Journal 12/30/05

I am so blessed. The Lord has been so good to me. I find myself whispering the words of Paul in Romans 11:33, "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!" Every time I think I have a handle on who the Lord is; he blows me away some more. Every time I feel like I have sinned too much and the Lord hates me and despises me He proves his word true to me. I truly love the words in Romans 5:20 "Where sin abounds grace abounds much more." What that verse means is that no matter how much I sin; there will always be enough grace to cover my sin.

I find it interesting as people have come up to me and said, "Bill, you can't teach that! If you teach that then people will start sinning all the time!" I simply reply, "That isn’t true. Grace is not a license TO sin; it's a license FROM sin." I have been freed and if I blow it or choose to rebel (Which we all have at times) grace covers me and I am free to walk with the Lord. And because of grace all I can do is drop my mouth and say thank you Lord for loving me enough to give me grace when I do not deserve it at all. I am a wretch and I know it; I am the chief of sinners yet the Lord looks past that and loves me. And that blows me away. I am again humbled at the mercy of the Master and I have nothing to say in response to his unfailing devotion to me except, "Thank you".

What else can I truly say to this? The Lord is so incredibly wonderful and I am amazed and grateful in the core of my soul. This journey that I have been on for the last 14 years has been intense. When I surrendered my heart to the One who loves me 14 years ago, I had no idea what would be in store. It has been an incredible ride. It has been easy at times, but difficult most of the time. I have had good times and have been through the toughest times ever. What a journey. And in the end as the dust settles; every time I have had a struggle the Lord has always been there. He has held me and has loved me enough to place me into difficult circumstances. He has been caring enough to get me through the hard times. He has taken the coal in my live and has at times put me under a lot of pressure. And when coal is under extreme pressure for long periods of time; what happens is that the coal begins to change. It turns into diamonds. And I look at all the things that I have been through as extremely difficult heart wrenching pressure; yet the Lord loved me enough to not only allow these things in my life to happen; but I believe he placed me in these places of difficulty because he saw the coal and what the coal could be. The Lord is looking at the big picture and wants to create a diamond out of my broken life. My job is to simply stay put and allow the pressures and the difficulties of my life to do its work. If I move out from under the pressure then I lose out on what the Lord is doing. And I have tried to move out from under the pressure as it is unbearable at times. But by God’s amazing grace; I can only pray that as He has opened my eyes to what he is doing; I pray that I would stay put. I want to stay where this pain torments me knowing that the Lord is producing something so much better than what I temporarily feel.

I really believe that the Lord is taking my soul of coal and is actually creating the rubies and diamonds for my crown that he will give to me on that day that I meet him face to face. I believe that the crown that the Lord will give to us will be the work that He did in our lives and that is why these crowns will mean so much to us and to Him.

What else is this life but to know you my Lord; to live that you might be glorified! I want to be poured out before you as an offering, because I know for you to live I must die. So I will lay down my life because I long to know you and I will cast down my crown at your feet. And I will do what you say because I live to glorify you, be magnified in me.

I will end today’s post with this. We as Gods children are called to die. We are called to die to our desires as we surrender to Him. How do we die? It’s called obedience. Obedience is an interesting word. It has nine letters and if you break it up into three letters each you have obe-DIE-nce. Notice that the middle three letters in obedience is die. We need to simply choose to die and let the Lord live in us. That is what Paul did. He said in Philippians 1:21, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” He let the Lord live in him because he knew the Lord was devoted to him. I want to be like that. I want to live out the rest of my life on this planet in such a way that I die constantly to the Lords will and allow him to live out his life in me. So again, thank you Lord for loving me. I am yet again humbled by your grace.

Journal 12/26/05

Well all,

The Holy day has passed and life is as crazy as always. We flew 1000 miles away from home and went to California where I am currently blogging from. We will be here until after New Years.

We have a wonderful tradition for every holiday that my direct family has (Wife and kids). Every holiday without fail; one of us gets sick....lol. I told my wife that I think we should not have this tradition any more, but once again we have followed through with this tradition.

A year ago thanks giving I was so sick that I could not eat thanksgiving dinner until Friday. Then last Christmas my wife and I spent it in the hospital as she was sick. We spent my birthday in the hospital as my wife was sick. This year my three year old puked his brains out at the Christmas party last night. He said, "Daddy, I gonna puke" and then proceeded to give me his dinner all over my lap and shirt... very nice. I don't think I will be eating macaroni salad for a while; I am still trying to get off of me even after two showers....lol.

We drove home from this party as I really did not feel like celebrating with regurgitated food over me...lol. My son decided to continue dry heaving until about 7am this morning...yummy. Then my two year old decided to start this morning....luckily before he ate so it was only dry heaving.

So the tradition continues....I can wait until new years to see what happens.....lol.

Anyways apart from all this tasteful excitement; my wife just informed me that she isn’t feeling good....I am going to stay out of projectile reach as I don't want to take yet another shower...lol. I do hope that all of you have a wonderful rest of the week. I know we will after all this excitement passes. Talk to you all soon.

Journal 12/22/05

Father,

You have been so good to me even though I have failed you and everyone I know miserably. Thank you for your incredible steadfast passion for me. I thank you that I have had a taste of your glory for you have said, "Come taste and see that the LORD is good". You are good Master. You are the Good shepherd and I am amazed at how much you care for people. You have said in your word that, "Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord God, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?" (Ez. 18:23) You also say in EZ. 33:11 "Say to them: 'As I live,' says the Lord God, 'I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?"

You love people and you care for us. Thank you Father. thank you for loving me so much that you have placed your spirit inside of me. I do not deserve this yet you do this because you love me and desire fellowship with me. You love me because you love me. Thank you. I am forever grateful and I look forward to what you have in store for me this next year.

I ask that you would continue to grow me and use me and allow my life to shine as you change me from serving myself only to being a man who serves others because of the love that you have shared with me. Please change me from the inside out Lord. I am grateful and I believe that you will. So thank you ahead of time. On the merits of Jesus alone I ask you to do these things. So be it!

Journal 12/20/05

Jeremiah 24:7 says, “Then I will give them a new heart to know Me, that I am the LORD; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to Me with their whole hearts.”

This verse has been sticking in my brain for the last week or so. We use it with our youth group…we call it our youth 24/7 group. Oh how I wish my heart were fully devoted to the One who loves me twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week. How I long for a heart that would never stray from the Master of my soul.

It has been a sobering week for me. I have been looking at how hard my heart is and how my sins affect everything. I have been pondering on how bad I have fallen in the depths of my heart and how desperately I need to return to the Master for cleansing. I understand that I have a choice and so often my heart chooses the wrong things and the next thing I know…..I have once again wandered away into the wilderness. And if it were not for the LORD’s faithfulness to me; I would die. I can see in my minds eye the Lord leaving his flock of lambs as he looks for me in the wilderness. I hear his voice yet am so ashamed to respond and only in desperation and fear I cry out for the Master to help me when I here Him calling out my name. I don't want Him to see the pit that I have fallen into. Yet I am alone and afraid. And in his devotion to me, He once again frees me from the bondage of the pit and He places me in His arms where I feel secure and loved though I am bruised and battered.

This is what I find happens to me. I see sin….and it looks tasty yet it will never yield anything good. I bite this fruit and it starts to affect my heart like a weed. It then starts to affect my love for the Lord. I start to get hungry as this fruit never satisfies; but my appetite has been spoiled (Like candy before dinner). I then no longer hunger for the Word of God. I no longer thirst to pray. And in this state that my heart is in when I am in this darkness; my relationships with others start to see the fruit of this unrighteousness. It affects my relationship with my wife as I become irritable. Then it affects my relationships with everyone else and I start to distance myself from the ones who care about me. And in the end when all is said and done; all that this sin in my heart has produced is bad fruit and weeds.

Every action that I ever do will yield fruit of some kind. So I have been asking myself; am I yielding fruits of righteousness or weeds? And if I am to be honest; as I have pondered this over the last few days…..I have been producing weeds. So I have been focusing on repenting in my heart of hearts. I feel as if most of the last 3 years of my life I have planted weeds that now are choking the fruit that the Lord had grown through me. And I feel convicted. I love conviction as it always puts me back into the arms of Jesus (Thank you Father for convicting me of sin).

So I ask all who read this to please pray that I would be consistent with the Lord. I am so tired of going back and forth. Please pray that the sin that tends to have a stronghold in my heart would lose its appeal and that I would see it as it really is….a rotten, maggot filled lump of vomit.

Journal 12/15/05 - Humble Pie

Humble Pie….that is what I tend to eat these days. And my poor wife has had to deal with me speaking to her as if she were my toddler and not my best friend. Jessica; will you forgive me for speaking to you the way I have been lately? I did not even realize that I was doing that and I do apologize sincerely. You are my passion and my best friend and I am bummed that you have had to bear with me with my “tone” of speech. Again I love you with all that I am; and I pray that I would grow in this area of my life.

I would not be the man I am today or be able to do the things I do if it were not for the sacrifices that my wife has made. For example, let’s take ministering to the youth. My wife has had a burden for the youth for many years and I have only had a burden for them for this past year or so. Yet we don’t have a baby sitter on Thursday nights so my wife gets to stay home with the kids while I go out and minister to the high school kids. I am able to do what I know the Lord has called me to do and my wife can’t do that because in order for her to do that I would need to stay home. She is such an incredible example of how to love sacrificially. She does it every day and I bet she doesn’t even realize it. Thank you my love……you are the greatest thing that has happened to me apart from my salvation. And I still sing the song that the Lord gave me for you in my heart continually, for you are my butterfly and always will be. And may I say this as well; you are to me a lily amongst the thorns. Thank you for loving me; the unlovable.

