Tuesday, October 31, 2006


Written on 10/24/06


There is a story that is not far away,
It’s not in a distant land, as it’s lived out today
It begins with a child who is about to turn two
He is dearly loved, and his name is Drew

October twenty-sixth in two-thousand and four
Was the day that this child, Drew, came to shore
His life has had great hardship and even greater fear
Yet Drew is a fighter as he’s proved through these years

He has been through the fire; he has been through lots of pain
And though he wanted all sunshine; he’s received mostly rain
The grey skies he’s been through, since the day he was born
Could easily discourage all, as he lives through this storm

For this very young child about one year ago
Had a surgery that was to heal him you know
After a year of healing, those who love him can see
That the surgery may not have helped his kidneys

So now comes more trials as each day brings less rest
For in November, Drew, will have many more test
These tests should reveal if his kidneys will quit
The test will reveal if this is as good as it gets

Is all this stuff trying? Is it painful to bear?
The answer is yes, as we fill with despair
But this is not the last chapter in the life of Drew’s book
Let’s stop for a moment and let’s take a look

The God of the Bible has inscribed on his hand
Every day of Drew’s life as its all part of His plan
And though we can’t see how the story will end
We can trust in Jesus; to heal and to mend

It sometimes is hard to see that Jesus really cares
When we beg him to heal Drew, as we cry out in prayer
Each trial gets harder as the night carries on
We don’t hear a thing and think Jesus is gone

But Jesus is here, at Drew’s side all day long
He is holding Drew as He sings Drew a new song
For this is God’s heart, as he works in this way
I can here the Lord speaking, this is what the Lord says

“My Child do not fear, please take My hand,
Don’t look at this trial as it is shifting sand
If you will but trust and surrender to Me
I will hold you My child in all your suffering.”

So this is our hope when all seems to fail
We can cling to the Lord as we weep and we wail
The Lord is our comfort; I hope you’ll pursue
For the Lord holds the heart of your beloved child Drew

Monday, October 30, 2006

The Time Has Come

The time has come for the end is at hand
We need to repent; do as the Lord commands
For the stage is set and the end is near
The Lord could return within this year

For in the Far East there is an eerie sense
That war will break out; as we wait in suspense
The pieces are moving; as war is a real threat
The players are playing as the stage is set

Israel is surrounded to her enemies delight
They all assume; she will cower; not fight
The world is now treading to places unknown
As they prepare to wage war; while the Jews stand alone

With earthquakes and famines and rumors of war
We seem to be living in Matthew twenty-four
Do not be troubled; all these things must take place
The end is not yet; there is more to embrace

The EU is growing in power as it thrives
The Roman Empire once again is alive
Now they are talking of people getting chipped
This story is unfolding as they follow God’s script

China and Russia are both part of this plan
As they deceive the U.S. and they side with Iran
The UN seems powerless as these things do occur
While North Korea has now gone nuclear

The scriptures unfolding right before our eyes
We ought to be looking for the Lord in the skies
One thing is clear, not to all, but to some
The Lord is returning; for the time has come!

-Written by Bill Scott, Sr.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Journal 10/27/06


I need you. Will you simply pour out your Spirit upon me? Please anoint me to do your work and cause me to be a light that shines brightly before man so that they can see you in me. I worship and exalt you not because I am worthy, but simply because you are worthy to be praised and worshipped. I thank you that you are worthy. I thank you that it's about you and has nothing to do with me or with where I have or have not been. You are worthy to be exalted and therefor I exalt you!


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Journal 10/25/06


I am a liar, a thief, and adulterer, a murderer, I covet, Im a blasphemer, a heathen, I am rebellious and a stench of death. My heart is black; I am deceitful, full of malice and envy. I love evil and hate good and I am a mess. I want to do the right things yet I never do. I always tend to do the things that bring your name shame. I am selfish and proud. I am arrogant and have a form of spirituality yet I deny the power of it. I am a depraved and wicked man who needs his redeemer to cleanse me. Will you please forgive me for being so apathetic and complacent? Please forgive me for being all those things in the above list. I have so many issues Jesus.

Will I ever get past all these dark sins that cause me to be a man of flesh? Will I ever be a man who is truly led by your spirit? Am I even born again? Am I one of those seeds in the parable of the sower who was cast on rocky ground and when it sprout up it grew with joy until the sun burned it up because it had no depth? Am I one of your kids Lord? Or am I one who simply professes you verbally yet denies you with my actions. Will you say to me on that day, “Good job my faithful servant, come enter into your rest” or will you say, “Depart from me you worker of iniquity, for I NEVER knew you!” I hope you know me Jesus. Yet maybe you do not. Do I know you?

