves to us just how we were reconciled to God. It shows us that we are all guilty of sin, from Jew to Gentile. Then, Paul shows us how we are freely justified by God's grace, how we have received redemption, how we've received propitiation.
"Therefore, having been, or being justified…"

What this is actually saying is that we are currently justified. The "having been" speaks of some thing that has been done. When Jesus went to the cross, He said, "It is finished", then He died. When he died, our sin was placed upon Jesus, therefore we have been declared righteous, we are justified. It is a finished work, it is done. "Therefore we are justified."

The word "Justified", means we are declared righteous. We are looked upon as a righteous person. Our sin is not counted against us. We are now holy & sinless in the eyes of God. The word justified, just & justification, all have the same root word, "JUST". The book of Romans is all about how we are justified. The just shall live by faith.

You can break the word JUSTIFICATION down to say this:

JUST AS IF I'D NEVER SINNED.

Therefore, in my current position as a believer, I have been declared righteous. One of the main themes in the book of Romans is, "The just shall live by faith". You can find scriptures relating to this in Habakkuk 2:4, Romans 1:17, Galatians 3:11 & in Hebrews 10:38.

If you read the book of Romans, it will tell about the just. The book of Galatians tells you how you shall live & the book of Hebrews teaches by faith. So between the books of Romans, Galatians & Hebrews, you have the theme, "The just shall live by faith." If you read & follow those three books, you will have a very intimate & successful walk with God.

Now how am I justified? "By FAITH." The word Faith is defined in Hebrews 11:1. What is faith? We are justified by faith, in what?

We are justified by faith in the finished work of Calvary. We are justified by the cross of Jesus Christ. That is the only way we are justified.

So we are justified as we, by faith, receive what Jesus did for us. When we believe that He died & rose again, when we see & comprehend that his death was an atonement for our sins. Not only did His death & resurrection cover our sins, but by that, we are forgiven, Sanctified, Justified & now we have peace with God. Funny that FAITH is a fruit of the Spirit, (1Corinthians 12:9) which means that FAITH is a gift from God, which means that God give's you the faith that you currently have. So we can't even boast in our great faith.

"We have" Who is this person? We? The word "WE" refers to people who are under the blood, believers. That means us! We have… not we had & no longer have, but rather, we have peace with God. We have the Lord Jesus Christ as our redeemer, as our Savior. Not only did He forgive us our sins, but he made a way for us to approach God the Father.

The word "peace", is the same Greek word that is used in Luke 14:32 & Acts 12:20. It speaks of peace from war; to bind together that, which had been separated; to reconcile. It speaks of appeasing relationships. Why would man, why would human beings need to have our relationship restored with God? When did our relationship with the Lord sever?

(Genesis chapter 3, read it) Notice that in verse 8 that Adam & Eve hid themselves from the Lord's presence. Also, because of this sin, man was cast out of the presence of God, out of the Garden of Eden (verse 24).

The Lord show's compassion on Adam & Eve & even hint's to the sacrifice of Jesus when He made tunics of skin. In Romans, we now are able to enter into the Lord's presence because we are justified, because of the sacrifice of Jesus. We now have peace with our Maker.

Ephesians 2:14-18, Jesus is our peace. (verse 18 shows the Trinity again).

The word "with" in the Greek means facing. So you can read this text, "we have peace facing God." This same word is in John 1:1 – 2. "The word was with God; The word was facing God; The word was face to face with God."

The phrase "Through our Lord Jesus Christ" means just what it says. Just like in John 14:6. The only way to the Father, to Heaven, the only way to be forgiven & cleansed is through the Lord Jesus Christ.

Remember the night before Jesus was to be killed. The night before He was murdered, He was in prayer. He asked God the Father to let this cup pass. He said that He really didn't desire to go through this. But He also said that this was the very reason that He came into the world. He said let Your will be done Father, not mine. He said this three different times. (Mark 14:32 – 42) So as we all know, Jesus went to the cross, so there must not have been any other way. So that means that everything that we do in the Spirit, must be done through Jesus Christ.

The word "have" is in the perfect tense in the Greek. Which means it's permanent. That is real important, the Greek language is really strong & detailed. I know the perfect tense doesn't mean anything to you, it doesn't mean much to me either. I just know that the "Perfect Tense" means Permanence. So what is the text saying?

"through whom also we permanently have continual unstoppable access into His presence."