So I wrote this song to my love 1 year before I asked her to marry me. I never told her that the Lord gave me this song for her; I hid it in my heart until the day I asked her to marry me. When I did ask her to marry me I played some worship songs with her and threw this song in the mix and then asked her to marry me. These are the words that the Lord gave me and they ring so true…I had no idea how true these words would be when the Lord gave me this song; but looking back the words have been so true. Here is the song:

My Butterfly

I want to say just what I feel
I thank You Lord for a love that’s real
You bless my life, I want to fly
I want to fly with my butterfly

Will you spread your wings and fly with me
Together now until eternity
This love we share does not compare
To a very rare diamond or ruby

Will you take my hand and fly with me
Through the winds of life, together we’ll see
The hand of God will guide you and me
Through the deepest seas, into the Heavenlies

With you in my life I can clearly see
What people call fate or call destiny
My butterfly, we are meant to be
I want the world to see how much you mean to me

I love you my butterfly
I want to be with you till I die
You are a precious gift to me
I want to fly with you eternally

I thank Jesus for a virtuous
Friend I have in you this is true love
My butterfly, we will fly
Into the skies, into the skies

I love you my butterfly
I want to be with you until I die
You are a precious gift to me
I want to fly with you eternally

I want to say just what I feel
I thank you Lord for a love that’s real
You bless my life and I will fly
Into the skies with my butterfly.


Again Jessica, I am sorry for talking to you like a child when in fact I am the child for talking to you that way. I love you my love.

Journal 12/12/05

So the holidays are upon us yet again. Wow it comes and goes so fast. I mean I just blinked and now I have been married for five years and I have three kids (Well, I have four kids…but three are with my wife. I have a 13 year old from when I was a teenager who lives out of the state). Where does the time go? I still feel like I am sixteen and my twenty-twelve birthday is fast approaching. Where is all the time going?

I have been thinking about this lately. November 16th was the anniversary of my dad’s death. He was killed when I was eight months old. He was twenty-four years old when he was shot by a 14 year old boy and hospitalized. He died 6 days after he was shot. He has been dead for thirty-one years. He has been dead longer than he was alive. That amazes me. I have lived a longer life than my father and I am only thirty one years old. And I still feel like a child myself. His life was just a dash (Born – died). He was born and then he died. The dash on his tombstone was all that his life was…..it was here and then it was gone.

So now I have been thinking about my dash….what will I do with the dash of time that I have on this earth? Will I live for myself? Probably! Will I help others? Maybe, but most likely not. Will I live selflessly? Highly unlikely; I will most likely live selfishly. That is if I am left to myself. But I am not.

I now have the Spirit of God living inside of me. I would hope that as the Lord grows me that I would stop looking at myself only and start seeking Him and at some point I would live a noble life where I could bless others even when it hurts me and I have to do it sacrificially. I desire that, yet am nowhere near there. I see that desire upon the horizon of my life and yet it’s so far away from who I am that I feel as if I will never reach that goal. I want to have a life that means something. And every time I live for myself it truly is meaningless.

We don’t have a lot of time. And because man was not created to die; (the wages of sin brought death) we live as if we will never die and that is because we have eternity in our hearts. And because we have eternity in our hearts we think we have more time than we really do. And in a moment it is over. We are dead and that is it. And when I stand before the Lord as everyone will one day; I can only pray that something was done in my life that mattered. As I stand before the One who fashioned me and molded all the good qualities in my life (If there are any….lol) I can only pray that I used these things in my life; these qualities that the Lord has given to me in a way that ministered to Him. Eternity is a very long time. And because my life is just a dash; I would hope that I would spend whatever time I have left in a way that would bless others and bless the Lord. I would hope that I would start doing what I know is right and would quit playing on the fence of inconsistency. I pray that the Lord would stabilize my life and cause me to life in a way that is solid. Time will tell…..that is, whatever time I have left.

Journal 12/8/05

Oh the sin nature never let’s up! One minute you are walking in perfect communion with the Lord and then the next minute you are battling the flesh. It’s like a wrestling match. I feel as if I have to place my flesh in a choke hold just so I can rest and breath. But then I get tired of keeping my guard up and want to rest and as soon as I do that…BAM!!!! I am punched by my flesh and the wind is knocked out of me.

So then I have to call upon the Lord again as I start to lose this fight. I hate this battle between my flesh and my spirit. My only hope is that when I die I have the promise from God himself that I won’t have this inner struggle anymore. He has promised me salvation and salvation consists of three different things. They are: Justification; sanctification and glorification.

These three things are linked together like a chain. You cannot have one of them you need all three in order to be delivered from the consequences of the sin nature. Most people think salvation consist of just the 1st item; Justification. That could not be further from the truth.

Justification deals with the penalty of sin
Sanctification deals with the power of sin
Glorification deals with the presence of sin.

Most people think about salvation as just being forgiven only. I was saved on this or that day….etc. What they are saying is that they were justified on a specific day and the penalty of their sin was dealt with at that time. But that is only the 1st part of salvation. You cannot stop there.

It’s like this: Justification starts the process of salvation. Sanctification is the part that we live out. And Glorification is the end process of our salvation.

That is why when the Bible tells us to “work out our salvation with fear and trembling” we don’t need to get all worked up and scared. It does not say…”Work FOR your salvation….” But rather, “Work it out”. In other wards, walk in holiness and let the Lord set you apart so that he can wash you and you can be clean.

Philippians 2:13-14: Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

I love the fact that the Word tells us to work out and then it says that it’s the Lord who works in us. This is fully dealing with the middle link of the chain of salvation…..Sanctification. And I also love what the word implies here too. When we try to clean ourselves…it’s only outward (Work out…) but when the Lord does the cleaning it is always inward (Work in). Thank you Lord for washing me clean from the inside out.

So now going back to my thoughts from the beginning of this post; I hate the process of being washed all the time. I hate the fact that I absolutely love being dirty most of the time. And I hate the fact that I desire to be clean even more than I desire to be dirty yet I battle back and forth with these two things…..I hate the tug-o-war. My hope is in the fact that once I die; sin will no longer attack me from the inside. I will be clean as the Lord gives me a new body that is sinless. I simply cannot wait. I feel like a child waiting for Christmas to come….as there are so many similarities. The child waits for Christmas and I wait for Christ. The child waits for presents to open; I wait for the Lord’s presence.

Oh how I long to be free from this body of death and I hunger for the day in which the Lord himself will complete this process of salvation and I am thoroughly clean from the inside out!

Journal 12/5/05

Oh how the Master is passionate for people! How the Lord desires to bring us into a safe haven where He can sit with us and love on us with all that He is. The problem is our sin nature. God told us that He is like a consuming fire by nature. He is so holy, pure, undefiled and clean that by nature he is a consuming fire. And we as fallen creatures are like dried up leaves that have fallen from our life source and have withered as we have dried up. With our sin, depravity and unrighteousness we are like dead grass. What happens when you place an all consuming fire and some dead leaves together? By nature the fire consumes the leaves…it is never the other way around and the two can never be joined together and coexist. Even if the fire loves the leaves; they simply cannot coexist as the laws of nature will not allow them. As soon as the fire tries to hug the leaf; the leaf is devoured and consumed.

So the passionate Master in all His wisdom and glory creates a way for us to sit with Him and not get burned or devoured…He decided that He would burn and even devour His own Son; and the life sustaining blood of Jesus is the fire retardant we can use to come to the Father; the All Consuming One and not be burned up like chaff.

I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for the Father as He goes out of his way to create a way for me to come to Him. And now with the protection of the blood of Jesus; He bids me “Come”. He states that I can now enter into His throne room freely and as often as I want. I can come boldly and confidently knowing that He will sit with me and love on me. I do find that there is no better place than sitting with the One who loves me.

We have such a great God as Christians and with the blood of Jesus protecting us something new happens as we are in the presence of God. The Consuming One now is able to cleanse us the same way as fire purifies gold when the two meet. As we sit with the Master; His nature remains the same. He consumes….and with the shield of Jesus’ blood the only thing that gets consumed are the impurities that we have in us. The Fire purges us and the more time we spend with Him; the cleaner we get. We can never sit with the Master and walk away the same….NEVER. Every time we sit the Master we walk away different…we walk away cleaner…and that is what blows me away.

The contrary is also true. The longer we stay out of the presence of God; the dirtier we get. That is why at times Christians can be real jerks….because they are unholy, unclean and simply stink as they have lived in the trash of this world. They have not sat with the Father who cleanses them and washes them clean.

I have not sat with the Master as I ought, and man do I stink; but I tell you this simple truth; he bids me to come and so I will. The question now is: Will you?

Journal 12/2/05

I received a nugget this morning as I was reading the Word and spending time with the Lord. I don’t know if I can articulate what the Lord shared with me easily but I will try.

We know that the book of Luke is volume one and that the book of Acts is volume two. We know this because in the 1st verses of each chapter in both books (Luke and Acts) was written to the same Roman official (Theopolis) and both books were written by Luke. We also know that the reason these two books were written was to defend Christianity and to defend Paul who was in jail for preaching Christianity. The book of Luke talks about what Jesus did before his death and resurrection and Acts talks about what happened after Jesus rose from the dead through about the first 30 years of the church. So both books combined deal with about 33 years of history….which was also the age Jesus was when he was murdered (I found that interesting).

We also know that it was illegal to preach any new religion without getting it legalized by Rome. And the reason Luke was writing these books was to show Rome that this was not a new religion as the Jews were proclaiming but this was the same Judaism that the Jews believed and that Jesus simply fulfilled the scriptures that the Jews believed (which is our old testament).

Ok, with all that said I was reading Luke chapter 4. In the end of chapter three is where Jesus is baptized and chapter four is where he goes into the wilderness and fast for 40 days. As he is fasting he is tempted and tested by the enemy of our souls. Once that ends he leaves the wilderness in the power of the Spirit of God and begins his three year ministry.

The Old Testament brought us the law. “Do this or that and you will live or die...” And Jesus brings in the law of grace. “Because you can’t do the law….this is what God will do…” etc.

This is what the Lord showed me.

Moses represents the Law…in Deut. 9:9 Moses is on a mountain and is fasting for 40 days while he receives the law.

Elijah represents the prophets of the Old Testament. After he destroyed the false prophets of Baal he runs for his life. He eats some food and in 1Kings 19:8 he takes off and doesn’t eat for 40 days.

