Monday, April 30, 2007


Well, my wife and my son did the march of dimes on Saturday and the organization in Portland raised more that a million bucks. Again I want to say thank you for those who donated and for those who prayed. You all are so awesome.

Now I can get back to my normal journal.


Tuesday, April 24, 2007

From my wife

4 days left!

Dear Friends and Family,

This Saturday is the March of Dimes, WalkAmerica! Walkathon. Many of you have poured out your love, words of encouragement, and financial support as well. I am so grateful for everything. I am only $50 away from my goal, and was hoping to see if anyone else was interested in helping me raise support.

We have been unbelievably blessed, much to our amazement. These past few months have been extremely emotional for me, as I have been recalling the experience that we had to endure. As well as the joy that we feel now, as we gaze upon our miracle child. Unfortunately, every year millions of families aren’t able to experience the intense feeling of awe and wonder when watching their miracle baby. With your support we can work to change that. March of Dimes is about researching, finding ways to prevent premature births and babies born with birth defects and serious health issues. As I’ve said in previous updates, Premature Births are the #1 cause of death in newborns today. My goal, my mission is to help spare families of that sorrow.

If you haven’t yet, please read my son’s story. You can read about it here:

I implore you to find it in your heart, to donate to this amazing cause. It doesn’t need to be a grand amount of money. $1.00 if that’s all you can spare. Just know that you’ve helped a cause that is working to transforms lives around the world.

My personal donation page is: here:
Unfortunately, it’s too late in the game for me to accept anymore checks, as they wouldn’t get here in time. And for that I apologize. I can still take credit card, paypal, and debit card as a method of payment.I thank you, for your support. Both financially, and prayerfully. It’s with your help that we can a make a difference in the world.


Jessica Scott.

Friday, April 20, 2007

You are worth it Jesus, You really are!!!

Sometimes my life doesn’t make sense at all. Sometimes the mountains seem so overwhelming and so big compared to my little, tiny, insignificant faith. The darkness seems to consume me as the blisters on my sin-stained soul over power my faith and cause me to weep in bitter lament and agony.

I wake up in the middle of the night in the darkest of darkness only to realize that it is not night at all, it is noontime and yet the walls around me are so dark that I confuse the darkness that I am in, that is imbedded in my heart with the darkness of night. It is in these times that I call out to You Jesus. Jesus, please come to me, Your child. I need Your hands of mercy and Your heart of pity to embrace my calloused and scarred heart. Please hold me and help me to embrace Your nail scarred hands of mercy.

I feel like a leaf that is circling in the wind as it is blown from one place to another; tossed to and fro. I tremble in weakness and solitude; trembling as I fumble in the darkness that consumes me. I am bitterly cold as the chill in my heart grips me and causes me to feel all alone. Yet You are with me. And though I can’t see clearly at all, I cry out in passion to the One who loves me. And You bid me to come. You bid me to lay aside the weights; to lay them down; to surrender them once and for all.

But surrender isn’t natural for me. I tend to fight for what I don’t really want and would rather carry this weight than embrace what You have given me freely; and what I desperately need. I have beaten my head against so many walls in my life that I have fallen to the floor on my knees weeping and crying as I beg You Jesus to simply hold me and to free me from this weight that snares me.

And in Your faithfulness, You do embrace me. And You do hold me. And as I sit here in Your presence, unbeknownst to me, You remove the weights that have weighed me down. And You have replaced them with wings. My labor is no more. I can fly under the power of the wind beneath my wings; Your Spirit is that wind. And now I can run the race yet I do not need to run, I get to soar under the power of the Holy Spirit as He takes me to places that are higher than life.

Oh Praise be to the Lord who has taken the weights off and empowered me to no longer be tossed to and fro in the whirlwind but rather He has given me the ability to use the winds of life as a tool to simply fly higher and higher as I go deeper and deeper into His presence. I thank You Jesus for the life that You have given me. You are worth it all. All the sweat, the toil, the labor, is worth it if only to get a little glimpse of you. You are worth it. And though I may only get a taste here and a glimpse of You there, once this race is over, I will get to see You in all Your glory!

Oh how I long for that day!

Journal 4/20/07

So many times we lose sight of the big picture. I am so guilty of being a man who gets lost in the details and I completely lose sight of the goal. Am I in the race to win? Or am I just running in circles? Am I running at all? The Apostle Paul said that he had finished his race and how I want to be a man who can say those very words as well. I desire to finish the race that the Lord has set before me.