It is never not there for us. You have continual free access into God's presence at all times because of the blood of Jesus Christ, because of the work of the cross, its continual, its permanent, it will not stop.

He will not change His mind tomorrow & say "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, I'VE HEARD YOU CONFESS THAT SIN ENOUGH TIMES, YOU GET OUT OF HERE, THE ACCESS IS SHUT OFF TO YOU!"

The word of God declares that we have continual access to Him, regardless of how we feel, regardless of what we have done. Regardless if we have just sinned. Our feelings will lie to us, Satan will try to deceive us.

The word "access" in the Greek means to obtain access into the throne room of a King. Having authority to go somewhere where you normally wouldn't have authority to go. Like a peasant coming into the presence of a King. He didn't have access, there were things there that were stopping him. There were guards there.

Historically, the word "access" is speaking of a third party. There is the King on the throne, there is me the peasant & then there is the third party who would take me, who would clothe me, & would put royal garments on me & prepare me. The third party would clothe me & prepare me & then bring me & present me to the King.

That was my access. This guy who had access would come & take me off the street, give me a bath & clean me up. He would dress me properly for the Kings house. Then he would take me in there. That is exactly what we see here in this text. (Read Romans 5:1 – 2).

We see the throne of God. We see Jesus Christ coming as a man. We see Jesus Christ paying the price for us. We see Jesus Christ clothing us with His righteousness. We are justified & declared righteous in His sight. So this is what we have here, we have access through Jesus Christ.

So Jesus is saying here, "You have access through me, hold my hand, follow me, I am going to take you in there. I am going to present you as perfect too. I am going to present you to the King & now you have free permanent access to come in at any time."

Also, you can see a glimpse of the Trinity here. You can see, God the Father as the King. In order for us to get into His presence, we need to be washed by the blood of Jesus.

The Holy Spirit is the third person of the Trinity. He is the one who draws us to the Son, who in turn takes us to the Father. It is so amazing to see the work of the God Head. This is what you call the manifold grace of God. You have access by faith. By faith in forgiveness, in the blood, in Jesus. So you get to go by faith into this grace by which we stand (Zechariah 3:1-5).

Not only do we have access, but the Lord does something else to. He cleans us up. He removes our sin. When He went to the cross, ALL, I repeat, ALL of our sins were placed upon Him. Now the Holy Spirit will clean you up. You come to Jesus as you are & He forgives you. Jesus then places everyone of your sins upon Himself. The Holy Spirit then takes the blood of Jesus & starts to wash you. You are then able to go before the King. You have been not only cleansed from you sin, but you have also been delivered from your sin.

WE ARE NOT SO MUCH SINNERS BECAUSE WE SIN, BUT WE SIN BECAUSE WE ARE SINNERS!!!

Can you see the difference here? It is really important to realize the difference. Before you were a Christian, you had to sin, you were a sinner. Now that you are a believer, you are no longer bound to sin. You have been set free, by the Son of God. "Whoever the Son sets free is free indeed."

You don't have to sin anymore. You need to know this. God is not satisfied with you just being forgiven. He wants to have fellowship with you. He want's to present you as SINLESS, so we need to SIN-LESS.

As you start to mature in the things of God, you will start to be convicted of sin. Which means that after you have sinned, it will not be pleasurable. That is because you now have the living God living inside of you. He wants to keep you from sinning. Not only does He want to keep you from sinning, but He has given you the power to stop. Remember that Jesus said, "It is FINISHED".

The word "Grace" is like a diamond, it is pretty much salvation. There are many different assets different colors, to the word Grace. There are many facets to the grace of God. We have been saved by grace. When we say we have been saved by grace, we can automatically turn to the text found in Ephesians 2:8.

In that word GRACE, that manifold grace of God, there are different facets & sides to Grace. It all pours over into that word SALVATION. That deliverance from our present state. We have been DELIVERED!!!

The word "stand" is in the perfect tense. Again, this means that I don't just get to stand there once & not anymore. It means permanence. It's in the grace in which we permanently stand.

The word "stand" means, to stand fast, to remain, to abide, to continue. Which means you are not going nowhere. I'm not going nowhere. How do I stand as a man of God? How do I stand before the Lord? How am I going to make it through this life? By grace. Grace is what will keep you standing, it's grace. It is not about you. It is totally about Him, the Lord. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing at all. We stand by grace. It is His work that God Himself did. All that we do is receive it & say thank you.

