Journal 8/30/08

One thing that is constant is the fact that things always change. Apart from God Himself and eternity, everything changes. Nothing last forever in this world and it would be wise of us if we simply took a second and just enjoyed the blessings that we have been given before the time comes and those blessings are gone. Because here is a truth.....it won't last. Friends come and go, people die, relationships end, people move away or commit to other things. Kids grow up and move out, and when all is said and done, what's left? If we do not value those moments, those tiny glimpses when we have those we love around us, then we have missed out on some of the most wonderful times we could ever have. So hear the words of wisdom from a broken man……cherish those who are in your life. Enjoy them, love them so that when the time comes and they are no longer in your life you can fall back and cherish those times that you both walked this earth hand in hand.

Journal 8/25/08

What can I say? Things are chaotic and I am overwhelmed in ways I never dreamed possible. The tides of despair from this monstrous storm have crashed upon my tear stained face and I can no longer stand. I am an utter mess. I am unable to comprehend the depths of this tragedy that plagues my soul. What a mess. What a disaster! What a horrific nightmare that grabs me at my throat and tries to strangle the life out of me. I can’t breathe. I need to catch my breath yet these toxic fumes of hell surround me and I have no place to retreat to. I am hopeless.

Journal 8-6-08

So its been awhile since i have been here. Life has taken its toll on me and I am no longer able to collect my thoughts in a way which allows me to pour out my heart on paper in the ways that i so desire. I am sure if I tried, then it would not be all that difficult to do so, but i have lost my desire to write. I am sure it will come back one day, its here today, it may say, who knows, but life is just too difficult at the moment to put any thought into anything at all. So I sit back and live in apathy to numb the torment and the raging wars that go on inside of me.



Its a season of dread, regret, uncertainty, confusion and torment. Yet here I am, treading in this nightmare, alone in the true sense of the word. I actually prefer being alone this way for when I am alone the demons can haunt me all they want and no one will notice, no one will care, no one will make fun of me and no one will abhor and detest me. So alone I will be, its liberating to me. I am free. There is a joy and in taking my burdens alone to Jesus. He hears me even when I cant speak. I love you Jesus. You know me inside and out and You have chosen me. You are devoted to me no matter what. I am so beyond blessed to have You in my life Lord.



So though I am alone, I really am not. I have never been in a worse and better place at the same time. Its interesting to me. I love you Jesus.