Saturday, February 26, 2005

Journal 2/26/05

What a ride life is. One minute you are going in one direction and then all of a sudden things spin out of control. It's like a roller coaster racing in the black of night. You can't see all the turns and drops, but you can anticipate them and the excitment as you spin out as a result of this adrenaline pumping ride. When you look to see what happened and to see if everything is ok, you realize you do have the safetybelt of Gods strong hands holding you as everything gets chaotic.
My advice is simple: Hold on and don't let go! The ride isn't that long, even though it feels like eternity. The roller coaster of life is but a fleeting moment in time, so just hold on!
Bill Scott, Sr.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Journal 2/16/05

I once heard that Man is the only created being that knows when he is alone. And for whatever reason I feel so alone in this dark world. All morning I have been experiencing the overwhelming feeling of dispair and yet I do not know why. It’s as if there is an eerie feeling in the air and it seems to make its home deep inside of me. I feel as if this feeling has landed and made its home in the pit of my stomach. Why is life such a roller coaster of fluxuating feelings?
When Jesus said that man does not live by bread alone, was there more to that statement than what is initially thought? Man does not live by bread alone…man ought to not be alone. Man was not created to be an island. When we are isolated in life, when we feel all alone, we need to leave the place of eating alone; we need to leave that place of being isolated and we need to get reaquainted with the Word of God as that scriptures tell us to. Is that what is lacking in my life these days? Yes, it is. I just have not been in the Word of God at all. And now as my feelings overpower and consume my thoughts I am left abandoned to deal with them alone.
Of all the feelings that I have ever had to deal with, dispair is one of the easiest in the sense that it sobers me to the point of meditation. I cant stop ruminating over these feelings. And to be honest, when I feel as I do now, I start thinking and rethinking about life, and its purpose. Sobriety kicks in and I try to understand and grasp my role in the universe. What specific purpose was I created for? I don’t ask this blindly as I believe that I have a solid biblical foundation and theology, but why am I here? What is my specific role in life and why do I feel as I do? After much cogitation, I simply do not have an answer.
And that seems to be my lot these days. The more I examine and inspect my feelings, the more I realize that I just don’t have the answers anymore. Even the answers that have satisfied me in the past are no longer adequate. I simply do not know anymore. And to some extent, that is ok, but at the same time, I just need more. But what do I need more of? I don’t know!
Where is this journey taking me? Where is the road that I am traveling upon leading me? Is it the road less traveled? Or is it the road that many have traveled in the past? Am I traveling upon the road that Moses, Abraham and Isaac traveled? Or am I paving another route? Am I heading in the right direction or am I digging my own grave? Will there be light at the end of this dark tunnel? Will I again rejoice as I did in the days of my youth? Or will I live in this place of uncertainty forever? I don’t want to just exist. To just exist is such a horrible thing to me. I want more…I must have more. Existence alone does not satisfy me and I need more out of life. I need more out of my experiences. Why am I so clouded in my thoughts?
I do receive joy in the fact that my Father in heaven has an endless devotion to me. This kind of love and devotion is one in which I must simply and humbly accept and embrace. Why do you love me so, my Father? After all the things I have done to you and after all the places that I have been, why do you love me in the manner that you do? It is so unfathomable to me to be the recipient of this type of unconditional and never failing love. But I accept it. I embrace it fully. Your love towards me is what keeps me moving forward in this world of darkness and uncertainty. And I want to thank you my most holy father for loving the most unlovable of creatures; me! I desire to be as devoted to you as you are to me, but that simply is unattainable.
I guess that as I ride into the sunset for the last time, I believe that it will be at that time in my life that I will finally get to see the tangible purpose for my existence. For at the end of my journey I know that I will not only see the sunset, but I will see the SON SIT. I will see you Jesus, sitting at the right hand of my Father and then at that time in my life everything will make sense. So my prayer in light of that is to simply get to that place where I can see you face to face. Please get me there my Father. As that is where I long to be. I desire to be in the arms of my loving Savior and God. Please help me on this journey Father.
Bill Scott, Sr.

My Mom

There once was a time, when I saw no hope
Of my mom getting saved, as she was on dope
She lived man to man, never stayed in a place long
The life that she lived, was totally wrong

Though she had trials, all throughout her years
She never looked up, she looked to her peers
With all the excitement that her sinful life brought
She never expected that she would be caught.

She never got busted; she was not caught that way
She reclined in her sin as she became prey
For Satan had blinded the eyes of my mom
She was one tick away from an exploding bomb

If left to herself, she would self destruct
She said to herself “My life really sucks!
My son is a preacher, he preaches to me
I’ll seek his advice” and so she sought me

She stayed at my house, while I wasn’t there
She hosted a night dedicated to prayer
While one person came to the meeting that night
He was led to my mom to help her get right

He spoke of the truths and the freedoms in Christ
He spoke of her debt and how God paid the price
The words that he spoke pierced my mom like a sword
She got on her knees and cried out to the Lord

So my mom was renewed as she had just got saved
She had a new life, she was no longer depraved
She got me on the phone, and she told me the news
As I jumped for joy I screamed out WOO HOO!!!

So now my mom’s saved, do the blessings end here?
I’m telling you no, and I hope that it’s clear
For what happens next as this story unfolds
Only happens in dreams, where all things turn to gold

I discipled my mom, and to my total surprise
She came to me; when she was baptized
So I baptized my mom, she was baptized by me
She once lived in the flesh, now her flesh was fleeing

She’s no longer on drugs or living with men
For God took away, all her cravings for sin
She’s always in church, and she prays you see
She now walks with God, right there in Tennessee

So this is one story in the life of my mother
I know she has many, and I’m sure there’ll be others
My mom is now saved and I love her a lot
One of God’s creations; her name is Deborah Scott

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Psalm One

Blessed is the man who does not walk; nor stand, nor sit, who does not talk
To an ungodly man, who only sins; he’s scornful, don’t heed words from him.
But he delight’s in the LORD’s law; he meditates in it day, night; Spring, Fall
For he shall be a planted tree; where Rivers are always flowing
He brings forth fruit in it’s season; his leaves wont die like the heathen
Whatever he does shall always be; prosperous for this living tree
The ungodly ones just are not so; the wind drives them away like chaff you know
Therefore the ungodly wont stand; in the judgment like a godly man
Nor sinners in the congregation; of the godly; of the righteous
For the LORD knows the way of the righteous; but the way of the ungodly shall perish.

Palsm One

Blessed is the man who does not walk; nor stand, nor sit, who does not talk
To an ungodly man, who only sins; he’s scornful, don’t heed words from him.
But he delight’s in the LORD’s law; he meditates in it day, night; Spring, Fall
For he shall be a planted tree; where Rivers are always flowing
He brings forth fruit in it’s season; his leaves wont die like the heathen
Whatever he does shall always be; prosperous for this living tree
The ungodly ones just are not so; the wind drives them away like chaff you know
Therefore the ungodly wont stand; in the judgment like a godly man
Nor sinners in the congregation; of the godly; of the righteous
For the LORD knows the way of the righteous; but the way of the ungodly shall perish.