The word "Rejoice" means to rejoice, to worship, to give thanks. It means that we can thank God for the Hope that He Himself gave to us. We can worship Him in song, in deeds, by our actions, through prayer. We can shout out loud to him in thanksgiving. We can raise our hands to him. We can rejoice that we are able to approach the Living God. We can enter into His presence, not because of who we are. Not because of what we did, but we can enter into His presence because of what He did for us. We can enter because of who He is. This just causes me to rejoice.

The word "Hope" is a real hope. It is not that we hope it will not rain, or we hope that we get a raise. That is more like a wish. We wish that we will get a raise. When we hope in eternal things, we will never be let down. When our hope, our faith is in Jesus, we are as good as there. Our hope to get to Heaven is by Jesus Christ. We WILL get there, it is a done deal. So hope means that it is going to happen. It is done. We have access into the Glory of God.

The word "Glory of God" means the presence of God. We can enter into the Glory of God. What a blessing that is.

"Who are we that God is mindful of us?"

So now as believers, we can & do, have that intimate relationship with God. He will speak with you, He will conform you into His image, into the likeness of His Son Jesus. Just sit back & let Him work in your Life. He will do things that you never even dreamed of. He did with me & now I am married. The Lord is just too good!!!

JESUS IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!!! LET US WORSHIP HIM IN OBEDIENCE! WORSHIP GOD BY OBEYING HIM.

Journal 12-11-07

Father,

Please help me find my way back into your everlasting arms. I desire to be in that place where we are together as one. I desire to be consumed by you; embraced by your strong hand, I desire to be in your arms. My heart should be so hidden in you Jesus that a person should have to seek you in order to find me. Will you bring me to that place? I long for intimacy with you Lord. You are incredible yet I find myself bound by sin and the chains tug at me causing me to lose heart. And sin keeps me from being in that place that I desperately desire. I desire you and I don’t want to settle for anything less.

Yet I know that in your faithfulness towards me that you have already delivered me from the bondage of sin. You have freed me and once I am free, I am no longer a slave to sin but to righteousness. Help me to live out practically what you have desired all these years for me to live. Help me to walk in your steps, totally aligned with you as I simply follow after you Lord.

Oh the freedom and peace that comes with walking in union with Jesus. Oh take heart my soul and listen to the words from my lips. How long will you rebel and stray from the One who loves you with a devotion beyond comprehension? How long will you run from the grace that gives you the peace you desire? Run, yes, but not away from the Lord but rather run into the arms of Jesus. Flee youthful lust and call upon the Lord out of a pure heart, with a pure conscience with those who call upon the Lord in the same manner. Pursue the One who has pursued you and subdued the sin nature that weighs you down.

Oh God, you are beautiful. Your holiness is pure, noble, right, and sweet. You are wonderful, incredible, beyond comprehension and you love me. Thank you for loving a man like me. Help me to love you with all of my heart, mind, body and soul. In Jesus name, please hear this prayer and lead me into your ways.

Bill

Journal 12-10-07

It’s been awhile since I have written anything in here. It has been a long season. My 2 year old daughter had pneumonia over Thanksgiving weekend and was in the hospital and then all of us have been sick since then off and on. So it has been a long month and the bills are piling up but God is faithful. I know he will come through as he always has and I am grateful that he has come through so far. My daughter is fine. The rest of my family is fine now but what a long month.

Journal 11/21/07

I don't even know how many times have I found myself doing those things in which You do not delight Lord. Oh, how I hate my past. I have so much regret and when I stand before you on the day of judgment, I know I will have no words to defend myself. I will have no excuses. All I can do is ask for mercy through the merits of Jesus through His sacrificial death on the cross on my behalf.

Heaven is Your throne O Lord and earth is Your footstool. How I am so grateful for that Father. You have all things in your control. Time and again you show yourself faithful to me yet each time I doubt and struggle with believing in your faithfulness to provide for me. When will I simply trust you even when things appear as if they are against me? I think about Isaac in the OT when he lost his son Jacob. He was so distressed and then when he lost Benjamin he said, "All is against me!" Yet things were not against him at all, they were divinely orchestrated in his favor. He just could not see behind the scenes at what you were doing.

Yet how many times do I cry out those same words, "All is against me!" Why do I declare that when you declared in Romans, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" The truth is that you love me and I need to simply embrace your unhindered devotion to me.

Isaiah 62:5 says, "For as a young man marries a virgin, so shall your sons marry you; and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."

