Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Journal 10/30/07

Why am I afraid of the judgment to come Jesus? It is because I know where I have been and I know that I have been in some really dark places spiritually. And though I can move forward, I still have to face you on that day over the places that my heart has taken me. I will be held accountable for the things that I have freely indulged in. I am terrified of that day Jesus. Because the reality is that when the time comes for me to give an account of what I have done in the body whether good or bad, I will come up empty handed and I have no excuse at all.

Please forgive me Jesus and have mercy on me……..

Please unveil my eyes so that I can see you Jesus and unveil my heart so I can know you intimately.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Journal 10/29/07

What is happening to me? Why do I feel as if sudden destruction is about to happen? Is there going to be a catastrophe that hits close to home? Are these my last moments here on this planet? If these were to be my last moments on this planet what be my last words? What would I desire for my last words?

Hmmm… how about: I take a leap of faith into the arms of Jesus for it is by his grace alone that I can come to him boldly as he is my desire.

Or, how about, “Please go after Jesus with all that you have; as he is running the race before mankind and is now carrying me; for into His hands I have committed my Spirit.”

Or, “Jesus, take me home, my pilgrimage is over!”

I think my words will be something like this, “Finally I see the finish line is that Jesus? FREEDOM!!!!!!”

Though I do have this fear that I may be one of those people who acknowledge the Lord with my lips yet deny him by my actions. I do have a fear that he will say to me on that day, “Depart from me, for I know you not you worker of iniquity!”

Oh, God, please don’t ever say those horrible words to me; I beg you to have pity on me. I am a total failure in every aspect of life when I look at it from your perspective. I am a liar, a murder, an adulterer, a blasphemer, and the list goes on and on and on and on. Yet I do believe that it is the work that you have done that will cause me to enter into your presence. Is there un-repented sin in my life Jesus? Let that not be so! Far be it for me to live in separation from you. I need to live in total dependence upon you in every part of my life.

I need and desire you Jesus. Please take my life and make it yours. Please take me and do your work in me. Justify me Jesus! Sanctify me and please bring me into glory where I can bask in your incomprehensible glory and companionship.

I am unclean Jesus, I am unholy and I am depraved, and I am a slave to sin which you have freed me from. I am the source of the problem. You take the chains off and then I put them right back on again. How do I run from me? How do I repent of who I am? If I am the source of my sinful behavior, how do I change so that I no longer do the things that my wicked heart desires? How can I stop sinning if that is who I am? I am carnal, sold under sin. Why is this so difficult to figure out. I mean, I battle to do the simplest of things when it comes to holiness and yet I so naturally make my bed in vomit as sin is natural for me. Holiness is unnatural and it takes so much work.

Oh I am so grateful that I am covered by the blood of Jesus. You are the one who purifies and washes me. I cannot cleanse any part of me and I am unclean. You alone can wash me by your Spirit. Please send the Helper to help me Jesus. You made a promise to me that you would send him and not leave me as an orphan. Please open my eyes to see the Helper and to do as he says. I am so tired of grieving the Spirit of God. Please have mercy on me Jesus.


Friday, October 26, 2007

Journal 10/26/07

The winds have tossed us to and fro as they blow our lives in every direction. I sob as I see the sky turn red and wake up to face another day of my people ignoring the Lord. Oh the abyss awaits for all of humanity who do not know you Jesus. Why will we as a people not surrender ourselves to you? Why are we so deceived? Why are we so hard hearted?

We are self destructing and we don’t even see it. Why are we so blind? Why do we call evil good and good evil? Oh Jesus have mercy on us as a people. We are so wicked and yet in the hardness of our hearts we don’t see what is happening to us as a people.

I pray that you would humble us and causes us whether great or small to see reality. Let us see that you are real, that you will not be mocked and that you still desire to pour out your grace and mercy upon all of humanity. Please help us to see the truth. Help us to repent and turn from our wicked ways. Help us to see you in your glory as you are the risen Christ, the Son of the God Most High.

Help us not to trust in wealth or the military, or technology, but to trust in you only. We think we are so sophisticated yet we are not. We are simply carnal, perverse, and totally depraved.

Jesus, please cleanse our land of unrighteousness and wash us with your Spirit. Please forgive me as I am just as guilty if not even more guilty than my people. Have mercy on us Jesus and bring revival to our land once again.

In Jesus name I ask and petition you my King, Amen

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Journal 10/24/07

So often we equate the love of God with mercy, and tenderness and we at times willingly forget that the Lord is a God of justice. He will not tolerate wickedness for too long and there comes a point in time when the sins of the land reach the heavens and become a stench in the nostrils of God.

In Genesis God judged the city of Sodom and Gomorra because the outcry of wickedness was so great that it reached heaven and when the Lord visited the city all the men young and old had the desire to rape the Lord (Like that will ever happen!). So the Lord blinded them and got Lot out and destroyed that city.

In Revelation, 19:11, it reads:

11 Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. 12 His eyes were like a flame of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. 13 He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. 14 And the armies in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses. 15 Now out of His mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. 16 And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

Notice verse 15, “15 Now out of His mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God”

Jesus is going to judge the world for its sins as he cleanses this world of its sin and makes war with the enemies of God.

Now this is speculation only, but I find it interesting at the same time that the governor of California signs into law SB 777 forcing homosexual behavior as acceptable in the schools that the fires start breaking out uncontrollably in the State and over 1 million people need to be evacuated THUS FAR.

Then we have our demon-crats in Washington rushing through the ENDA bill again placing the homo, Bi, and lesbian sexual behavior as federally protected behaviors.