Too often I get distracted by other things that I forget that I am in a race. I want to run in a way that causes me to soar. I have been contemplating life these last couple of days. We really have no idea when our time will be up. Today could be the last day we have on this planet. We may only have one more hour to live. We simply do not know. And how I want to be right with my Creator and how I want to be found doing what is right when my number is up and it is time for me to leave my pilgrimage and head home.

One of the last words of one of the victims sent in an email before she died in the Virginia Tech Massacre was:

Don’t let the wind blow you away…..

These words haunt me. Am I being blown away by the whirlwind? Am I like chaff that the wind blows away. Am I like a flower that springs up but has no root and when the sun comes out it scorches me and I am blown away by the wind? Or will I be a man who trusts in the Lord and OBEYS him even in the midst of adversity? Will the wind blow me away? The wind blew 32 people away at Virginia Tech. They did not know that their number was up. One knew, that horrible wicked man who took the lives of these people. But the other 32 did not wake up knowing that they only had a few hours left on this side of eternity.

Perspective. I wonder what they would have done differently if they knew they only had moments left until their journey was over. Because who knows, your journey or mine could end at any moment. What would you do differently if you were to die in 1 hour? May I challenge you to do those very things. Do the things that matter. It has been said that if it doesn’t matter 1000 years from now then it doesn’t matter at all. That is so true. That is looking at the big picture. If it wont matter in eternity then it doesn’t matter.

Are you distracted? I am. Are you running the race? If not let’s join hands and run together. We only have one shot in this life and then its over. Run, Run, RUN the race! Don’t just run the race to get to the finish line, but run to win the race!

Don’t let the wind blow you away…..

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Journal 4/19/07

What can I say? I am actually surprised at how I am feeling with the shooting. I always joke with my wife and tell her that I am a guy, I only have one feeling and it is usually hunger. Yet my heart is so broken for the tragedy that took place at Virgina Tech.

My prayer is that the Lord would be glorified in the midst of this and that we as people especially Americans would see the frailty of life and the importance of surrendering our lives to the Lord Jesus Christ. I am angry, and heart broken. I am reminded of a scripture in Proverbs.

Proverbs 29:16
When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increases; But the righteous will see their fall.

Psalm 37:

1 A Psalm of David. Do not fret because of evildoers, Nor be envious of the workers of iniquity. 2 For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, And wither as the green herb. 3 Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. 6 He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday.

7 Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass. 8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret--it only causes harm. 9 For evildoers shall be cut off; But those who wait on the Lord, They shall inherit the earth. 10 For yet a little while and the wicked shall be no more; Indeed, you will look carefully for his place, But it shall be no more. 11 But the meek shall inherit the earth, And shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace. 12 The wicked plots against the just, And gnashes at him with his teeth. 13 The Lord laughs at him, For He sees that his day is coming. 14 The wicked have drawn the sword And have bent their bow, To cast down the poor and needy, To slay those who are of upright conduct. 15 Their sword shall enter their own heart, And their bows shall be broken. 16 A little that a righteous man has Is better than the riches of many wicked. 17 For the arms of the wicked shall be broken, But the Lord upholds the righteous. 18 The Lord knows the days of the upright, And their inheritance shall be forever. 19 They shall not be ashamed in the evil time, And in the days of famine they shall be satisfied. 20 But the wicked shall perish; And the enemies of the Lord, Like the splendor of the meadows, shall vanish. Into smoke they shall vanish away.

21 The wicked borrows and does not repay, But the righteous shows mercy and gives. 22 For those blessed by Him shall inherit the earth, But those cursed by Him shall be cut off. 23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand. 25 I have been young, and now am old; Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread. 26 He is ever merciful, and lends; And his descendants are blessed. 27 Depart from evil, and do good; And dwell forevermore. 28 For the Lord loves justice, And does not forsake His saints; They are preserved forever, But the descendants of the wicked shall be cut off. 29 The righteous shall inherit the land, And dwell in it forever. 30 The mouth of the righteous speaks wisdom, And his tongue talks of justice. 31 The law of his God is in his heart; None of his steps shall slide. 32 The wicked watches the righteous, And seeks to slay him. 33 The Lord will not leave him in his hand, Nor condemn him when he is judged.