I can't believe that you actually rejoice over me. I mean, I do believe it, but I am amazed at that. You know where I have been, and in those places of depravity there is no rejoicing, yet you rejoice over me and I am grateful Jesus. I don't deserve you and have been an absolutely horrible ambassador for you. Instead of representing your kingdom in this land, I have taken the gods of this world and have made this world my home. I have indulged in everything this world offers and I have made my bed in hell.

Can you still use me for the advancement of your kingdom in this land? Am I still usable Jesus? What do I need to do to be used by you and to make what is left of this life that you have given me useful for eternity? What can I do to make my life count in eternity?

I was talking with a friend last night and he really brought clarity to me. If your grace doesn't cover all my sins then you don't have any grace at all……and the truth is that your grace does cover all of my sins. OH THANK YOU JESUS! I am so grateful that I am one of your children. Am so thankful that you pursued me with the passion in which you did. Thank you for loving me Jesus. Thank you for life and life more abundantly. You are the greatest thing that has EVER happened to me….. I love you Jesus.

Bill

Journal 10/30/07

Why am I afraid of the judgment to come Jesus? It is because I know where I have been and I know that I have been in some really dark places spiritually. And though I can move forward, I still have to face you on that day over the places that my heart has taken me. I will be held accountable for the things that I have freely indulged in. I am terrified of that day Jesus. Because the reality is that when the time comes for me to give an account of what I have done in the body whether good or bad, I will come up empty handed and I have no excuse at all.

Please forgive me Jesus and have mercy on me……..

Please unveil my eyes so that I can see you Jesus and unveil my heart so I can know you intimately.

Journal 10/29/07

What is happening to me? Why do I feel as if sudden destruction is about to happen? Is there going to be a catastrophe that hits close to home? Are these my last moments here on this planet? If these were to be my last moments on this planet what be my last words? What would I desire for my last words?

Hmmm… how about: I take a leap of faith into the arms of Jesus for it is by his grace alone that I can come to him boldly as he is my desire.

Or, how about, “Please go after Jesus with all that you have; as he is running the race before mankind and is now carrying me; for into His hands I have committed my Spirit.”

Or, “Jesus, take me home, my pilgrimage is over!”

I think my words will be something like this, “Finally I see the finish line is that Jesus? FREEDOM!!!!!!”

Though I do have this fear that I may be one of those people who acknowledge the Lord with my lips yet deny him by my actions. I do have a fear that he will say to me on that day, “Depart from me, for I know you not you worker of iniquity!”

Oh, God, please don’t ever say those horrible words to me; I beg you to have pity on me. I am a total failure in every aspect of life when I look at it from your perspective. I am a liar, a murder, an adulterer, a blasphemer, and the list goes on and on and on and on. Yet I do believe that it is the work that you have done that will cause me to enter into your presence. Is there un-repented sin in my life Jesus? Let that not be so! Far be it for me to live in separation from you. I need to live in total dependence upon you in every part of my life.

I need and desire you Jesus. Please take my life and make it yours. Please take me and do your work in me. Justify me Jesus! Sanctify me and please bring me into glory where I can bask in your incomprehensible glory and companionship.

I am unclean Jesus, I am unholy and I am depraved, and I am a slave to sin which you have freed me from. I am the source of the problem. You take the chains off and then I put them right back on again. How do I run from me? How do I repent of who I am? If I am the source of my sinful behavior, how do I change so that I no longer do the things that my wicked heart desires? How can I stop sinning if that is who I am? I am carnal, sold under sin. Why is this so difficult to figure out. I mean, I battle to do the simplest of things when it comes to holiness and yet I so naturally make my bed in vomit as sin is natural for me. Holiness is unnatural and it takes so much work.

Oh I am so grateful that I am covered by the blood of Jesus. You are the one who purifies and washes me. I cannot cleanse any part of me and I am unclean. You alone can wash me by your Spirit. Please send the Helper to help me Jesus. You made a promise to me that you would send him and not leave me as an orphan. Please open my eyes to see the Helper and to do as he says. I am so tired of grieving the Spirit of God. Please have mercy on me Jesus.

Bill

Journal 10/26/07

The winds have tossed us to and fro as they blow our lives in every direction. I sob as I see the sky turn red and wake up to face another day of my people ignoring the Lord. Oh the abyss awaits for all of humanity who do not know you Jesus. Why will we as a people not surrender ourselves to you? Why are we so deceived? Why are we so hard hearted?

