Sometimes my life doesn’t make sense at all. Sometimes the mountains seem so overwhelming and so big compared to my little, tiny, insignificant faith. The darkness seems to consume me as the blisters on my sin-stained soul over power my faith and cause me to weep in bitter lament and agony.
I wake up in the middle of the night in the darkest of darkness only to realize that it is not night at all, it is noontime and yet the walls around me are so dark that I confuse the darkness that I am in, that is imbedded in my heart with the darkness of night. It is in these times that I call out to You Jesus. Jesus, please come to me, Your child. I need Your hands of mercy and Your heart of pity to embrace my calloused and scarred heart. Please hold me and help me to embrace Your nail scarred hands of mercy.
I feel like a leaf that is circling in the wind as it is blown from one place to another; tossed to and fro. I tremble in weakness and solitude; trembling as I fumble in the darkness that consumes me. I am bitterly cold as the chill in my heart grips me and causes me to feel all alone. Yet You are with me. And though I can’t see clearly at all, I cry out in passion to the One who loves me. And You bid me to come. You bid me to lay aside the weights; to lay them down; to surrender them once and for all.
But surrender isn’t natural for me. I tend to fight for what I don’t really want and would rather carry this weight than embrace what You have given me freely; and what I desperately need. I have beaten my head against so many walls in my life that I have fallen to the floor on my knees weeping and crying as I beg You Jesus to simply hold me and to free me from this weight that snares me.
And in Your faithfulness, You do embrace me. And You do hold me. And as I sit here in Your presence, unbeknownst to me, You remove the weights that have weighed me down. And You have replaced them with wings. My labor is no more. I can fly under the power of the wind beneath my wings; Your Spirit is that wind. And now I can run the race yet I do not need to run, I get to soar under the power of the Holy Spirit as He takes me to places that are higher than life.
Oh Praise be to the Lord who has taken the weights off and empowered me to no longer be tossed to and fro in the whirlwind but rather He has given me the ability to use the winds of life as a tool to simply fly higher and higher as I go deeper and deeper into His presence. I thank You Jesus for the life that You have given me. You are worth it all. All the sweat, the toil, the labor, is worth it if only to get a little glimpse of you. You are worth it. And though I may only get a taste here and a glimpse of You there, once this race is over, I will get to see You in all Your glory!
Oh how I long for that day!