And repentance, I struggle repenting as I have so many issues. And then I question my repentance. Is it really repentance when I stop a specific sin just to do the same sin again the next day? Why won’t I repent? I desire to and I try yet I find myself caught up in the moment and when I look into my heart of hearts I see the man listed in the 1st paragraph of this journal entry.

AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! This is so frustrating! I have so many issues and yet I bring them all upon myself as I listen to my flesh and simply don’t take the time to OBEY You Lord. Why won’t I surrender? Will there ever come a day that I will finally get past these things? Will there ever come a day where I simply choose to pursue Jesus with all that is in me? Will I always be unclean?

According to Your words Jesus I have been declared righteous and yet my life does not resemble a life that is righteous. My life resembles a life of rebellion and blackness. I can easily spiritualize my talk and fool those who are closest to me yet I can never fool you. Who am I kidding? I have no idea what it means to be a Christian. I have no clue how to live the victorious life that I hear of so many others in the past living out. I conclude that I can’t do this. I am simply unable to move forward and live out the abundant life that I hear about.

So now what? What happens now? I want to claim the words of Peter when you asked him would he leave you like the other disciples did. Where can I go Lord? You alone have the words of eternal life. So now I have a question for you Lord. What am I doing wrong? Or what is it that I am not doing? Please speak to me Lord; although if I am being real, I probably won’t listen anyways. Why am I like this Jesus? Is there something that I am missing that will make all this stuff simply click? I am desperate Lord and yet in my heart of hearts I feel as if nothing has changed and I will still be the man I deplore.

I need to hear from you. I need the power of your gospel to shed light in the darkness of my heart so that I can see the real problem. Please forgive me Jesus for giving into my flesh and not pursuing after you like I should. I am at a loss and don’t know what else to say.


Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Journal 10/24/06


Am I even one of your kids? I feel like I am not even a Christian. I feel like my words proclaim your goodness and your truths but my actions deny you. Am I even born again? I don’t even know anymore. If I am born again, then why is it that I won’t walk the walk in Romans 6 where it says that I have been delivered from my sins? Why is it that I still choose to walk in the works of the flesh? I am a mess.

Have I truly repented from my sins Jesus? Or am I so deceived that I am going to be one of those who try to defend myself when I stand before your judgment seat? Will I be one who says, “I did this in your name and I did that in your name. I prophesied and I cast out demons in your name!” I fear that I will hear the words from you Jesus, “I never knew you Bill, depart from me you worker of iniquity!”

That scares me Lord. And if I am not one of yours how do I get into that place where I am yours? And if I am one of your kids, how do I get into that place where I walk in righteousness? Can I once for all be delivered from my sins? And how can I say I am born again if I constantly choose to willfully sin? How do I surrender to you?

Your word tells me that your sheep hear your voice and yet I have not heard your voice and if I have it has been a very long time. I need your help Lord. I know that you love me and are passionate for me, but I truly need you to help me as I am so unrighteous. I am so depraved and every part of my life is tainted in sin. My will is sinful, my thoughts, my heart, my actions, my motives, all of me is tainted with sin. Please cleanse me of this filthy unrighteousness Jesus. I need to be declared clean from all my uncleanness. Will you please pour your Spirit’s fire into my life and consume me Jesus?

Desperately seeking your grace,


Thursday, October 12, 2006

Journal 10/12/06


It is gonna be worth it all one day. And though my flesh wants to dominate me and I desire so often to give into the desires of my flesh, if I will but surrender all that I am to You, it will be worth it one day. And I ask for your forgiveness Lord for appeasing my flesh and lying down and not fighting or wrestling against my flesh. Will you forgive me Lord for not resisting the flesh and will You help me to move forward, not looking back as I place my hand upon the plow. I want to do what is right in Your eyes and I need Your help in doing so.

In Jesus name I pray…..Amen

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Journal 10/11/06


My heart has been so anxious these last couple of days. And I am not sure why. Please help me to be anxious for nothing but with everything by prayer and supplication help me to present my requests to You O Lord. I feel like such a failure when it comes to my walk with You. And the truth is that I am a failure and yet I know that You are ok with that. You love me and You can and will work through my broken life. And that is what I long for. I want to be so intimately acquainted with You. I want us to be one as You are one with Jesus and Jesus is one with You. Will You help me Father?

I feel like all I do is sin. I mean, I struggle with internal feelings of anger or frustration. I struggle with being in the flesh and I look forward to the day when You complete my salvation. I look forward to the day when You glorify and deliver me fully from the flesh that I live in. Am I doing things wrong Lord? Am I trying to do Your work in my flesh? I am so confused on what to do and where to go. And when I feel like you are laying things on my heart, it seems like when I pursue those things that the doors close. And that is ok, it really is Lord, I just wish I could hear from you more clearly.

