Father,
It seems like I fail you a million times a day on a good day; yet your mercy remains steadfast towards me. Should I fail again only to cause you more shame? Of course not, so then why do I? Do I really desire your will above all else? Somewhere lost in my head I again would say yes I do desire your will above all else, but my actions say otherwise. And my actions scream that my will is what I am after and not yours. Who am I fooling anyways? I am not fooling you Jesus; that is for sure. I hate the power that my flesh has over me. I hate that fact that I listen to my flesh and obey it without question or hesitation. I obey my flesh of my own free will and I choose to obey it instead of you. I HATE IT!!!!
I wish I would be lost and consumed in worshipping you. I wish I would be lost in praising your name. I don’t know what it is, pride maybe? But whatever it is the stench of my flesh hinders me. I am hindered in totally abandoning myself in your presence. I desire to give you control of my heart, my soul, my being. I want to embrace your righteousness and love you from the depths of my being. Why wont I wrestle my flesh to the ground? Consume me Jesus! Consume my every fiber. Take me and make me one with you. Please God, do a work in my hard heart of calloused stone.
Lord of Glory, you are eternal and your light shines ever so brightly. Your light exposes my sin and shame yet it also restores and cleanses me in the depths of my heart. I want to be clean permanently. I know that I am clean postionally in your sight, but I want to experience cleanliness practically. I want to be right where you are at all times. I long for heaven yet I fear I make my bed in hell.
Please forgive me Jesus for grieving your Spirit. Please forgive me for hindering the work of the spirit. Please have mercy on me and help me to walk in repentance all the days of my life. Please hold me Jesus and never let me go. I am so grateful that salvation is a work of grace because if it were not I would be doomed to hell forever. I am so grateful that your word declares that you will never ever forsake me. You will never ever leave me. Oh how I cling to those words. Thank you Lord.
You are so holy Lord God Almighty. You are what I long for when deception has finally fled my eyes and I see reality. My life is a mess and is utterly meaningless without your daily presence. I am a mess. I miss seeing you work in my life and I miss seeing you move among your people. I miss the days of old where I saw and experienced you so clearly and intimately. I miss talking to people who are totally consumed with you and only talk about your goodness; nothing else. I miss being around a people who were consumed by your spirit. I miss being consumed by your spirit. I miss you Jesus. I miss the passion that I had and I want to recapture it and remain in that special place where we are together. So please help me to get there and stay there. Help me to do the former things that helped me to walk closely to you.
Life is full of distractions. Help me to make every sing distraction and attraction to you.
Bill
