Okay

Okay!
I’m told it’s not okay to be lonely; it’s not okay to be stressed.
It’s not okay to have worries; it’s not okay to be depressed.
It’s not okay to be angry; it’s not okay to have fear.
It’s not okay to have your feelings; it’s not okay, do you hear?

It’s not okay to be hungry; it’s not okay not to eat.
It’s not okay to think too much; it’s not okay for you to grieve.
It’s not okay for you to mess up; it’s not okay for you not to pray.
It’s not okay to weep and wail; it’s simply not okay.

All I hear from you all the time; is how what I feel is not okay.
I’m told I’m always to be happy; if I’m not I’m spiritually decayed.
It’s not okay for me to be wounded; it’s not okay for me to hurt.
It’s not okay for me to hate death; and not okay to feel like dirt.

The things you think I’m doing wrong; to you is not ideal.
You’re telling me to be less human; telling me not to be real.
And if I do just as you say; then I’ll be just like you.
Yet even you don’t do as you say; now what do I do?

I think I want to sob and grieve; I think I want to stress.
I can do this and be a Christian; does not mean I’m oppressed.
Its okay for me to sorrow; its okay for me to cry.
It’s okay if it takes years; to heal when someone dies.

So now I sit here dazed, confused; my mouth dropped open wide
No matter what I say or do, to you, Christ I deny
So as I sit before the Lord; with nothing much to say.
He says my son, don’t you worry; to Me, you are okay!

Quote of the Day

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

Journal 4/11/10

What a week. I had the love of my life here with me. We spent a few days with the kids then we went to Seattle and then onto Canada. I have never in all my life been so radically in love in the way that I am now. I feel all giddy inside. And yet when my love had to fly back to California today, the air got so thick that I could hardly breathe. I miss her so much and yet its only been a few hours. I am hopeful though, as I know our circumstances of being apart are only on a temporary basis.

I love you Sarah, you have captured my heart in ways that even surprise me. I can't wait until our home is in fact that, Our Home, Together.

In the meantime, I will do my best not to be sad and cry, so far so good, well at least in the crying part, I am sorta sad, but I know its just a short-term thing.

On a side note, when crossing the border to get into Canada, Sarah and I had asked if we could get our passports stamped and the guy was like super friendly and said to go inside and hand the other guy this paper that he gave us and that they would stamp it. we were so excited. but when we got inside, OMG, the guy was so freakin rude and mean and he interrogated us, and searched us and questioned us and searched our car. He was mean. And after keeping us there like we were some guilty terrorist, he finally let us go and refused to stamp our passports. That was the only downside to this last week and yet even in the midst of it, my Sarah was able to keep me calm and at peace. I love how she does that.