Then there is Jesus who again represents the Law of Grace; he also fast for 40 days in Luke 4:2. We also know that the number 40 is the number for judgment and that the Lord is 3 in 1 (Father Son and Spirit). So you have three different people representing three parts of the scripture and we know that the whole of scripture proclaims God’s judgment. So you also have:

The Father = Who represents the Law
The Spirit = Who represents the Prophets
The Son = Who represents the Law of Grace

Each of these three parts of scripture brings a form of judgment and accountability to every person. You have all three parts of the God head represented through our entire cannon of scripture (The Law and the Prophets and the Law of Grace).

Going back to the Luke text; Jesus fasted. And we also know that Moses and Elijah fasted. In Luke chapter 9 we see Moses, Elijah and Jesus all together on the mount our transfiguration. So you have all three parts of the scripture (in a sense) dialoging over what’s about to happen with Jesus going to the cross.

We know that in Romans 3:19-23 it says that you cannot be justified before a holy God by doing the works of the law. It says that the law (the Old Testament) was given to us to show us how dirty we are. The Law was given to us to prove that we have violated God’s moral law of righteousness and that we are condemned and stand guilty before God (Romans 3:19-20).

In Romans 3:21 though it says that there is a righteousness that we can have that the Old Testament can’t give us and that the Law (Moses) and the prophets (Elijah) have witnessed this righteousness (I believe the righteousness that they witnessed was Jesus himself who brings in the law of grace just like in Mathew 17:1-8).

In the middle of Luke chapter four Jesus quotes from the Old Testament. He reads from Isaiah 61:1-2 and stops in the middle of verse two. Everything that Jesus read was about grace. And right where Jesus stopped reading in Isaiah deals with Gods judgment in the end times. So what Jesus said in laymen’s terms was this:

“Dude here I am to bring the rest of God’s plan for mankind as I bring the gospel of grace. In the future when I return I will bring the judgment to come but for right now I am bringing grace.”

Everyone who was there in Luke four and was listening to Jesus on that day (Luke chapter 4:22) marveled at Jesus’ gracious words. In the Greek the term "gracious words" is literally “Words of Grace”.

So here we are you and I who now are recipients of the grace that Jesus brought to mankind in Luke chapter four. I thought this was pretty cool.

Anyways, I don’t know if this makes any sense to you, but it sure makes a lot of sense to me….lol and I thought all of this was interesting. The Lord simply opened my eyes this morning to all of this and I was blown away at the grace of God found in that text.

I didn’t even touch on the whole testing in the wilderness that Jesus experienced and how it relates to the same testing that Eve went through in Genesis chapter three. Eve dealt with temptation the wrong way and sinned and Jesus dealt with it the right way and had victory….that is a whole new nugget to dig into. If you are interested; then I would be more than happy to share that whole thing that God did in that part of the text too.

I better cut this short as I know that long blogs like this can be too much sometimes. I hope you are blessed and ministered to through this and I pray that I was able to share this clearly so that you don’t walk away more confused now.

Journal 12/1/05

Why do I journal my struggles and victories for the whole world to see?

I journal my heart and soul online and want the world to see it because I have found in my personal experience that most of the Christians that I have had good relationships with never dealt with the issues of the heart because they were too afraid that they were far worse sinners than the rest of us. And when a person comes to Jesus and sees his/her sin and then looks at a person who has been saved for awhile; they tend to think that the one who has been saved longer has it dialed in and then the newer believer doesn’t deal with the issues of the heart, they bury it and then down the road they struggle with major sin because they were too afraid to expose themselves in the 1st place.

So I decided that I would journal online so that the world could see that even though I have been a Christian for many years now (I think 14 years)....that I still do not have this thing dialed in. I still struggle and I still have highs and lows. I want to be an open book so that when a new believer reads my entries, they can relate to it and see that though I struggle and they struggle, in the end, the Lord works it all out. Does that make sense? That is why I journal online.

Fallen

There once was a time when I stood up tall
Of course that was before I chose to fall
I stumbled and fell as I chose to give in
I listened to my heart and decided to sin

So I now reap from the fruit that I‘ve sown
As my heart becomes molded and shaped hard as stone
My flesh was once powerless; when I walked in God’s light
Yet now I am powerless; as my flesh extends its might

So what do I do as my flesh crushes me?
Do I call upon God and ask him to forgive me?
Sadly I don’t do this as this would be too wise
I fall deeper in sin as I fall into demise

I’m fallen, I’m fallen is all I can say
Yet not once do I look up to the Lord and pray
I do not repent and this causes more pain
I sink deeper in sin; as I’m bound and I’m chained

And of course I don’t see the bondage that I’m in
I think I’m ok; yet I’m not nor have been
Deception blinds my eyes and I think I’m ok
As my hard heart continues to decline and to stray

I crawl in my vomit and I drink it like water
Not realizing my sin leads me right to the slaughter
I think I can go on just like I am now
Eating up my sin as I down it like chow

Forgetting the judgment that will one day come
My sin makes my heart grow limp and grow numb
Devoured by my own lack of self control
If left to myself; I would crush my own soul

Yet there is still hope for a hard heart like mine
As my conscience convicts me and Gods light starts to shine
He looks into my darkness and exposes my shame
As he starts to change me; I am no longer the same

So yes I am fallen but forgiven as well
God takes me from the vomit and I start to excel
The Lord leads me to higher places than ever before
For I have now repented and have started to soar

I’m clean! I am clean are the new words I now say
I worship my God as I seek him and pray
Unworthy and humbled I come to His throne
Where I hear the words, “My son, welcome home!”

I stand there dumbfounded as I see the Lord’s love
I watch as his spirit descend upon me like a dove
I’m empowered as his spirit floods my saved soul
My hard heart is renewed as my spirit is made whole

My heart begins to break as I look all around
I see all my friends as they lay there all bound
They are all snared in the same sin I was in
I begin to pray hard as they are where I’ve been

I look past my friends and see my family as well
They are bound and are hurting yet they simply can’t tell
I start weeping and sobbing as I look further away
There are seas of lost people all bound as lost prey

I look up at Jesus as I hear him start to speak
“My son these are people who need Me yet are weak
Go to them and show them just how clean you are
And bring them to Me; bring them all from afar”

I replied to Jesus as I gazed at this sea
“There’s too many my Lord; how can I set them free?”
“You cannot my son; that is not your task
Just bring them to me; is all that I ask”

With God’s power upon me I do as I’m told
I go to my friends and I say, “Look, Behold!”
“I am clean! I’ve been washed; I am free from my bonds”
They just look up at me yet they do not respond

I speak louder and clearer as I grab on their chains
They begin to rebuke me; “Dude, are you insane?”
I stop in my tracks as I am caught off guard
“My friends, you don’t see this because your hearts are too hard”

In love I move forward and I continue my task
I bring each one to Jesus; just like he had asked
This toil overwhelms me as most people resist
They want nothing to do with me as they shake their fist

And though there are many too many to count
My heart cannot stop as I seek to help out
Each person I bring to my Lord without fail
He has freed them from chains; he has saved them from hell

So this is my task until the Lord takes me home
I will seek to bring people to Him wherever I roam
I do this because I can here the Lord calling
“My Son, there’s another, grab him; he has fallen!”

Written By Bill Scott, Sr. On 11/29/05

Journal 11/28/05

I just came back from a week vacation in God’s country…Florence Oregon. I love living in the Northwest. After a week of rest; I desire to jump into investing my time with all the young people of the Northwest. I pray that the Lord would give me wisdom on how to reach them and how to teach them about entering into His wonderful presence. I look forward to the work that lies ahead with eagerness and excitement.

Father, please use me to bring as many people into your presence as possible. Help me to redeem the time and to be fruitful as the days get darker and darker. Please keep my wholly sanctified and fully surrendered to You alone. In Jesus name I pray….Amen!

Eternity

I saw in my mind something that was so real
And I need to share this; it’s not to be concealed
This vision I saw; totally blew me away
This vision came to me as I sat down and prayed

I was lifted up to the highest of heights
I saw the ground flee as I began this flight
The mountains grew smaller; the higher I went
The earth began to flee as I continued to ascend.

After what seemed like hours; since I began to fly
I saw a bright light; in the far distant sky
The closer I got; to this bright shining light
The more amazed I was; as I took in the sight.

Angels were flying all throughout this place
They were shouting out words that were showered with grace
The beauty I saw was a lot to behold
I saw waters of crystal and streets made of gold

Music was playing; and it seemed to abound
As melodies sang their harmonious sounds
My heart was rejoicing as I took in these things
My ears then heard the words; "Behold! It’s our King!"

My heart skipped a beat; as I instantly cried
These were tears of joy; like the tears of a bride
I cannot express the emotions I felt
My knees started shaking; my heart began to melt

I fell on my face as if though I were dead
I felt a strong hand; that was touching my head
I looked up to see; who it was standing there
My mouth dropped wide open; as I looked and I stared

Lifted to my feet; by this Man's strong Hand
I began to sob; as I started to stand
He then spoke a word, which made my heart go just wild
He said, "Welcome home, My son and My child!"

I could not believe it; as I stood there amazed
It was Jesus holding me; as my heart filled with praise
The King of all Glory; hugged me right where I stood
I was in pure bliss; and this felt very good

"Enter into your rest; Enter in it with Me
I love you My Child; and I hold the key
So let's go together; as one thing must occur
I need to present you; to My heavenly Father"

With His arms held around me; I felt so secure
I knew Jesus loved me; I knew this for sure
We walk into God's throne room; we walked into it slowly
I heard creatures saying; "Holy, Holy, Holy!"

A man stood alone there; in his own defense
As Satan accused him; the courtroom was intense
The man tried to explain; just why he was good
But God silenced him right there where he stood!