We are self destructing and we don’t even see it. Why are we so blind? Why do we call evil good and good evil? Oh Jesus have mercy on us as a people. We are so wicked and yet in the hardness of our hearts we don’t see what is happening to us as a people.

I pray that you would humble us and causes us whether great or small to see reality. Let us see that you are real, that you will not be mocked and that you still desire to pour out your grace and mercy upon all of humanity. Please help us to see the truth. Help us to repent and turn from our wicked ways. Help us to see you in your glory as you are the risen Christ, the Son of the God Most High.

Help us not to trust in wealth or the military, or technology, but to trust in you only. We think we are so sophisticated yet we are not. We are simply carnal, perverse, and totally depraved.

Jesus, please cleanse our land of unrighteousness and wash us with your Spirit. Please forgive me as I am just as guilty if not even more guilty than my people. Have mercy on us Jesus and bring revival to our land once again.

In Jesus name I ask and petition you my King, Amen

Journal 10/24/07

So often we equate the love of God with mercy, and tenderness and we at times willingly forget that the Lord is a God of justice. He will not tolerate wickedness for too long and there comes a point in time when the sins of the land reach the heavens and become a stench in the nostrils of God.

In Genesis God judged the city of Sodom and Gomorra because the outcry of wickedness was so great that it reached heaven and when the Lord visited the city all the men young and old had the desire to rape the Lord (Like that will ever happen!). So the Lord blinded them and got Lot out and destroyed that city.

In Revelation, 19:11, it reads:

11 Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. 12 His eyes were like a flame of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. 13 He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. 14 And the armies in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses. 15 Now out of His mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. 16 And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

Notice verse 15, “15 Now out of His mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God”

Jesus is going to judge the world for its sins as he cleanses this world of its sin and makes war with the enemies of God.

Now this is speculation only, but I find it interesting at the same time that the governor of California signs into law SB 777 forcing homosexual behavior as acceptable in the schools that the fires start breaking out uncontrollably in the State and over 1 million people need to be evacuated THUS FAR.

Then we have our demon-crats in Washington rushing through the ENDA bill again placing the homo, Bi, and lesbian sexual behavior as federally protected behaviors.

Is it me or is there a pattern here? Judgment was placed on Sodom and Gomorra with fire and brimstone when homosexual behavior became mainstream and the focus in politics. And as it were then, so it is now, and now California is on fire…..

I am sure people will disagree with me and that is ok, it may not be long that I can proclaim this here in America but at least for the moment I do indeed have the freedom to share my opinion.

And I have not even touched on Zachariah’s prophesy against all those who decide to split up Jerusalem that God would come against them; and here we are having Condalisa Rice publicly saying that they want divide up the city of Jerusalem and if Israel will not agree, then the USA will publicly blame Israel.

I fear that we are only seeing the beginning of devastation that faces America and the rest of the world for that matter. I do pray that God would show mercy once again, but at the same time, God is a righteous judge who judges in holiness. I believe that if I am to live out my life without dying prematurely that I will be living when the rapture takes place. We are that close and I believe that the world as we know it will no longer be “business as usual” but that we are jumping towards the end of the age.

You can call me crazy, or a right wing nut, but I do believe that we are about to experience something so intense that nothing in history will be able to compare with what is to come. Please make sure that you are spiritually right with your Creator and that you are walking with Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith.

Bill Scott, Sr.

Quote

“If sinners are to be damned, let them leap over our bodies to do so”

Charles H. Spurgeon

Journal 10/18/07

There comes a day when we must all face our Creator and give an account for the things done in the body. I fear that the things I have done in the body may have offended the Creator of my soul and if not for his unbending grace and love towards me, I would feel totally hopeless. Oh how I cling to the mercy of God. Jesus, please have pity on me the worst of all hypocrites and sinners.

Jesus, please forgive me for ALL the things that I have done in this body of mine that have shamed your name. Please have mercy on me and use me for your glory. Please take my life and make it yours. I really do regret the things of my past whether I did it in the recent past or in the distant past, I regret not surrendering my all to you.

I plead with all of you who read my blog; PLEASE give your all to Jesus today. Don’t let another minute go by where you are not walking in perfect communion with the Master of your soul. Jesus is worthy, do you hear me? He is worthy of your life. He shed his blood and redeemed us and has given us power over those sins that entangle us. Don’t live another moment unless you are living in perfect communion with Jesus, the son of God.