34 Wait on the Lord, And keep His way, And He shall exalt you to inherit the land; When the wicked are cut off, you shall see it. 35 I have seen the wicked in great power, And spreading himself like a native green tree. 36 Yet he passed away, and behold, he was no more; Indeed I sought him, but he could not be found. 37 Mark the blameless man, and observe the upright; For the future of that man is peace. 38 But the transgressors shall be destroyed together; The future of the wicked shall be cut off. 39 But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in the time of trouble. 40 And the Lord shall help them and deliver them; He shall deliver them from the wicked, And save them, Because they trust in Him.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Journal 4/17/07

With the Virginia Tech Massacre on the front pages of the news I wanted to stop for a moment and ponder this horrible tragedy. When things like this happen and lives are cut short it really breaks my heart knowing that God's orginal creation was not meant to be this way. Sin is so devistating as we all can see from the front pages of the newspapers. How I can't wait until the day that the curse will be reversed and sin is finally judged once and for all.

And yet as I say this in my heart I look inside and see my sin and then fear grips me as I don't want to stand before the Lord and give an account for all the things that I have done wrong. My heart is going in every direction right now. I know that Jesus has redeemed me, yet my emotions are still all over the place.

As I go back to thinking about Adam and Eve in the Garden, when they blew it they had no idea what the result would be. There son was a murderer. He killed his own brother. And that tragedy, that same sin has gone on all through the ages where it culminates in today's headlines that 32 were slain and another took his own life.

What this does to me is it causes me to see the urgency of telling people about Jesus. The reality is that all 33 of those people are in eternity. I do not know who were or were not Christians out of that group, but all of them are in eternity and that could be a blessing or it could be a scary thing. I wonder how many of them woke up that morning thinking that they would be in eternity that day? Probably not many of them. Probably none of them. And yet reality hits and there they are in eternity. They are either with the Lord or they are in hell. My prayer is that they are with the Lord.


Teach me to number my days. I don't know how much time I have left or how much time my friends and family have left. Please use me for your glory. Help me to get the good news out that you made a way for people to not go to hell. Time is short and we do not have much time left. Please use me as a light for your glory.

Please bring comfort to the families that have suffered this horrible tragedy. Please use this nightmare to cause those who don't know you to think about eternity and to get right with their Creator, You. In Jesus name I pray....



So I took some night time meds for allergies by mistake instead of the day time ones.....and man am I sleepy yet I am at work and have to endure. If you get a moment, please pray. I can barely breath as my nose is so plugged and I am very tired.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Journal 4/13/07


Please do a work in your people around the world. Cause us to hunger and thirst for you in ways that we never have before. Please let your holy fire fall down upon us as you ignite our passion. Use us to reach the lost, and use me Jesus to teach and bring others into your wonderful presence.

You are so holy, and pure and I am grateful that you love me. Wow.

What are you and I going to do in heaven? We will do what Adam did in the Garden of Eden. We will walk with God in the cool of the day. When we understand the bible, it is awesome what is going to happen.

In the 1st few chapters of the book of Genesis we see the creation of man and the fellowship that man had with God. We also see the fall of man. In the last chapter of the bible; chapter 22 of the book of Revelation it shows us a picture of a city which is the heavenly Jerusalem.

There is a river coming from the throne God. It shows us a place that we know as paradise. There it has the tree of life that you and I will eat from. Do you remember that tree of life that was in the Garden of Eden? When man fell, and God placed angels in front of this tree of Life to guard it so that no one could eat of it. Why?

Because in God’s mercy he did not want fallen man to live forever in their wicked and sinful bodies. So he is going to glorify you and I and then we will again have access to that tree of life. And it says in Revelation that the curse will be lifted. The curse will be reversed.

It takes the ENTIRE bible to lay down God’s plan of redemption. When you understand and can see the whole picture, it is so exciting that God is going to one day really walk with you and I. Oh I can't wait.

Come Lord Jesus!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Journal 4/11/07

My whole life I place in Your hands, God of Mercy I cry out and plead for your unfailing, never changing mercy to be poured onto my life as I humbly I bow down in Your presence. Every time I call out to You, You answer, and You come to my rescue which causes me to desire to be where You are. Be lifted high in my life, in my world, and in my soul. There is no one else for me but You Jesus because You died for me and now I live to bring You praise. All my hope is in You alone.

I need to be more consistent in my walk with You. Will You help me to walk in holiness on a regular basis? It is so easy for me to play the part but to actually live out the life that You desire me to live is a whole different story and I utterly fail. I fall miserably short.