Sometimes I want to just roll up into a ball and weep and sob Lord. I say this and I am not even depressed. I just feel so inconsistent and I am struggling with hearing from You right now. I desire to be godly Lord. And I know that the desire alone will bring persecution for You have said through your human pens, “those who desire to live a godly live will suffer persecution”.

I have this burning to lead Your people into Your presence father, and yet I feel so unable to do so. I am not talking about playing music. How do I lead others to You through worship? How do I bring them to that place where you can minister to them? And I want to be able to teach and pastor Your people Lord, but I am so unqualified. I lack your anointing and my heart breaks as I am so incompetent. But the desire doesn’t leave me. Is this my flesh Lord? Or is this something that You are placing in my heart? Help me to sort through this. I need Your wisdom and Your counsel.

Also Lord, my heart condemns me. It really does. But You say in Your word, “For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things” You know my heart Lord. Please use me. I want to be a light that shines; I desire to be a Lamp that brings Your light to the people of this world whether they are believers or not. Are you willing to take my broken messed up sin-filled life and use me for Your glory? Please do Jesus. Please use me.

Please give me a heart of compassion and tenderness towards you and towards people. I am so heartless most of the time and I want to invest in people with genuine love towards them. I want to love people with an Agape love and I can’t do that. You are the only one who can supply that sort of love. Please burden me to purse You until Your love permeates out of me.

Love always,

Your struggling child,


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Journal 10/10/06

As I look upon this road that the Lord has placed me upon I tend to wonder what is gazing upon the horizon? Will there be another trial? Will there be a time of rest? Maybe peace? Or will turmoil and blackness by lying there awaiting to pounce upon my wretched soul like a lion waiting for its prey?

And as I look to where I have been and where I have come from, I wonder how many times I took myself off the road that the Lord was leading me onto and turned to myself or to my sin as I blindly trusted in the things of the flesh and this world.

I am so blessed to be Your child Lord and I hope that I am not a child that you constantly have to rebuke and correct. Although, I would rather be rebuked and corrected than left to myself. You love me Jesus and I am thankful for the journey that you have placed me upon. I am thankful for the valleys now because they have given me an appreciation for the times when things are simple and beautiful in my life. Thank you.


I long to see Your glory and I desire to be a tool used in Your hands. You are so wonderful and I pray that if You choose to do so, that You would use me in any way that You desire. Please lead me by Your Spirit and help me to know when You are prompting me to move to the left or the right. Please give me wisdom Lord as You have said that you will give wisdom liberally to all who ask you for it. So Father, I am asking for wisdom. Help me to see what’s beyond the horizon in my life and in my family's life. And help me to prepare as I trust in You alone to sustain me.

In Jesus name I ask these things......So be it.....


Thursday, October 05, 2006

The Purpose of Man - Emeal Zwayne

The purpose of man it to know his Maker
Be known by his Maker
And make his Maker known
So that others may know his Maker as their Maker
Be known by his Maker as their Maker
And make the Maker of him who made his Maker known to them as
their Maker
Known as the Maker of others

So that others may know the Maker of him who made his Maker known
As the Maker of the ones
Who made the Maker of the one
Who made his Maker known to them as their Maker, known as their Maker
As their Maker

And that they may also be known by Him
And make Him known to others

Who will in turn know Him
Be known by Him
And in multiplicity to the degree of infinitude
Make Him known

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Why is there suffering? That proves that there is no 'loving' God.

Study the soil for a moment. It naturally produces weeds. Nobody plants them; nobody waters them. They even stubbornly push through cracks of a dry sidewalk. Millions of useless weeds sprout like there's no tomorrow, strangling our crops and ruining our lawns. Pull them out by the roots, and there will be more tomorrow. They are nothing but a curse!

Look at how much of the earth is uninhabitable. There are millions upon millions of square miles of nothing but barren deserts in Africa and in different parts of the world. Most of Australia is desert. There is nothing but miles and miles of useless desolate land.

Not only that, but the earth is constantly shaken with massive earthquakes. Its shores are lashed with hurricanes, tornadoes rip through creation with incredible fury. Floods of biblical proportions soak the land, and terrible droughts parch the soil. Sharks, tigers, lions, snakes, spiders and disease-ridden mosquitoes attack humanity and suck its life's blood. The earth's inhabitants are afflicted with disease, pain, suffering and death.