Is it me or is there a pattern here? Judgment was placed on Sodom and Gomorra with fire and brimstone when homosexual behavior became mainstream and the focus in politics. And as it were then, so it is now, and now California is on fire…..

I am sure people will disagree with me and that is ok, it may not be long that I can proclaim this here in America but at least for the moment I do indeed have the freedom to share my opinion.

And I have not even touched on Zachariah’s prophesy against all those who decide to split up Jerusalem that God would come against them; and here we are having Condalisa Rice publicly saying that they want divide up the city of Jerusalem and if Israel will not agree, then the USA will publicly blame Israel.

I fear that we are only seeing the beginning of devastation that faces America and the rest of the world for that matter. I do pray that God would show mercy once again, but at the same time, God is a righteous judge who judges in holiness. I believe that if I am to live out my life without dying prematurely that I will be living when the rapture takes place. We are that close and I believe that the world as we know it will no longer be “business as usual” but that we are jumping towards the end of the age.

You can call me crazy, or a right wing nut, but I do believe that we are about to experience something so intense that nothing in history will be able to compare with what is to come. Please make sure that you are spiritually right with your Creator and that you are walking with Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith.

Bill Scott, Sr.

Friday, October 19, 2007


“If sinners are to be damned, let them leap over our bodies to do so”

Charles H. Spurgeon

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Journal 10/18/07

There comes a day when we must all face our Creator and give an account for the things done in the body. I fear that the things I have done in the body may have offended the Creator of my soul and if not for his unbending grace and love towards me, I would feel totally hopeless. Oh how I cling to the mercy of God. Jesus, please have pity on me the worst of all hypocrites and sinners.

Jesus, please forgive me for ALL the things that I have done in this body of mine that have shamed your name. Please have mercy on me and use me for your glory. Please take my life and make it yours. I really do regret the things of my past whether I did it in the recent past or in the distant past, I regret not surrendering my all to you.

I plead with all of you who read my blog; PLEASE give your all to Jesus today. Don’t let another minute go by where you are not walking in perfect communion with the Master of your soul. Jesus is worthy, do you hear me? He is worthy of your life. He shed his blood and redeemed us and has given us power over those sins that entangle us. Don’t live another moment unless you are living in perfect communion with Jesus, the son of God.


Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I wanted to write you and share with you my heart
Although you already know it, I still want to start
For you alone are worthy of all honor and praise
My Jesus, I want to serve you all of my days.

My past has been ugly, it has been a big mess
As I’ve boasted empty words and still remained faithless
Yet you have remained faithful; for you never shift
You have poured out your love and your grace as a gift

This is my love letter to you my Lord
I desire to praise you as you are my reward
How can words ever explain just how great you are?
Words simply cannot; even wise words from afar.

I look at creation and the work of your hands
I stand back in awe as you’ve numbered the sand
I look at the stars, and galaxies far away
You spoke them into existence as they are there on display.

I look at redemption and the good news you bring
I start rejoicing as I dance and I sing
You are so wonderful, yet I still don’t have a clew
All I know is that I need so much more of you.

The passion you have towards me is amazing
When I experience you Jesus, I cannot stop praising
You are the Great I AM, the Mighty God and King
You rejoice over me every night as you sing

Oh Jesus I love you, yet not as much as I could
For my heart has been hardened and that is not good
Please help me to surrender to you alone
As I bow down before you; as you sit on your throne


Monday, October 08, 2007

Journal 10/8/07

I hate not being with you, Jesus. I want to be with him in eternity so badly. I want to live in total abandonment to Your will yet the flesh prevents me from reaching the fullness of this desire. And I hate my flesh. I hate the fact that I love the flesh at times and hate it at other times. I hate this body of death that I live in. I want you Jesus….I really do. I want the glorified body so that I can take in your glory and behold you in your majesty. I hunger for you Jesus, I need you, I desire you, I MUST HAVE YOU!!!!!!

Please conform me into your image as you alone are my hope and desire…….

Friday, October 05, 2007

Journal 10/5/07

No matter what happens, the Lord Jesus Christ is good….always remember that. There is nothing better in life than total surrender to His wonderful will and when we finally realize that and finally surrender, oh how blessed that is.

Is today the day that I finally surrender my everything to the Master of all things? Oh Jesus, use my life to bring you glory. For too long I have shamed you as you know where I have been. You know that my lips praise you continually yet my heart has been so far from you. But I repent, I again come to you in surrender and I ask that you would take the shackle of sin off of my life. Why is sin so enticing and though I know it brings death, why do I bite it? I know that I will regret the things I have done, but its too late to change them Jesus. All I can do is live for you and your glory now. Please forgive me for the bad things I have done and the good things that I have not done. Please cleanse me from the inside and make me a brand new creature.

I am so frustrated with the hardness of my heart Lord. Please deliver me from self and from the oppression of the enemy. Help me to no longer live for the pleasures of this world. I don’t want to be a friend of the world because in doing so I have become your enemy and I HATE being in that place. I want to be on your team and an enemy of the world. I want to make my bed in heaven, not in hell and yet I have done the contrary. Oh Jesus have mercy on me. In your loving kindness and tender mercy, please over look and forgive my transgressions, iniquity, rebellion and sin.

I do love you Jesus, and yet I fear that I am not even saved, so I am left with trust. I have to simply trust you that your word is true and that you love me and that you are faithful to save me, because I do believe that you alone are the only way to heaven. And so I trust you contrary to my feelings that you will indeed save me and take me home.

I want to have the passion of Paul and Peter, and all the other saints of old who gave themselves to you in total abandonment. Will I ever be that way?

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


I have not really written much these days......don't know why.