Bill

Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I wanted to write you and share with you my heart
Although you already know it, I still want to start
For you alone are worthy of all honor and praise
My Jesus, I want to serve you all of my days.

My past has been ugly, it has been a big mess
As I’ve boasted empty words and still remained faithless
Yet you have remained faithful; for you never shift
You have poured out your love and your grace as a gift

This is my love letter to you my Lord
I desire to praise you as you are my reward
How can words ever explain just how great you are?
Words simply cannot; even wise words from afar.

I look at creation and the work of your hands
I stand back in awe as you’ve numbered the sand
I look at the stars, and galaxies far away
You spoke them into existence as they are there on display.

I look at redemption and the good news you bring
I start rejoicing as I dance and I sing
You are so wonderful, yet I still don’t have a clew
All I know is that I need so much more of you.

The passion you have towards me is amazing
When I experience you Jesus, I cannot stop praising
You are the Great I AM, the Mighty God and King
You rejoice over me every night as you sing

Oh Jesus I love you, yet not as much as I could
For my heart has been hardened and that is not good
Please help me to surrender to you alone
As I bow down before you; as you sit on your throne

Bill.

Journal 10/8/07

I hate not being with you, Jesus. I want to be with him in eternity so badly. I want to live in total abandonment to Your will yet the flesh prevents me from reaching the fullness of this desire. And I hate my flesh. I hate the fact that I love the flesh at times and hate it at other times. I hate this body of death that I live in. I want you Jesus….I really do. I want the glorified body so that I can take in your glory and behold you in your majesty. I hunger for you Jesus, I need you, I desire you, I MUST HAVE YOU!!!!!!

Please conform me into your image as you alone are my hope and desire…….

Journal 10/5/07

No matter what happens, the Lord Jesus Christ is good….always remember that. There is nothing better in life than total surrender to His wonderful will and when we finally realize that and finally surrender, oh how blessed that is.

Is today the day that I finally surrender my everything to the Master of all things? Oh Jesus, use my life to bring you glory. For too long I have shamed you as you know where I have been. You know that my lips praise you continually yet my heart has been so far from you. But I repent, I again come to you in surrender and I ask that you would take the shackle of sin off of my life. Why is sin so enticing and though I know it brings death, why do I bite it? I know that I will regret the things I have done, but its too late to change them Jesus. All I can do is live for you and your glory now. Please forgive me for the bad things I have done and the good things that I have not done. Please cleanse me from the inside and make me a brand new creature.

I am so frustrated with the hardness of my heart Lord. Please deliver me from self and from the oppression of the enemy. Help me to no longer live for the pleasures of this world. I don’t want to be a friend of the world because in doing so I have become your enemy and I HATE being in that place. I want to be on your team and an enemy of the world. I want to make my bed in heaven, not in hell and yet I have done the contrary. Oh Jesus have mercy on me. In your loving kindness and tender mercy, please over look and forgive my transgressions, iniquity, rebellion and sin.

I do love you Jesus, and yet I fear that I am not even saved, so I am left with trust. I have to simply trust you that your word is true and that you love me and that you are faithful to save me, because I do believe that you alone are the only way to heaven. And so I trust you contrary to my feelings that you will indeed save me and take me home.

I want to have the passion of Paul and Peter, and all the other saints of old who gave themselves to you in total abandonment. Will I ever be that way?

update

I have not really written much these days......don't know why.

Bill

Journal 9/11/07

Oh how I want to see your face Jesus. I long for you. You are so beautiful and I want to behold you in all your glory. I am desperate for you Jesus. I want to be embraced by you and I want to embrace you. I cant wait until the day that I can receive a physical hug from you. That day will be so amazing to me.

Your grace overwhelms me in a good way as you simply love on me. Why Lord? Why do you love me so? Why did you create me as I am and in this day and age? One thing I know and I pray I never forget is that I realize that I need you more now than I have ever needed you in the past. I cant take another breath without you. When everything is stripped away from me and I am left here standing totally bare with only you, that will suffice. You are what I need and all I need.

I am so tired of living the American dream with the house, the two cars, the 2.3 children and white picked fence. I feel as if there is so much more that you are calling me to and I desire to align myself in that calling. Are you calling me to the nations of the world Father? I want to go wherever you take me. Would you want me to move to India? China? Where do you want me? Do I stay in Portland? I cant live the shallow American lifestyle anymore, it is so depressing and there are really no eternal rewards.

