I am desperate. My heart; my soul, all that I am within suffers from the darkness that consumes the core of my being. I am lost. I am a white washed tomb who appears clean on the outside yet I am full of dead mans bones. I have abandoned the One who abandoned all for my sake and I have suffered the consequences of a lost fellowship. The fellowship of the King. I desire to be united with my Master. I am desperate.
I search now in the vomit of my darkness in hopes that I will one day see a glimpse of my heavenly Father. I am alone. I have chose to play the fool and I am alone. I am lost. I am desperate.
Consumed in fear and shame I have no clue where to place my next step. I understand that the Lord is a light unto my path, yet I feel as if the path that he lights up is too far away. I am a lost sheep. I have tangled myself in the thorns of this world and I am trapped. I am unable to break away from the chains that hold me down. I cry out; I am desperate.
God have mercy on me. I can bring you nothing as I am in chains. I can offer no reward as I am bankrupt of righteousness yet I cry out for the Son of David to have mercy upon me. Please pity me Lord and have compassion upon a wretch like me. I am overwhelmed and totally desire to live in absolute righteousness yet I have no power whatsoever to follow through with this desire.
I need the power of your Spirit, Jesus. I need you to empower me and sanctify my heart once and for all. I am so tired of playing a game and yet that is all that I seem to do these days. I play Christianese so well that I even fool myself at times. I want more; please I beg you Jesus, Let me get past my flesh once and for all. Let me have finality and allow me the chance to walk victoriously before you. I am weak, I am desperate. And I need your help. Please help me Jesus.
You word in Romans six tells me over and over again that I have already been delivered from my sins. I have already been empowered to walk in a manner that is worthy of a person who carries your name. And yet I find over and over again a pattern of rebellion in my life. I don't want to rebel; I want to surrender. I don't want to war against my King like a disobedient child; I want to obey like a good soldier. I am desperate. I cannot have a foot in both worlds. I cannot serve the King of Kings and the king of darkness yet I find that I am constantly doing both. What a double minded wretch I have become. Please forgive me and help me to wholeheartedly surrender and submit to You Father through the merits of Jesus. Help me to be a tool that is clean and useful for the master. I want to be used as a vessel of honor in your kingdom and not a vessel of shame. I want to serve as a good example of grace and not a bad example of rebellion.
Because the truth is that when the day of judgment comes, all my secret sins will be laid out and I will be required to give you an account for my actions. And all I can say now in light of that, is please have mercy on me; I am desperate.
As you cleansed the leper, the blind man, the lame man, and even Saul the murderer; please cleanse me. I know that it's all or nothing and I want to finally be a person who gives my all to you only. Will you please get me into that place Jesus? Please??? I am desperate.