I hate the fact that at the end of the day I stand as a fallen rebellious soul who is simply hopeless. And I have no excuse Jesus, I am unclean and that reality hits me deeply. I am so tired of making empty promises to You that I simply fail to commit myself to. What can I say? I stand here without excuse. And that is why I am coming to You Jesus. You say that I can come boldly with confidence into Your throne room to find grace in my time of need and I need Your grace. I need Your forgiveness and I need to meet with You.

I stand here, with my arms stretched out pleading for mercy. I abandon my heart as I embrace Your grace. I surrender myself once again to You as I stand here in total awe that You gave all of You for me. All I have and all that I am belongs to You now. You are the Master and I am the servant and I like it that way. Help me to serve in Your courts all the days of my life Jesus.

I love You… Jesus name I pray…..Amen

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Journal 4/10/07

What will we do when the music stops? Will we still have that spring in our step or will we simply go to the side lines and stop dancing? When the scriptures tell us to make melodies in our hearts; can we do that when the music is not there? What will we do? Will we be those kind of Christians who live off the past work of the Lord? Will we only reminisce of the good times when the dance floor was full of life? Will we live in that place where we don’t move forward but stay in that place where we think about the past as we try to live our current life off the times of the past?

I think of the stars in heaven. You look at those stars and you say, “Wow that is a beautifully bright and shining star!” But most of us know that when we look at a star, we are not seeing the light of the star that was shining that day. The light that we are seeing could take 5 years to reach the earth.

That means that when we look at the brightness of a star and see that is it shining brightly, it could have already died. We are only seeing the light that it once had. One day we will see ultimately that it is dead but that will take some time.

I wonder how many of our walks with the Lord are built on and are living in the past. What a word for us right now. What a word for me! Are we living in our past experiences with God? Are we saying that was a great work of God? It certainly was. But what is going on today? Is our walk with the Lord like that star that is shining but is really already dead? Is it just the light of the past that we are living on that will ultimately fizzle out? Where are we at with the Lord? For me; I have been living in past glory. I have not been living on the current fresh living word of God and I fear that if I remain in this place that the light may fizzle out if it is not already dead.

The solution: Repent. That is all that I need to do. I simply need to repent and turn to the Lord. I no longer need to live in past glory but in new fresh living glory. God is so good and I am so grateful that he loves me the way in which he does. There is such a beautiful simplicity when it comes to Jesus. He really makes it easy for us to simply sit with him.

The Lord desires to do a new work in all of our lives, but we must move forward. We have to leave the dance floor of the past and move on. We MUST move forward…..will we? What will you do? We must leave the elementary things of the past and move on to the finer dances of life. The dances now can be way more intimate than ever before, as the Lord desires to take us from the fast dances of childish faith to the finer slower, intimate dances where he takes our hand and leads us in the most intricate and interwoven steps where we become one with him.

What will we do when the music stops? I don’t know about you, but I am going to get ready for the next dance… I wait for the Lord of the Dance.

Monday, April 09, 2007


So the worship pastor of my church (Calvary Chapel Portland) called me and asked me to record one of my worship songs on their next CD. Talk about cool! that is so exciting. Please pray for me that the Lord would bless the recording. I think I will start recording this Saturday....

Also, I have new recording software and am in the process of recording my own CD. I need prayer as I have 18 original songs and I need to figure out which ones to put onto the CD. I also need prayer as I have never recorded a CD before and I am doing it all from my computer so if you could lift that up, that would be a blessing.

And lastly, I wrote a novel and I am wanting to get it published yet am clueless as to where to place it or what to do with it. So please pray for me with this as well. Thank you all very much.


Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Journal 4/3/07

I love Spring! What a wonderful season as the winds of change start breathing new life into the air. The winter chill is slowly dissipating as those things that appeared dead and dormant spring back to life.

What a picture of my spiritual life. So many times I am dead or dormant in my walk with the Lord and then all of a sudden the seasons change spiritually and the Lord breathes fresh new life into my weary and apathetic soul. And when those times do come I am able to see Jesus in a whole new light, as he becomes fresh or is it that he refreshes me because he is so refreshing!

But do not be deceived; spring has not yet come for me spiritually, I am still in the dead of winter and though I may not be refreshed now, I do hope for new hop in my step spiritually real soon. The Lord simply is too caring to leave me here in this place of hibernation for too long. He will come for me and when he does, all I can say is wow.

The Lord is returning and though the weight of this life is crushing at times, what a ride it will be when Jesus returns for his bride. I can’t wait……well, I have to wait, but boy do I look forward to that wonderful day! Come Lord Jesus Come!