If today was my day to die, what legacy would I leave behind? Would I have lived to honor the Lord or would I have dragged his name through the mud? Will my kids know who Jesus is? Will they be known by Him as His? Will they see me as a man who loves God and will they desire to walk my path? Or have I lead them away from Jesus as I trod down the path of wrath and self destruction?
I have seen what lurks within me and it is the worst of all blackness. I am a man in need of a Savior. The demons call out to me by name and entice me daily. How many times will I listen to them and bite the bait that they offer?
Oh God, I worship you for you are the Holy One of Israel and I am in need of you so desperately. I feel cut off. I feel hell bound and yet, I refuse to obey my feelings for they deceive me time and time again. And though I feel like I have lost my place in your kingdom, you have declared that I have a place and that you love me. Thank you Jesus because it is so tough to walk when my feelings purposely lie to me about you and your greatness.
So back to my thought. If I were to die today, I want every moment from here on out to be lived in total surrender and abandonment to Jesus. He is the only one that matters. He is enough and he alone is all I need. I want to know the Lord in a deeper way. I want to know the thoughts of my Lord and I want to live as his redeemed one in every moment and in all circumstances.
How I pray that my children come to know the Lord. Oh God is so good. His mercies are new every morning and it is always morning somewhere in the world. And I will put on these tender mercies as I want to be more like Jesus.
I want my life to reflect his purity, yet it hasn’t. I want my life to reflect his greatness, yet again, all I have reflected is me. And there is nothing pure or great about me in and of myself.
Jesus, I again come to you in worship and surrender. I want you to be my everything. I want to love you more than I love food, water, air or sleep. I want you to my only passion in life. I want to be so consumed by you that nothing else matters in comparison.
My heart is broken Jesus. I pray for a healing yet at the same time, I need a time of brokenness because these are the sweetest times for me spiritually as I really do learn to trust in you.
Please use me to advance your saving gospel and help me to bring everyone I come into contact with to you. I want to live out the rest of my days, bringing saints and non believers into your presence so that they can see you in all your glory. Please anoint me and sanctify my by your Spirit whom I have grieved far too many times. Please grow me in grace and compassion and help me to follow you with my whole heart, never looking back…..I want to run this race with endurance. Help me to endure and to remain focused on you. I love you Jesus, not as I ought to, but I still do love you. Help me to love you the way that you desire. Please restore me and pour out your Spirit upon me.
On the merits of Jesus alone I ask you to do this Father, Amen.
Bill
