Just the facts please!

I wanted to write what I feel is on my heart
But I struggle with just what I’m feeling
For what is inside me is buried so deep
And I fear what my heart is revealing

I’m told not to give up and to trust in the Lord
That my pain will one day flee me squealing
And maybe that’s true, but that still doesn’t change
The fact that my heart still needs a healing

It wasn’t supposed to be this way at all
This was not God’s original design
Suffering entered in when man decided to fall
This did not come from the Lord God Divine

The question is asked why would God allow this
If he loves us why does this go on?
I’m told God’s a tyrant and cannot be trusted
And my faith in him is frowned upon

So hearing both sides and living in the fire
Does not change the truth one bit at all
For whether I suffer or live without pain
My God loves me and I can stand tall.

If my son were to fall down and hit his head hard
Would that mean that I hate his guts badly?
The argument made that God doesn’t care
I will refute and I will stand against gladly.

God loves me; that’s true, and I suffer inside
But the fact remains clear about Jesus
He suffered as well, when man originally fell
But he loves me and in him I trust.

So take your ideas, and your blasphemous heart
And don’t use them against me when I’m down
My heart may be in pain, but one truth will remain
God loves me whether I’m up or down.
Bill Scott, Sr.

Journal 7/6/05

Father,
You are so holy and just. You are merciful and loving. Please forgive me Father for being flesh. I need your mercy this morning and since your mercy is new every morning and it's morning somewhere all the time, please extend your mercy to me. Help me to be more loving and more of a servant. I am so selfish and desire to be more like you Jesus. Please forgive me for my apathy and sinfulness. I have ;ost sight of who you are and who I am in you. I have forgotten of all the wonderful things you have done in my life. Please forgive me. I want to serve you wholeheartedly. Wll you lead me in this my lord? Please walk with me today. Help me to stand for righteousness and to not alter before nonbelevers. Help me to have integrity before you Lord. I am so sorry for not being faithful to your word. Help me to have my times of devotion with you and my family. I really need to lead my wife and kids and I haven't; please forgive me and help me to move forward and lead them.
Amen

My Pain 7/6/05

There once was a time when all was lost
As my son almost died; and my world was tossed
And though years have gone and some time has passed
My tears are still here as my life is still thrashed

So I moved away to fight off my pain
But my heart came with me along with the pain
And though my son's fine and is alive today
My soul, it still weeps; as it did on that day

So now I am lost in a world that I hate
As my emotions hurt my soul and I deal with my fate
Will I ever heal? It's unlikely; oh well
Until then I will weep; as I live in my hell.