"Have you ever lied?" was a question God asked
The man just said "yes"; as he stood there and gasped
"Have you ever stolen? Answer me; answer NOW!"
The man shook his head yes; as sweat rolled off his brow

"I cannot allow unrighteousness in here.
You chose to live in sin; you refused to hear
Your decision was made; as I have now heard your plea
The verdict I pronounce on you is GUILTY!"

"Depart from me now; for I know you not!"
Were the words that God spoke; as emotions got hot
The man then departed; in total dismay
I heard weeping and wailing; as he was cast away

The heavens then fled; as I stood there and trembled
A thunderous voice spoke; as everyone assembled
I looked in this court room; with God as the judge
I froze there in my tracks; until I felt a nudge

My heart sank in horror as I too became tense
Satan smirked at me; as I stood in defense
I looked up at Jesus; as I cried like a flood
"My Child; don't worry; you sealed with My blood"

Satan started speaking; accusing me of sin
I stood there guiltily as I shook in my skin
After what seemed like hours; after all he had said
He looked right in my eyes; “Hey Bill, you are dead!”

I started to sob as I knew he was right
I thought I was to die; as I stood there in fright
Then all of a sudden when I thought all was lost
Jesus stood with me; and showed His Father the cross

He said nothing at all when He hugged my poor frame
I saw scars on his hand; as he called out my name
He then looked to the Father; showed his hands as a sign
He said, “Father, Bill Scott, was sealed; he is Mine!”

I wept and I wept as I heard the Lord speak
I was humbled and thankful as the Lord kissed my cheek
And though I stood there vulnerable and exposed
The Father pronounced to the courtroom “Cased Closed”

I leaped and I jumped as joy filled all my soul
The Lord fulfilled His word; as he has made me whole
And now here I am; resting in the Lord undone
Because a long time ago, I placed my trust in God’s Son!

So this was the vision; that I needed to share
It started one day; as I sat down in prayer
One thing is for sure; it is a guarantee
We’ll either live in heaven; or hell in eternity!

Written by Bill Scott, Sr.

Journal 11/15/05

I am amazed at the grace of God. He has been so faithful and though I stumble and fall, my sin never moves the Lord. He has been so good to me. I had a vision about three years ago of this square that was sorta beige in color. It had steps on it and pillars on it and people were hanging out there. Then a year ago my wife and I were vacationing in Oregon and I decided to go for a drive alone and hang out with the Lord. As I drove I ended up at a place called Pioneer Square. There was a rave happening and there must have been hundreds of high school and college age kids there. The thing that intrigued me the most was that I saw Pioneer Square in my vision a few years before. That place was exactly what I saw in my vision and now I was seeing it right before my eyes.

As I drove around the square in my car, the Lord spoke to me saying, “There is a cancer starting in the young people of this city. And I want to use you to lead them to me.” I was blown away. I knew at that point that I was supposed to live in Oregon; so for the next 8 months my wife and I worked towards that goal, and then the Lord opened the door for us to move here this last May. We bought a house and now live here in Hillsboro Oregon.

So for the last year I have been thinking that I was supposed to minister at Pioneer Square; but I am not so sure that the Lord specifically meant that. For the last three years I have been seeking a confirmation of where to live. I have been asking the Lord to lead me as I lead my family and I now believe that the Lord did two things when he brought me to Pioneer Square last year. I believe that the reason he gave me the vision of Pioneer Square was so that I would know what location to live (i.e. Portland Oregon) and I also believe that the reason he spoke to me about the kids was because that is the area of ministry that he desires to use me in. What an incredible blessing.

So now my wife and I are slowly getting involved with the high school kids from our church. I feel that the Lord desires to use me in a very specific and unique way. He wants me to show these teens how to get fully into His presence. He wants to use me to lead these teens in worship and intimacy with the Master. So that is what I am doing. On Monday nights I pick up a few teens and we practice worship music. We work on dynamics and practice playing skillfully to the Lord. We seek to honor the Lord and to grow in his grace as He takes our hearts and leads us into the throne room of grace.

Then on Friday nights we have a time of prayer and afterglow. This is a place where the Lord takes what we have practiced on Monday nights and we then lead whoever is with us into the Lords presence.

The reason this is so cool is because Jessica and I have had Friday night prayer in our home for the last 3-5 years. And now I know why. The Lord was teaching us what it was like to be with Him so that we could take others with us as we enter into the presence of the Lord. This is so exciting. The Lord has been giving us new songs as he stirs our hearts and I believe that he is starting a new work with the young people of Oregon.

There is so much to share and yet I find it difficult to place words on what the Lord is doing. I do believe that God is going to fully capture the hearts of the young people in the Northwest and I am honored yet humbled that He may choose to use me. All I can do is drop my jaw and stand here wide eyed with an open mouth as I watch the Lord orchestrate this new and eternal work. All I can do is praise the Master for His incredible love for people and pray that I too would embrace others as He does. It will be cool to see what the Lord does in the weeks; months and years to come as I truly believe that the Lord is planting Jessica and I here for a long term work.

Please pray with me for the Masters work to be fully accomplished. Pray for maturity and growth and unity. Pray that we would see the Lord high and lifted up and that fruit would abound in the hearts and actions of all of the young people here in the Northwest.

Bill Scott, Sr.

Journal 11/9/05

Father,

I thank you for my salvation. I thank you for my wife and my kids and the family that you have given me. Thank you for all your many blessings that you have blessed me with. Please forgive me for not being as good of a husband or father as I ought to be. I am such a joke as a Christian and a father and husband. Yet you love me anyways. I know that you desire to change me from the inside out. I long for you to sanctify my heart. I look forward to the day that I walk in a glorified body; never to sin again.

I ask that you would use Jessica and I for your glory with the young people at our church and I ask for direction with Amanda. Please give us wisdom on what to do.

In Jesus name I pray....

Amen

Journal 11/4/05

Father,

My heart desires nothing less than you only. I need you Jesus. I want to sit with you and lean against your chest. I want to rest in your presence as there is so much peace when I am with you. I think about how the storms of my life overwhelm me so much. And then I ponder how the disciples were in that furious raging storm and they thought they were going to die. I have been there Lord. I thought I would die as the waters of life crashed upon me. And when the disciples came to their senses, they sought you. And what were you doing Lord? You were sleeping. You were so in control that the storm did not affect you at all. And I want to be in that place there Lord. I want to be next to you; held by you when the waters come crashing down. Because you were at perfect peace and if I were with you then I know that I would be at peace as well. So I ask that you would help me to get into that wonderful place today. I need to be in your arms and held by you. I need you to touch me and simply hold me today my Master. I look forward to tonight Jesus when we sit in your presence and wait upon you to share your heart with us. I ask that you would teach us a lesson in life tonight Lord. Please use me to draw others into your presence and please speak to all of us tonight when we are there with you. Thank you for listening to my heart.

Bill

Journal 11/1/05

Father,

I long to walk in righteousness. I truly desire purity of the highest degree. I want to be a man who walks with integrity and character yet I feel as if I can never attain this in my flesh, in this body. Please help me to continue in your righteousness. I ask for grace and mercy upon my inflicted sin stained soul. I ask for wisdom on how to be a good steward of time and of all the things that you have blessed me with. I ask for wisdom on what to do with the high school ministry and I ask for direction. Please use Jessica and I for your glory. Please fill us with all of you and lead us as we lead our kids. Please guide us into your presence daily as we long to be satisfied. I need you Jesus to consume me. Will you? Thank you my Lord, for being an incredible example for me to model my life after. Help me to glorify you in everything I say and do.

Amen.

Deception

The enemy is crafty; the enemy is slick
The enemy can take a man; and play him like a trick
And for whatever reason; we think we are ok
Every time we turn our backs and start to walk away

The thing about deception; we believe we are alright
And the whole time; we can not see; as we have lost our sight
And when we are in darkness; we cannot see what’s clear
We see things not as they are; but as the do appear

We take what we have seen; and we twist it in our minds
We think we have insight; yet the whole time we are blind
We conjure up our schemes; with our systematic plans
And in deception we deceive; each other with our scams

It is a vicious circle; and the fruit from this has spots
And when we see this ugly fruit; we realize it all rots
And we start to see clearly; as the Lord opens our eyes
He shows us that we were wrong and spares us from demise

We then see the big picture; and the truth blows us away
We see the Lord; we see the truth; and wonder how we strayed
Pride comes into the picture; as we think that we have learned
We vow that we won’t fail again; not knowing that we turned

And as we talk about; how the Lord opened our eyes
We once again; fall into sin; and believe we are wise
And in this fallen state; we once again believe
That we are right; and they are wrong; yet were once again deceived.

Written by Bill Scott, Sr. on 10/21/05

Come to Me

I heard a voice; the other day
Say, “Come to Me”; please do not stray
I asked the voice; why should I come?
The answer then made me grow numb.

Come to Me; because it’s wise
I’ll save you from the devil’s lies
Come to Me; just as you are
I’ll heal your wounds and heal your scars

Come to Me; don’t hesitate
Turn around and accelerate
Come to Me; and you will find
I heal the sick and heal the blind

Come to Me; come now my son
I’ve done it all; the work is done
So come to Me; and let’s begin
The process of dealing with sin

Just Come my child, Oh come and see
Obey my cries and hear my plea’s
I love you son; please turn your ear
Don’t wander away; will you hear?

Just come and all things will work out
Believe in Me; please do not doubt
For I will heal all those who come
I heal them all, not only some

Abide in me and I will give
To you long life as you will live
And all your needs; I will supply
I will not fail; and do not lie

So Come my child is all I ask
Remain in me; will be your task
For I won’t leave nor forsake you
It’s you I seek and I pursue

As Jesus shared His heart with me
My heart pounded in jubilee
Forever changed now; by one plea
When Jesus said, “Son, come to Me!”

Written by Bill Scott, Sr on 10/19/05

Journal 10/19/05

I have been on this journey for a while in my spiritual life. And there have been times where the sun was shining and the skies were blue. And then there have been times where the sky turns black as the storms come in. Well, for the last two years, the skies have been black. Not just from a normal storm, but from the blackest, darkest ugliest storm. It was like pollution filled the air and all I could see was the blackest smoke as it choked the very life out of me causing my heart to fail me.

