So it has been a challenging couple of weeks as I try to determine the Lords will with music and balancing my dream with reality and then balancing making hard decisions without trying to hurt those that I love. The decision has been made, yet my heart breaks with those who are hurt by the outcome or the process in which all this came about. My heart is desperately wicked, and yet the Lords heart in me desires to see all those in my immediate circle to trust Him and to come to Him for healing. All I can do is mess things up at best. Yet the Lord in His incredible grace has the tools needed to restore and heal all of us who are hurting, who are bleeding and feel left for dead on the wayside.
I am so bummed that you are hurt. I am so saddened to see you sit on the sidelines and suffer knowing that I am part of the reason why your are feeling so insecure and confused. I am the reason why your world is turned upside down. I do wish that I would not have received your blessing before you were ready to give it, I don't say this in a malicious way, but because you bring me so much joy, and happiness and when I see you struggle, it really breaks my heart. I may not have alot of emotion on the outside, but I do on the inside and you mean so much to me. I want to see you work through this and get to the other side but I don’t want to see you struggle. Yet I cant have you reach the other side until you struggle through this; and that is such a torture to see.
Father,
Please bring clarity and healing and forgiveness. Please restore fellowship where it is hindered and broken. Please remove the enemy from this and remove his influence and let all of us see with total clarity You in all Your glory. You are what everything is about. You and your love for people who deserve nothing but judgment and condemnation. Yet you love the scum of the earth and you seek to save them before its too late. Please give us all Your heart, Your passion, and Your vision. In Jesus name and on His merits I ask these things….So be it!