What is it that you want me to do? Please pour out your Spirit upon me and give me your heart. I want to be a man that goes after you with all of my heart and a man who loves people as you love them. Please do that work in my life Jesus. And please align my wife and kids with your heart as well so that we are one unit walking in the calling that you have given to us.

You are worthy of all honor and praise Jesus. You are worthy of brilliant majesty as you are the King of kings and you reign in righteousness. You show mercy to a 1000 generations and you have shown mercy to me time and time again. You alone are the God who delivers me from the wretch that I am.

Oh how I sense you calling me away unto yourself. I sense that you are in the process more than ever of chasing me down and bringing into that place where you are my substance and my end. You Spirit is chasing me and I refuse to run because your splendor is awesome to take in. I want all of you. I want to wrap my arms around you. I want you, I MUST HAVE YOU!!!! You are so incredible and I am blown away at your compassion and tenderness.

Take me fully Jesus. I am yours and want to remain with you forever.

Bill

Journal 9/10/07

If today was my day to die, what legacy would I leave behind? Would I have lived to honor the Lord or would I have dragged his name through the mud? Will my kids know who Jesus is? Will they be known by Him as His? Will they see me as a man who loves God and will they desire to walk my path? Or have I lead them away from Jesus as I trod down the path of wrath and self destruction?

I have seen what lurks within me and it is the worst of all blackness. I am a man in need of a Savior. The demons call out to me by name and entice me daily. How many times will I listen to them and bite the bait that they offer?

Oh God, I worship you for you are the Holy One of Israel and I am in need of you so desperately. I feel cut off. I feel hell bound and yet, I refuse to obey my feelings for they deceive me time and time again. And though I feel like I have lost my place in your kingdom, you have declared that I have a place and that you love me. Thank you Jesus because it is so tough to walk when my feelings purposely lie to me about you and your greatness.

So back to my thought. If I were to die today, I want every moment from here on out to be lived in total surrender and abandonment to Jesus. He is the only one that matters. He is enough and he alone is all I need. I want to know the Lord in a deeper way. I want to know the thoughts of my Lord and I want to live as his redeemed one in every moment and in all circumstances.

How I pray that my children come to know the Lord. Oh God is so good. His mercies are new every morning and it is always morning somewhere in the world. And I will put on these tender mercies as I want to be more like Jesus.

I want my life to reflect his purity, yet it hasn’t. I want my life to reflect his greatness, yet again, all I have reflected is me. And there is nothing pure or great about me in and of myself.

Jesus, I again come to you in worship and surrender. I want you to be my everything. I want to love you more than I love food, water, air or sleep. I want you to my only passion in life. I want to be so consumed by you that nothing else matters in comparison.

My heart is broken Jesus. I pray for a healing yet at the same time, I need a time of brokenness because these are the sweetest times for me spiritually as I really do learn to trust in you.

Please use me to advance your saving gospel and help me to bring everyone I come into contact with to you. I want to live out the rest of my days, bringing saints and non believers into your presence so that they can see you in all your glory. Please anoint me and sanctify my by your Spirit whom I have grieved far too many times. Please grow me in grace and compassion and help me to follow you with my whole heart, never looking back…..I want to run this race with endurance. Help me to endure and to remain focused on you. I love you Jesus, not as I ought to, but I still do love you. Help me to love you the way that you desire. Please restore me and pour out your Spirit upon me.

On the merits of Jesus alone I ask you to do this Father, Amen.

Bill

Journal 9/7/07

Father,

Your grace reveals your beauty. You bought me at a price that I cant imagine as it is so high. You see the depths of my heart yet you still love me. I am so blown away. I pray that you would be merciful on me and that you would continue the work that you started before the foundation of the world when you chose me to walk closely with you. Please wash me thoroughly. I need you, I need your compassion and pity. Please take pity on me Jesus. Please heal my broken heart from the depravity that it has embraced for so long. You are so wonderful and glorious and I regret all the times I have shamed your wonderful name.

I raise my hands Jesus as your mercy falls upon me and I receive your washing. I surrender, I quit. I am tired of fighting and resisting you and your greatness. You deserve nothing less than my total surrender and that is where I want to be. And though I cant promise where I will be tomorrow or even tonight, I promise that right now, right in this moment I give myself to you. Please do as you wish with me and help me to rejoice in you no matter what happens to me in the future. I give you all of me right here, right now, in this moment.