Well, the storm has again past, yet I lay here scarred from the inflicting damage that this dark storm has caused. Yet I have hope. This storm past awhile ago and I have been in a dark season of healing for a very long time. And I am not fully healed yet. But the Lord gave me a picture in my minds eye. I can see in my minds eye the Lord doing heart surgery on me. I am lying there totally wounded and inflicted yet at the same time, I see my heart in the hands of my Master. He is gently healing my heart. And though this is extremely painful; I am overjoyed that the Lord has my heart. I am blessed to know that the Lord is so near to me as He holds my very life blood in his hands. I love being this close to the Master as he heals the wounds. And though I am still in surgery so to speak, I know that once the Lord has done what he needs to with my spiritual heart, then the time of healing will begin. This really excites me.

Thank you Jesus; for loving me as much as you do. I am so grateful that you hold my heart and that you actually heal the wounded and afflicted. You are incredible and I am overwhelmed with a passion that at moments in time; consume me. I know that you have this same passion for me; yet your passion is at all times. I love you Lord; not like I ought to; but as Peter said; I love you as a friend. I want to love you more deeply; more fervently with more passion; and I need you to work that love into my heart as you hold and mold this new spiritual heart that you are giving to me. Thank you for everything; you are the greatest!

Bill Scott, Sr.

Before the Fall

Written by Bill Scott, Sr. on 10/17/05

Before the Fall

Way back in time; when our ancestors lived
The world was all new; it was not as it is
Our forefathers walked freely; as they roamed on the earth
They lived in a new world; that just experienced birth

The atmosphere guarded; man from harmful rays
And a mist came up from the ground; new everyday
The sky full of birds; the land filled with fields
The earth was breath taking; as its newness was revealed

Plants, herbs, and trees; all yielding seeds of their kind
The earth was truly created; for all of mankind
You could hear the wind whistle; as it gently breezed
The air extra crispy; as it blew through the trees

And you had all the seasons; in perfection displayed
This was heaven on earth; before all of this decayed
The seasons declaring; to man as a sign
A sense of urgency; as it gave the man “time”

The earth was magnificent; in its prime as it stood
Yes the earth was glorious; it was totally good
Molecules filled the air; which in turn filled mans lungs
The filtered air kept all of man looking young

The earth in its glory was paradise for all
But this was before the agony of the fall
For when man decided that it was time to sin
He became isolated and ashamed of his skin

We now live in a world that is full of deceit
Where man lives to rob, to steal and to cheat
Creation now cursed; with man born to die
This is not how it was; yet you cannot deny

That things were much different; than they are currently now
For man now must work by the sweat of his brow
And though things are ugly and sin hurts us all
Heaven was here on earth; before the fall

Enter In

"Enter In" By Jessica N. Scott


Enter in and
worship with me
Come and sit, please
Before His feet.

Confident in Him
Walk through that door,
Find your place here
and kneel with me on the floor.

Lose Yourself freely
As You praise His name
You've got nothing to Lose
and everything to gain.

Wait on Him in peace
He wants for you to learn
Everything you can
and all that you yearn.

His heart is pure,
loving, gracious, and true.
There's nothing He wants more,
Than to meet with you.

So place your feet
one in front of the other,
Join us in prayer,
Your sisters and brothers.

Just Enter In.

After the Rain

(I wrote this today. It is for two purposes. This poem is about what I have gone through with the struggles of almost losing my son two years ago. I am still trying to heal through that very harsh storm in my life. As well I am dedicating this poem to all those who have been effected by Hurricane Katrina and Rita. My prayers are with you...Bill Scott, Sr.)

After the Rain

Right after my storm; as the winds stopped and ceased
There was a great calm; as I sighed in relief
And though there is damage; from the previous rage
I can start a new chapter; and can turn a new page

But as the dust settles; and I clearly can see
I look through the rubble; though I would rather flee
Though all is destroyed; and there’s nothing but sand
I can still trust in my God; as He helps me to stand

As I survey the damage; and I calculate cost
The pain swells up in me; as I see all I’ve lost
Though I tremble in horror; and I ask the Lord why?
I know the Lord loves me; and it’s ok to cry.

It’s so overwhelming; as my emotions do flare
It’s easy to doubt; that my God really cares
And yes the storm passed; yet the fierce winds were real
It’s so hard to move on; as I struggle to heal

My eyes fill with water; my mouth gets all dry
My heart sinks in despair; as I long to die
My emotions, they hurt me; I hunger and thirst
My heart; it aches badly; I feel as if it will burst

The rain is now gone and the skies are now blue
Yet I still haven’t healed; from what I’ve gone through
And now time has passed; as life continues on
I still live in darkness; even though the night’s gone

I know this sounds gloomy; what else can I say?
The Lord will heal my heart; as I seek Him and pray?
My worst fears behind me; or that’s what they say
I once felt victorious; I now feel like prey

But all is not lost; though I feel that it is
For my heart isn’t mine, it is totally His
And my God is faithful; I’ll trust Him till I die
I will lift His name up; I will lift it up high

My God is my healer; he will one day heal me
And though I am now mourning; I will one day be free
For here is a truth; that I will try to explain
The Son always shines; even after the rain!

Billy

I have a son who is barely three
Who is now learning where to pee
There is one thing he doesn’t get
That pee belongs in the toilet.

We’ve tried all things to let him know
Just where his poo and pee should go
But even though we’ve tried and tried
He fills his pants just like a tide

So now we are at our wits end
My son just does not comprehend
That he must no longer poo or pee
In his pants; why can’t he see?

But I am not fooled by his wit
I’ll work with him; I will not quit
The boy will learn what he must do
He cannot sit in pee or poo

No diapers are allowed on him
Because he fills them to the brim
And I don’t care what people think
My son’s crap totally stinks

So Billy, listen up right now
Don’t say, “I can’t; I don’t know how”
For I am tired of the mess
It’s time for you to make progress

Listen to my words my son
It’s about time to git er done
Just learn the lesson; get a clue
Or I just may have to pee on you.

My Butterfly

I want to say just what I feel
I thank You Lord for a love that’s real
You bless my life, I want to fly
I want to fly with my butterfly

Will you spread your wings and fly with me
Together now until eternity
This love we share does not compare
To a very rare diamond or ruby

Will you take my hand and fly with me
Through the winds of life, together we’ll see
The hand of God will guide you and me
Through the deepest seas, into the Heavenlies

With you in my life I can clearly see
What people call fate or call destiny
My butterfly, we are meant to be
I want the world to see how much you mean to me

I love you my butterfly
I want to be with you till I die
You are a precious gift to me
I want to fly with you eternally

I thank Jesus for a virtuous
Friend I have in you this is true love
My butterfly, we will fly
Into the skies, into the skies

I love you my butterfly
I want to be with you until I die
You are a precious gift to me
I want to fly with you eternally

I want to say just what I feel
I thank you Lord for a love that’s real
You bless my life and I will fly
Into the skies with my butterfly.

A Love Song to Jesus

Oh How I long to be with You my Lord, forever.
Deeply held in Your arms of grace.
Please hold me close to You, embraced in Your love, Savior.
Hold me so I can touch Your face.

Jesus, sweet Jesus, You are all I need
Oh Jesus, sweet Jesus, You are all I need.
You are all I need…..You’re my gift.

This love that I’m feeling overwhelms me completely.
I see Your mercy in Your eyes.
Your passion for me, consumes my thoughts, You have healed me.
You wiped my tears, taken my cries.

Jesus, sweet Jesus, You are all I need
Oh Jesus, sweet Jesus, You are all I need.
You are all I need…..You’re my gift.

Proverbs Six

My son, My son; if you’ve become, surety for your friend
If you have shaken hands in pledge; for a stranger, to no end
If you are snared and taken; by the words of your own mouth
Do this my son, to deliver you; and free you from this vow.

Since you have come into, the hand of your own friend
Humble yourself, plead your case; go now, do this; begin!
Give no slumber to your eyelids, Give no sleep to your eyes
Deliver yourself like a gazelle; like a bird saved from demise.

Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider her ways, be wise
She has no captain, nor ruler; yet each summer provides supplies
She gathers food in harvest, there’s a lesson here to learn
How long will you sleep O sluggard? When will you rise and turn?

A little sleep, a little slumber; a little folding of your sleeping hands
And poverty shall come upon you, like a prowler; your need, like an armed man.
A worthless person, a wicked man, walks with a mouth of perversity
He winks his eyes, shuffles his feet; devises evil continually

He points his finger, he sows discord; perversity’s in his heart
Calamity shall come his way and he shall fall apart
Suddenly he shall be broken, without remedy, without end
His life will be worse off now; than when his life began.

There are six things that the LORD hates; yes, seven are an abomination
A lying tongue, a man who sows, discord among the brethren
Hearts that devise, wicked plans; hands that shed innocent blood
Feet that run to evil; faster than a sudden flood

A proud look, a false witness, who constantly speaks lies
These abominations are hated by God, and are despised.
My son, my son, you must obey, keep your fathers command
Do not forsake your mothers law; for they will make you stand

Bind these laws upon your heart; do this continually
Tie these laws around your neck; they will keep you when you sleep.
For when you roam, they’ll lead you, when you awake, they will speak life
For the commandment is a lamp, and the law is a bright light

Reproofs of instruction, are the way of life, you see
To keep you from the evil woman; from her fleeting beauty
To keep you from the seductress; from her flattering tongue
Don’t lust after her beauty; don’t go for her, it’s wrong

Do not be allured, by the way she moves her eyes
For by means of a harlot, many strong men have died
For a man is reduced to a crust of bread; yes, that is right
As your precious soul, becomes the prey, of ones wife

Can a man take fire into his bosom and his clothes not be burned?
Can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be blistered?
So it is with he, who goes into his neighbors wife
Whoever touches her shall not be innocent, but despised.

