Monday, December 27, 2010


It's quiet in my house, I am not used to it. It makes things eerie to me. I don't like the quietness, I mean I do, its a nice break from all the hectic-ness that I experience on a daily basis, but I am really not used to this quietness and I do not know how to handle it. It makes me feel weird.

Today was uneventful but it feels as if there is a calm before the storm and it has me feeling uneasy and unsure of things. I hate feeling those feelings that you can't really figure out, "Sigh"!

My mom is amazing. I never thought I would be able to say that, yet I can say that with all integrity. She loves me and supports me. She really is an awesome person and I am grateful that I have the kind of relationship that I do have with her. It's just nice not having to put up any sort of front with her. I can just be me and she loves me as I am, not as I should be, "who decides that anyways?" People have all these expectations of who others should or should not be, but my mom, she just loves me as I am, no matter what that looks like. It's nice! :)

The kids are away for a week. I still find it so interesting to look at how fast my relationship with their grandparents has deteriorated. For the longest time I considered them my parents. I really respected and cherished them. I just never realized how much things would change. I thought the bonds we had were bonds that would last a life time, how I was wrong. Everything is so superficial these days. and they never had the bonds with me that I thought they had. When they do have the courage to come over to get the kids, they seriously rush so fast to get out of my presence, its sorta humorous, yet its really heart breaking. :( They are so uncomfortable around me. I wont bite, "deep breath" I am just sad I guess.

At least my mom loves me. She is one of the few people in my life that hasn't turned against me. I love my mom.