That past is gone and the future does not exist, all I have is the present and that is what I am giving to you. Oh how I want to be like the Saints of old where they lived and died in total abandonment to you Jesus. How do I get in that place and stay there? I want to be a man who lives and dies to bring you glory. Because your glory is the only thing that will last throughout the ages. Teach me to number my days so that I will no longer sin against you.

Bill

Todays devotional

http://ginaconroy.com/groupblog/wordpress/?p=592

Please check it out, I wrote one for each Wednesday for the month of August.

Bill

Journal 8/28/07

The world has crashed down around me as I am effected by the horror that is inflicted upon my soul. I never wanted to be the one to break your heart Lord. I need to find a place to rest before the sun sets. Will I lay alone? Will I have to lay my head upon a stone? And if I fall asleep will I have nightmares? Because my nightmares do not end when I am awake.

Strong winds are ravishing the waters as the waves crash upon the shores of my life. I hear the whistling of demons as they taunt me in their fury. I am in a time of despair and the outlook is grey. I feel so alone.

I have been wounded. I am desperately seeking mercy as I lay here desolate. Like a mad man I have hurt the ones I love and more than that, the One who gave himself for me. My soul longs for rest. My soul cries out for the city of peace as my heart beats relentlessly in total desperation for freedom from this body of death that I find myself trapped in.

I am hurting Jesus. Please lift this weight that I have placed upon my shoulders and help me to walk in total surrender from this day forward.

I need to hear your voice Jesus through the winds and this storm. I need to hear you. Please call out to me so I can find my way back to you. I long to be safe in the shelter that you provide in the cleft of the rock.

I know that there is no one else who can love me more than you do. And I am so blessed to be loved by you Jesus. Please hold me until this pain in me is gone. Please forgive me Jesus for doing my own will and not yours. Please forgive me for taking all the blessings that you have given to me for granted.

Forgiveness is essentially your way of removing the great obstacle to my fellowship with you Father. By cancelling my sin and paying for it with the death of your own Son, you open the way for me to see you and know you and enjoy you forever.

Thank you Father for loving me.

Bill

Journal 8/27/07

Funny how my emotions are right now. I am convinced by my emotions that You are going to crush me for my rebellion and wickedness towards You. That is what my emotions tell me. They tell me that You are going to reach down and wipe me out which is what I deserve. Yet in reality, if I get wiped out, it will not be because of Your anger against me or anything of that sort, it will be solely because of the sin that dwells in me and the poor choices that I have made over the years. I am the worse of all sinners as I have known the truth and rebelled against.

Are You still with me Jesus? Or have I crossed the line where only retribution awaits me? I hate the things I have done. I hate my past. I hate and despise all those times where I sinned against You. Will You have mercy on me Jesus?

I need mercy. I need mercy. Please take pity on me Jesus. Please heal me and restore me to the place where You have called me to be. Please help me to be a better husband and father. I am so gripped with fear as I await that day when I stand before You shamed by the poor choices that I have made. And I ought to be looking forward to the day when we meet face to face. I want to fall in love with You Jesus. I want to be fully consumed by Your greatness that I live to worship and praise You. But my strength is gone. I am a tree in the dessert withering away in the dryness of the scorching sun.

How in the world can I continue if I cant find You Jesus? All the things that I desired in my youth I regret now as they were so selfish and self centered. I want to be a man who pursues goals of lasting value. Oh my heart fails me. I feel like Matthew 15:8 is a scripture that you wrote specifically for me. For it says in Mathew 15:8 – These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me.

I can appear so spiritual on paper. Yet writing a devotional or a journal entry or a poem does not make me any more spiritual. What is the point of these things if my heart is far from You? And my heart has been far from You for a very long time.

My hope is 1 John 3:20 – For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. I hope this says what I think it says in the context of this journal entry. Because my heart condemns me and it should for I have sinned and sinned and sinned against You Jesus. Please forgive me for the rebellion that I have been in. Please forgive me for not going after you the way that you deserve. Please forgive me for choosing sin over intimacy with you.

I am sick to my stomach because of the things that I have done. Please forgive me Jesus and help me to walk in a manner that is pleasing to you. Help me to rejoice in the joy of my salvation once again and teach me Your ways Lord that I may walk in truth all the days of my life.

I know that I am your desire. I am yours, have your way with me. I commit my mind, body and soul into your hands.

Bill Scott, Sr.