People don’t despise a thief, when he steals because he’s hungry
Yet when he’s found, he must restore. Sevenfold for his robbery
He may have to give up, all the household things he owns
That’s the price he’ll have to pay, he will reap what was sown

Whoever commits adultery with a woman is a fool
For he who does so, lacks understanding, and destroys his soul
Wounded and dishonored, that’s the way that he will be
His reproach wont go away; no, it will never cease

For jealousy is a husbands fury to no end
And he will never spare you in the day of vengeance
He wont accept recompense, nor be appeased with gifts
Though you give him many; you will never profit!!!

Proverbs Seven

My son, my son, you must obey
Treasure my words and never stray

Keep my commands so you may live
Flee from the immoral woman

Bind my law upon your finger
Say to wisdom you’re my sister

Keep my law before your eyes
Flee the seductress or you’ll die

For outside my window was a man
Who had no clue, did not understand

He took the path that’s near her house
He met the harlot and was aroused

She is crafty, loud, and keen
She’s never home, always lurking

On the corner, she saw him there
She caught his eyes and saw him stare

She ran to him in such a bliss
Threw up her arms, gave him a kiss

With a shameless face she said
Come home with me, I’ve perfumed my bed

My husbands gone, I’m all alone
Let’s delight in love, come on, let’s go!

With enticing speech, she made him stop
And captured him, just like an ox

He was caught up in her snare
Because this young man did not care

His lust consumed him like a river
Till an arrow pierced his liver

As he took another’s wife
He had no idea it would cost his life

Therefore my child, listen again
To these words I have spoken

Don’t let your heart follow her ways
Get off the path she’s on today

For she has wounded many men
Even the strong ones could not win

Her house is on the path to hell
Where chambers await all those who fell

Proverbs Nine

Wisdom has now built her house
With seven pillars, all hewn out
She has slaughtered all her meats
She’s mixed her wine; prepared her feast

The tables’ set, the food is done
She’s sent her maidens their works begun
She cries out, from the highest place
Come eat with me, hurry, don't wait

Whoever’s simple; lend me your ear
Don’t understand... then turn in here
For I have, prepared my bread
I’ve mixed my wine; let’s eat, she said!

Forsake your foolishness and live
Understanding is what I will give
A scoffer you cannot correct
Your words of life he will reject

A wicked man, do not rebuke
You’ll harm yourself; and he’ll hate you
Rebuke a wise man for he will receive
Give him instruction and he will heed

Teach a just man, and you, he’ll love
He’ll increase in learning from above
The fear of God, is wisdom, you see
Knowledge of Him is understanding

For I, Wisdom, to you will add
Years to your life; rejoice, be glad
If you are wise, great seeds are sown
But if you scoff, you’re on your own

A foolish woman’s loud and brass
Her words are vain; her actions rash
For she sits outside her house
Near the high place where she shouts out

She calls to those who pass on by
The simple hear and buy her lie
To those who do not understand
They turn aside; give her their hand

She tells them stolen waters sweet
Bread in secret is what you should eat
But they don’t know the dead are there
And the depths of hell shall be their share!

Proverbs Five

My son, my son, listen to me.
Heed my wisdom, my understanding.

That you'll preserve and be discrete.
With your knowledge set in concrete.

For the wicked woman lives a lie.
Those who turn there will surely die.

Her steps lay hold of the gates of hell.
Please know these truths and know them well.

Heed the words that come from my mouth.
And run away from this woman's house.

Lest she take from you all of your health.
And her friends be filled with all your wealth.

Don't spend your time with her my son.
Lest you give your years to the cruel one.

And you mourn at last when you are consumed.
When once this woman has sealed your doom.

Don't hate instruction, don't despise rebuke.
Don't reject the teachers of your youth.

Please drink water from your own cistern.
Heed my advice, and turn from her.

Why should your fountains be discarded?
For this woman, for this harlot?

I pray your fountain will be blessed.
With your own wife's satisfying breast.

Always be ravished with her love.
And flee the harlot mentioned above.

For the ways of man are before the Lord.
Don't get entangled in sinful cords.

For God does ponder all of your ways.
Don't be a fool, don't go astray.

Proverbs Eight

Does not wisdom cry aloud?
And lift her voice above the crowd

She takes her stand on the hill top
Besides the way where paths meet up

She cries out by the city gates
She lifts her voice to those who wait

To you, O men, I wisdom, call
My voice is to the sons of all

Oh simple ones, and you fools’ too
Understand all I say and do

Listen, I will speak great truths
From my mouth, I will speak to you

No wickedness is on my lips
Only words of truth and righteousness

Nothing crooked or perverse
My truths are plain to those who thirst

Receive instruction straight from me
They’re worth more than gold or rubies

For all the things one may desire
Compared with me are muck and mire

For I am, intelligent
I find knowledge and discretion

The fear of God is to always hate
Pride, Arrogance, and Perversity

Wisdom and counsel are mine
They will stand the tests of time

I understand, I have great strength
By me alone, do all kings reign

By me princes and nobles rule
They pour forth justice upon the fool

I love those, who do love me
So seek me, diligently

For riches, honor, and righteousness
I’ll give to you in faithfulness

Because my fruit is more than gold
Yes, greater than the things of old

I traverse the righteous way
Those who love me will not stray

Do you want wealth, then follow me
For I will fill your treasuries

For God possessed me in His way
From the beginning until this day

I was here; I’ve had no birth
Yes, I was here before the earth

There were no depths or fountains flowing
No mountains, hills, or grass growing

While yet God had not made the fields
Before the Lord started to build

I was here when God made the skies
I saw Gods’ work with my own eyes

He drew a circle on the deep
Created clouds, all thing that creep

He created fountains, sea, and land
That they should obey His command

He gave them boundaries with His own hand
I was there as His craftsman

And I was daily His delight
Because my ways are always right

My joys’ in the work of Gods’ hand
Yes, I delight in the sons of man

Now therefore listen to me
Blessed are those who truly keep

All of my ways, for they are wise
When they don’t disdain me, nor despise

Watch me daily at my gates
Wait at my door don’t hesitate

To him who finds me I will give
To him new life, yes, he shall live

But he who wrongs me by his lie
Wrongs his soul and he will die.

Changes

(Written 5/20/03 - Tobias was 7 days old)

Cries use to really bug me; they got under my skin
But now I wish that Tobi's cries; would one day begin
Lord, how will I ever raise; not one child but two?
Father, with Billy and Tobias; what will I ever do?

I have always lived like it was all about just me
Now I constantly worry about those closest to me
My wife is in pain and Tobi is really sick
My other son Billy seems to be lost in the mix

With life their comes changes each day does bring some more
I need to live out this live in the strength of the Lord
In life there are changes so when things do seem odd
We must always remember to seek the face of God.

Marriage brought me laughter, joy and contentment
It also brought me changes with no resentment
Because it brought me children now my life is not the same
I love my kids so much even in the midst of pain

With life their are changes they effect everyone of us
That is why we need to cling to the love of Jesus
In life there are changes so now what will we do?
Will we complain or will we change? It's really up to you...!

Psalm Three

LORD, how they have increased, those who trouble my soul
For they rise against me, there’s so many, don’t you know?
Many say against me, they say this and it’s odd
They say there is no help for him who trusts in my God.

But You O Lord do shield me; You’re my Glory, You lift my head
I cried to You, O Lord with my voice, You heard everything that I said

I lay down and slept, I awoke, Lord; it’s me that you sustain
I will not be afraid, O Lord, of ten thousand men this day
They set themselves against me; they’re all around you know
Arise O Lord and save me, strike my enemies, my foes
Selah

Arise my Lord, arise my God, save me, I’m all alone
For you have struck my enemies; You have struck their cheek bones
You have broken the teeth, of the ungodly ones
Salvation belongs to the Lord; Your blessings upon Your sons.
Selah.

Psalm Two

Why do the nations rage my LORD, and people plot vain things?
Where kings on earth do set themselves, and rulers’ counsel say:
Let’s break their bonds in pieces, and cast away their cords
For we’re against Gods’ anointed; yes, we’re against the LORD

For He who sits in heaven, shall laugh at the wicked
The LORD shall speak to them in wrath, and hold them in derision
And distress them in His displeasure, yes; this is what will be
For on My Holy hill, Zion; is where I’ve set My King

I will declare a decree, The LORD has said to me
You are My Son, I’ve begotten You, I give you, ask of Me
I give You Your inheritance, the nations You possess
You shall break them with a rod of iron; You shall dash them in pieces

Now therefore, you must be wise O kings, and you rulers of the earth
Serve the LORD with fear; rejoice, tremble for what it’s worth
Kiss the Son, lest He gets mad and you perish in the way
For blessed are those who trust in Him, when His wrath has gone away.

My Friend

If time would have told me; where my life would be
I would of known Jesus; had mercy on me
For back in the day; when loneliness set in
The Lord showed me His love; He brought me my best friend.

Even before; all of man's time began
The Lord had my best friend; as part of His plan
He fashioned my friend; to be there for me
He answered my prayers; before my 1st plea.

And all through the storms; and in all the rain
The Lord gave me my friend; to help with my pain
And as lightning struck me; and inflicted my soul
My friend helped me up; out of the deep hole

I thought I would die; as I started to drown
My friend picked me up; and helped me to dry ground
Through all my grief; as I lived in despair
My friend’s arms embraced me; as my friend truly cared

Here’s another case; where the scriptures are true
One isn’t enough; it’s better to have two
For when a man hurts; and needs a helping hand
It sometimes takes two; to help one man stand

So thank you my Lord; for sending my friend
Your love towards me is; too much to comprehend
You love me so much Lord; that you have blessed my life
For my best friend is Jessica, my soul-mate and wife!

Acronyms

Journal 9/26/05

Today I was hoping to find some acronyms on some key words so I did a search online and found these. Most of these are good yet I have included some written by nonbelievers so we know what is out there.