Think of how many people are plagued with cancer, Alzheimer's, Multiple Sclerosis, heart disease, emphysema, Parkinson's disease and a mass of other debilitating diseases. Think of all the kids with leukemia, or people born with crippling diseases or without the mental capability to even feed themselves. All these things should convince thinking minds that something is radically wrong. Did God blow it when He created humanity? What sort of tyrant must our Creator be if this was His master plan?

Sadly, many use the issue of suffering as an excuse to reject any thought of God, when its existence is the very reason we should accept Him. Suffering stands as terrible testimony to the truth of the explanation given by the Word of God.

But how can we know that the Bible is true?

Simply by studying the prophecies of Matthew 24, Luke 21, and 2 Timothy 3. A few minutes of openhearted inspection will convince any honest skeptic that this is no ordinary book. It is the supernatural testament of our Creator as to why there is suffering . . . and what we can do about it.

The Bible tells us that God cursed the earth because of Adam's transgression. Weeds are a curse. So is disease. Sin and suffering cannot be separated. The Scriptures inform us that we live in a fallen creation. In the beginning, God created man perfect and he lived in a perfect world, without suffering. It was Heaven on earth. When sin came into the world, death and misery came with it.

Those who understand the message of Holy Scripture eagerly await a new Heaven and a new earth "wherein dwells righteousness." In that coming Kingdom there will be no more pain, suffering, disease or death. We are told that no eye has ever seen, nor has any ear heard, neither has any man's mind ever imagined the wonderful things that God has in store for those that love Him. Think for a moment of what it would be like if food grew with the fervor of weeds. Think how wonderful it would be if the deserts became incredibly fertile, if creation stopped devouring humanity. Imagine if the weather worked for us instead of against us, if disease completely disappeared, if pain was a thing of the past . . . if death was no more.

There is a wise saying: "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." That is solid advice for when you are dealing with sinful mankind. But the promise of a new Heaven and a new earth come from a faithful Creator, and there is no greater insult to God than not to believe His promises. When a nation repents and finds peace with God through trusting in the Savior, God promises to forgive their sins and heal their land.

The dilemma is that we are like a small child whose insatiable appetite for chocolate has caused his face to break out. He looks in the mirror and sees a sight that makes him depressed. His face is nothing but ugly sores. But instead of stopping eating his beloved chocolate, he takes solace by stuffing more into his mouth. Yet, his very joy is actually the cause of his suffering.

The whole face of the earth is nothing but ugly sores of suffering. Everywhere we look, we see unspeakable pain. But instead of believing God's explanation and asking Him to forgive us and change our appetite, we run deeper into sin's sweet embrace. There we find solace in its temporal pleasures; thus intensifying our pain, both in this life, and in the life to come.

Journal 10/4/06


I ask that you would burn the fire of your Spirit upon the alter of my heart. Help me to become more and more radical in my dependency upon you. Help me to remove the worldly garments and help me to put on the clothes of Your righteousness. Teach me what it means to be intimately acquainted with You.

You are so Holy and pure and I am so wicked and depraved, please cleanse me from my apathy and my complacency. Cure me from being mediocre and give me a passion for you and then for the nations. Give me a love for the people of my city and use me to reach out and share the wonderful news of the gospel to my neighbors. You are so wonderful Master and I am so glad that you love me as you do. Please do a work in my heart.

In Jesus name and on His merits alone I ask this……so be it!

Monday, October 02, 2006

How To Engage In Passionate Worship

Worship isn't staring at the band, it's not staring at words, it's not seeing how nice you can sing, it is about giving thanks and focusing on Jesus. And for that reason, I choose to close my eyes. Because when I look at other people, I think about them. And since worship is about Jesus, I want to close my eyes and remember what He did for me, and remember who He is.

Secondly, we worship for one reason... God is worthy. For that reason, it doesn't matter what is going on in our lives, sins, problems, etc... God is still worthy, even when we just sinned and for that reason we should worship as worship is based solely upon the Lord. Its about the Lord and it's to the Lord.

Third, emulate the worship yourself. Choose to worship yourself during worship, close your eyes, emulate Godly worship! And if we want people to do what is Biblical in worship... stand up, fall on your face, cry out, lift up hands...Worship the Lord with all that is in you.

Fourth, if you are leading worship then pick good songs. Don't pick songs about Jesus... ie: Jesus is good, Jesus is nice... Instead pick songs that are too Jesus. ie: I love you so much, thank you Jesus, etc...

Finally, worship is contagious, we were created for it, and if people start hearing that there is passionate worship going on, they will want to come out.

The Father desires those that... worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.

It's His heart, and step out, and be ready to let God open up the floodgates of worship.