Grace - God Redeems All Classes Everywhere
Grace - God's Righteousness At Christ's Expense
Sin - Self Inflicted Nonsense
Peace - People Expressing A Christ Everlasting
Prayer - Positive Reassuring Action Yielding Eternal Results
Grow - God Rewards Our Work
Gospel - God's Only Son Provides Eternal Life

Bible - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (Believer)
Bible - Blinded Information Based on Lack of Evidence (Non believer)
Bible - Big Idiotic Book of Lies & Errors (Non Believer)

Fear - False Emotions Appearing Real
Fear - Finding Excuses and Reasons
Fear - Forget Everything And Run

Life - Living in Faith Everyday

Faith - Facts Accepted in the Heart
Faith - Fantastic Adventures In Trusting Him
Faith - Foolish And Ignorant Theological Hogwash (Non Believer)
Faith - For Anything I Trust Him

ACTS - Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving, Supplication

Help - His Ever Loving Presence
Hell - Heated Environmental Living Lounge

WWJD - What would Jesus do
WWJD - We Want Jack Daniels


I totally disagree with the non believer acronyms, but I am not afraid to post them as I feel it's good to know what people are saying that reject the Lord.

Journal 9/23/05

It's Friday! I am so glad that today is a new day. I have failed so many times in my short life and I have a promise from my Father that says there is hope still for me. I read Lamentations 3 today and though the text had nothing to do with me or my life, I felt as if I were in the place that the prophet was in enotionally. This is where I have been since my son was born and yet the scripture gives me hope right around verse 23. And that excites me.

Lamentations 3

1 I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of His wrath.
2 He has led me and made me walk
In darkness and not in light.
3 Surely He has turned His hand against me
Time and time again throughout the day.

4 He has aged my flesh and my skin,
And broken my bones.
5 He has besieged me
And surrounded me with bitterness and woe.
6 He has set me in dark places
Like the dead of long ago.

7 He has hedged me in so that I cannot get out;
He has made my chain heavy.
8 Even when I cry and shout,
He shuts out my prayer.
9 He has blocked my ways with hewn stone;
He has made my paths crooked.

10 He has been to me a bear lying in wait,
Like a lion in ambush.
11 He has turned aside my ways and torn me in pieces;
He has made me desolate.
12 He has bent His bow
And set me up as a target for the arrow.

13 He has caused the arrows of His quiver
To pierce my *loins.
14 I have become the ridicule of all my people--
Their taunting song all the day.
15 He has filled me with bitterness,
He has made me drink wormwood.

16 He has also broken my teeth with gravel,
And covered me with ashes.
17 You have moved my soul far from peace;
I have forgotten prosperity.
18 And I said, "My strength and my hope
Have perished from the Lord."

19 Remember my affliction and roaming,
The wormwood and the gall.
20 My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
21 This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.

22 Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I hope in Him!"

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man to bear
The yoke in his youth.

28 Let him sit alone and keep silent,
Because God has laid it on him;
29 Let him put his mouth in the dust--
There may yet be hope.
30 Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him,
And be full of reproach.

31 For the Lord will not cast off forever.
32 Though He causes grief,
Yet He will show compassion
According to the multitude of His mercies.
33 For He does not afflict willingly,
Nor grieve the children of men.

Thank you Lord for loving me as you do. I look forward now to being changed from the inside out. Help me walk in a mannor that is worthy of the call that you have on my life. Help me to pursue you wholly with all of my heart.

Bill Scott, Sr.

Journal 9/16/05

My heart has had so many ups and downs that I have completely lost count. One minute I feel as if I am able to stand on top of the world and the next minute I feel as if I am in the darkest dirtiest place on the planet. My heart deceives me. My heart craves for unrighteousness and it does all that it can to convince me that unrighteousness is what I need. And too many times I give into my own temptations thinking that I will ultimately be satisfied. And the end result EVERY time is that I am not even close to satisfied. Why do I buy into the lies that my heart of wickedness proclaims?

I have had a good couple of days with the Lord. I am not claiming that I have my act together, that would be so far from the truth. But I have actually taken the time each morning and studied His word. I have taken out my commentaries and I have spent some long over due time with the Lord and in His word. It really is refreshing. I really desire to do this more often. I long to be a man who meditates and engages in intimate communion with the Master. I desire for the Lord to be my all in all yet most of the time I am so full of myself that there is no room for the Master to dwell.

I have been thinking about how in the Word of God we are told that we were bought at a price and no longer are our own. We belong to the Lord now. I belong to the Lord now. Which means a couple of things to me. Number one, I am no longer the one in charge. I have to surrender control of all the things that I struggle to control. For example (And this may sound stupid, but I struggle with this) I need to lose control of my family. I am not saying that I am to give up and not lead my family, but I need to be more flexible with them. I struggle with wanting things my way, like having thanksgiving in our home verses going out to eat on thanksgiving. It's a control thing and I need to let it go. As small as this sounds, it really is a huge battle for me to lose control in the slightest areas of my life. In the last 2 1/2 years, I have lost control over so many areas of my life and all I have done is fight it and try to regain control again. This is not what the Lord wants from me. He wants me to surrender control and to leave the outcome of whatever happens into His hands. And when this happens, there is a huge burden lifted off of my shoulders and joy sets in.

This brings me to point number two. My life is no longer my responsibility. God has claimed me as His own and now He is responsible for me. He is responsible and accountable to His word on my behalf. He promised that He would cleanse me and make me righteous and he has to fulfill this. He has promised to deliver me from all my sins and from the bondage of sin, and He has to fulfill this promise that He made. And you know what? He will. He is faithful and will keep his word. All I need to do is surrender to Him and He will work through my life. He will fully cleanse me, not just in the future but right now at this very moment. I just need to rest in Him.

Rest, hmmm, that is one thing that I have not had in a long time. I can't remember the last time that I simply rested in Jesus. I believe that it was before Tobias was born. Once I lost control of all that Tobias had to endure to survive, I have yet to rest. That is what I need. I need to rest in Him. I need to rest in the Master and trust that He will get me through this life of heart ache. A scripture comes to my mind for me and for my family. This scripture is what I feel my family and I need. The scripture is Philippians 3:12-16.

"12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
15 Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. 16 Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind."

So often I live in defeat because I simply wont forget my past with all it's failures. I live in defeat as I agonize over all my sins. Yet I am told to forget them and to press on. Just get back up again and keep walking. This is what I desire and this is what I hope the Lord will do in me. He has promised to do so, and I believe by faith that He will do it. I know that as I labor to press on, I will find rest for my soul. As much of an oxymoron as this sounds like, I know this is true. I must labor to enter into his rest. I must press on and endure; forgetting all that I have done in the past and I need to move forward in His grace. That is what I will do. By God's grace I will walk in victory, not just today, nor tomorrow, but from here on out.

Bill Scott' Sr.

An Interesting Article

FROM WND'S JERUSALEM BUREAU
Did God send Katrina
as judgment for Gaza?
Eerie parallels between forced evacuations spark speculation

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: September 7, 2005
1:00 a.m. Eastern

By Aaron Klein
© 2005 WorldNetDaily.com

JERUSALEM – While most religious authorities seem to agree one cannot discern the intentions of God, there has been talk in some circles here and on the Internet that the storm that turned parts of the Gulf Coast into a disaster zone, prompting hundreds of thousands to evacuate their homes and possibly causing upwards of 10,000 deaths, was thrust upon the U.S. for its support of the Gaza evacuation.

"Katrina is a consequence of the destruction of [Gaza's] Gush Katif [slate of Jewish communities] with America's urging and encouragement," Rabbi Avraham Shmuel Lewin, executive director of the Rabbinic Congress for Peace, told WND. "The U.S. should have discouraged Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon from implementing the Gaza evacuation rather than pushing for it and pressuring Israel into concessions."

Lewin is one of many rabbis in Israel and abroad who have been making similar statements both in private and in speeches to their congregations.

Rabbi Joseph Garlitzky, head of the international Chabad Lubavitch movement's Tel Aviv synagogue, recounted for WND a pulpit speech he gave this past Sabbath:

"We don't have prophets who can tell us exactly what are God's ways, but when we see something so enormous as Katrina, I would say [President] Bush and [Secretary of State Condoleezza] Rice need to make an accounting of their actions, because something was done wrong by America in a big way. And here there are many obvious connections between the storm and the Gaza evacuation, which came right on top of each other. No one has permission to take away one inch of the land of Israel from the Jewish people."

Abraham, the biblical father of the Jews, received this promise from God in the book of Genesis: "I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed."

One week before Katrina made landfall, Israel carried out the evacuation of 9,500 residents from Gush Katif and four Samaria communities. Residents were forced from their homes by Israeli troops, some dragged away kicking and screaming and placed on buses that took them from the area. The majority of former Katif residents are currently homeless while the Israeli government struggles to find permanent housing solutions.

The Gaza withdrawal was backed by the U.S. government. Some Middle East analysts and senior Israeli politicians entirely attributed the evacuation plan to pressure coming from the American establishment.

Gaza family stands on balcony awaiting forcible removal. (Photo: WND)

"I welcome the disengagement plan," stated Bush immediately following the announcement of the Gaza evacuation. "These steps will mark real progress toward realizing the vision I set forth in June 2002 of two states living side by side in peace and security."

Now, Garlitzky and many others here and on the Internet are pointing to what they call eerie similarities between Katrina and the evacuation of Gush Katif, including parallels in events, names and numbers:

Close to 10,000 Jews were expelled from their homes in the Gaza Strip and parts of northern Samaria. Katrina's death toll is now expected to reach at least 10,000.

America's population ratio to Israel is about 50:1. Ten thousand Jews who lost their Gaza homes is the equivalent of about 500,000 Americans who are now reported to be displaced as result of Katrina.

New Orleans residents bob in flood waters awaiting rescue. (Photo: Times-Picayune)

Gaza's Jewish communities were located in Israel's southern coastal region; America's southern coastal region now lies in ruins.

The U.S. government called on Louisiana residents to evacuate their homes ahead of the storm. The Israeli government, backed by statements from U.S. officials, demanded Gaza residents evacuate their homes.

Katrina, written in Hebrew, has a numerical equivalent of 374, according to a biblical numbering system upheld by all traditional Jewish authorities. Two relevant passages in the Torah share the exact numerical equivalent: "They have done you evil" (Gen. 50:17) and "The sea upon land" (Exodus 14:15).

Bush, from Texas, and Rice, from Alabama, were the most vocal U.S. backers of the Gaza evacuation. Hurricane Katrina hit the states in between Texas and Alabama – Louisiana and Mississippi.

Similarity in scenes: Many residents of Jewish Gaza climbed to their rooftops to escape the threat of expulsion, while residents of the Gulf Coast climbed on their own rooftops to protect themselves from the rising waters. Jewish Gaza homes described as beautiful and charming were demolished this week by Israel's military. Once beautiful homes in New Orleans now lie in ruins.

The day Katrina hit, Israel began carrying out what was termed the most controversial aspect of the Gaza withdrawal – the uprooting of bodies from the area's Jewish cemetery. There have been media reports of corpses floating around in flooded New Orleans regions.

Citizens of Israel were barred from entering Gush Katif; people were only allowed to leave Jewish Gaza. As Katrina was making landfall U.S. authorities barred citizens from entering the affected areas. People were only allowed out.

Gush Katif was an important agricultural area for Israel, providing the Jewish state with 70 percent of its produce. A New Orleans port that exported much of the Midwest's agricultural production was destroyed by Katrina.
The connections have caused a firestorm of speculation on Internet blogs and in chat rooms.

In a Jerusalem Newswire op-ed discussing the similarities just before Katrina made landfall, writer Stan Goodenough commented, "Is this some sort of bizarre coincidence? Not for those who believe in the God of the Bible and the immutability of His Word. What America is about to experience is the lifting of God's hand of protection, the implementation of His judgment on the nation most responsible for endangering the land and people of Israel.

"While the 'disengagement' plan was purportedly the brainchild of Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, the U.S. has for more than a decade been the chief sponsor and propeller of a diplomatic process that has dangerously weakened Israel in the face of an overwhelming, growing threat to annihilate her. ... Can't you see the link, America? Won't you see the link?"

Another Newswire piece quoted a Christian Louisiana resident in Katrina's direct path as stating, "[The hurricane is] a direct 'coming back on us' [for] what we did to Israel: a home for a home."

A blog on TheRaphi.com by Mideast pundits Paul Eidelberg and Israel Hanukoglu linking Katrina to the Gaza evacuation warned, "We urge the American people to remind their president that the evil the nations do to Israel always strikes them. Pharaoh, Haman, Hitler and all the leaders of nations that have opposed the will of God for His people have perished or ended on the ash heaps of history."

Billye Brim, a Christian prayer leader and founder of Billye Brim Ministries who had visited Gush Katif weeks before its evacuation, noted on her website: "Is there a connection between [Katrina and Gush Katif]? I believe so. Is this judgment? I believe so. And I must say it. Outright! Many won't like to hear it. Many won't agree. But I believe America is in danger and something has to be done. ... America needs to repent. From Bush, Rice and the State Department on down. America must repent for actively opposing God's plan for Israel as revealed in His Word."

WorldNetDaily the past week has received numerous letters from readers urging a Katrina-Gaza connection.

One letter stated, " I think you all are dancing around the real cause of the hurricane. Let me suggest to you that it is the wrath of God on our nation because President Bush pressured Sharon to take the homes from the Jews. ... I knew we would be punished on a large scale. I faxed letters and contacted Bush every way I could begging him not to go forward with that plan to evacuate Gaza but he did so anyway, and as a result we were hit in a week with a hurricane that will make history."

Perhaps the first to publicly connect Katrina to the Gaza evacuation was famed Israeli conspiracy theorist Barry Chamish, who sent a mass e-mail noting, "GUsh is like GUlf, and KATif is like KATrina. If you take 'KAT' from KATif and KATrina, you are left with 'IF' and 'RAIN.' If you support Gush Katif evacuation, it will rain."

Chamish told WND yesterday: "Simple human beings cannot fully understand what is going on, but the events certainly must be connected. It's statistically impossible to have two such great natural disasters like the recent tsunami in Asia and Katrina right after each other. This is the hand of God. He is saying something."

Jerusalem Kabbalist Rabbi David Batzri drew the parallel: "Divine retribution is meted out according to the principle of 'measure for measure,' just as the Jews were forced out of their homes as a result of U.S. pressure on Israel, so too are Americans being forced out of their homes."

But Rabbi Mordechai Greenwald, leader of a Jerusalem synagogue, said connections between the Gaza evacuation and Katrina should not be made.

"No rabbi can tell you why such a disaster struck," Greenwald told WND. "Doing so, making these statements, is dangerous and counterproductive. There have been debates the past 50 years for the reason of the Holocaust, and we still don't know what it was about. Some things we are not meant to know."

Greenwald said the religious leaders who publicly blame Katrina on U.S. support of the withdrawal "do not speak for the majority of rabbis. We cannot say who is being punished for what."

Meanwhile, some are urging the U.S. to ensure against what they say will be further damage in Gaza.

Lewin of the Congress for Peace told WND: "There are news reports that weather centers in the U.S. have predicted additional hurricanes on the way, some maybe even stronger than Katrina. Bush and Rice still have a chance to stem the tide of further punishment by at least pressing for Gaza not to be turned over to the Palestinians, which will allow terrorists to occupy the area that Israel evacuated. Although the damage of the destruction of Gush Katif was done, letting it serve as a terrorist base for al-Qaida and other anti-American and anti-Israeli groups will only bring more destruction and chaos in the region and the world over."

Those wishing to contribute to hurricane relief efforts can donate to the Salvation Army online or by calling 1-800-725-2769. Red Cross donations can be made online or by calling 1-800-435-7669.

Heartless Emotion

I have been told numerous times that I have no emotion. And the sad thing is that it’s true. I could care less most of the time about anything. When others suffer, I don’t even blink. When others are in need, no thought comes to my mind at all on how I could help them. I have disengaged my heart. I have put up walls that won’t allow me to suffer and yet those same walls that are there to protect me, they also blind me so that I cannot see others who are in need. How sad is that?

So in my warped reality, I see two options. I can either keep this heartless wall around me so that I don’t experience suffering again (This wall causes others to suffer as I am only blinded to their suffering by my choice), or I can ask Jesus to remove this wall that I have labored with all my might to put up. And if I ask Jesus to remove the fruit of my labor that will in turn expose my broken and wounded heart to the world and they will see who I really am; they will see how wounded I truly am and I don’t know if I can place myself there again. I don’t want to be put on display. I don’t want to have my heart displayed before the world as I don’t want to be vulnerable ever again. This is such a dilemma.

Yet at the same time if I do not allow myself to be vulnerable, then I am hurting the very ones that I love. Why is this so difficult? I hate feeling desperation. I hate losing control and if I let the Lord remove these walls, then I have lost all control. But the truth is that by putting this wall around my heart, I have already lost control. The only difference now is that I have not yielded control to my Savior, but to myself, and the fruit of this is isolation and callousness. What a mess! My heart is injured and I have put a wall up to protect myself from harm and that same wall prevents anyone from getting close enough to heal the wounds that terrorize my heart. The wall of protection prevents the Lord from healing me. It’s a wall of agony.

So now what do I do? I have this hard cold calloused wall around my heart and I have trapped myself within its walls. I have labored relentlessly over the past 2 ½ years to build this wall and now I suffer as I am so hard hearted.

I see my heart as a little plant that had the potential of growing into a tall fruitful tree that can shade many from the scorching sun. Yet all around this little plant (my heart) there are thorns hurting and choking it. And I feel the life being choked out of me from all the wounds inflicted upon me. So I logically build a wall to keep the thorns out. And once the wall was constructed and finished, it really did work. All the thorns that hurt me are gone. All the pain that came against me was no match for this invincible wall. Do you know why? Because the thorns of pain can’t penetrate this wall. Nothing can! And that is the problem. The sun can’t either nor the wind and so even though I am protected from the thorns; I am not able to blossom as there is no light in this dark and damp space. So instead of growing; I am shriveling up. This heart of mine that has the potential of growing into a tall tree is a little shrub that is so weak now that it couldn’t tear down the wall even if it wanted to. The lack of the sun has hurt this plant more than the thorns and now if it’s left to itself, this shrub will die.

So unless the Lord tears down this wall, I have no hope. I will not only remain calloused, but in the end this wall of protection will lead to my death. My heart will fail if the Lord of Glory doesn’t come to my aid. I am well aware that He can and I am sure that He will. I am just stating the fact that if I am left alone, I will die in a hard and calloused state.

The irony is that I built up a wall to protect me from suffering. And this very wall now causes more suffering than anything ever has as it isolates me and it slowly sucks the life out of me. What do I do? I am totally helpless now. I can cry out but my heart is in such a poor state that I don’t feel anymore. I have no strength to cry out. I have no desire to cry out as all my strength is spent on breathing alone. I lay here shriveled up and gasping for my next life’s breath and that is all that I do. That is all I can do. All emotion has been sucked out of me like water through a straw. I need the sun again. I need the SON again. There is nothing that can break down this wall, nothing but God Himself. Knowing about Him won’t remove this wall. Hearing about him won’t help, as this wall is sound proof and I am so weak that even if it wasn’t sound proof, I do not have the strength to hear. My leaves are all shriveled and I am left as a slouching lifeless stem. God alone is the only one who can help me now.


Please help me God! Don’t abandon me as I know you love me more than words could ever express. Please take these walls and crush them to dust. Please be my source of life once again. Please allow the Son to penetrate through the hardness of these walls and bring the warmth that this heart needs. I need the power of Jesus in my life again. But that isn’t enough. It’s not your power that I need, it’s YOU! I need you to remove this wall, and care for this shrub and nourish me back to health again. I need your hands to do the work. I need to feel your breath upon my lifeless heart as you prune and bring me back to life. Help me Lord to flourish as I simply yield my lifeless heart to You. Please help me!

Bill Scott, Sr.