Saturday, February 26, 2011


It’s cold right now. I am sitting here in my living room trying to get the heat to do what it does best, keep me warm, and I am sure that once the heater is on for more than 30 seconds it will warm up my living room. It’s so funny how the littlest things get me thinking. For example: the cold. It got me thinking of how certain relationships I have had that I received so much warmth from, ones I cherished and valued and really sacrificially gave myself to, I am reminded at how easily they turned cold. These relationships brought me so much comfort and I valued them so highly, and now the only time that there is any sign of life is when it’s so heated that it scorches me to my core. It is so difficult to believe that these relationships are no more. They did not make it past the storms in my life.

And it hurts. It hurts for a very long time. Healing doesn’t come overnight, it takes years and years before the wounds stop bleeding and the pain subsides. It is a very long, difficult and lonely road before you heal.

One thing that does help is after you bear your soul to someone and they reject you, after you go through that loss; when you do find the courage to share who you are with someone else and they not only accept you but embrace who you are and love you as you are, it really gives you a glimmer of hope. But it’s so much more than that. When those people in my life, whether friends or family or even acquaintances, simply stepped up to the plate and embraced me, I felt a love that is so much deeper than the love that I lost. And gratitude, appreciation, and a form of love emanates from deep within me which naturally makes my relationships with these people so much closer, deeper and real. A confidence begins to swell up from deep inside, like a seed planted and starting to sprout. Hope.

It feels as if all the tears that I have been shedding over the loss I have experienced, those same tears were watering the seeds of hope that are slowly sprouting. The storm almost took my life and devoured me, seems to be doing something that I am really starting to appreciate and value. I feel stronger.

Yet the pain is still here. The storm is real and it really devastates, but I want to be a person who soars like the eagle. You know the Bald Eagle is a very interesting animal. When the storm comes and I mean a real storm not just some little drizzle. When a powerful hurricane hits land all the birds of the air start to frantically flee. Those little birds fly as fast as they can away from the violent storm and the devastation that the thunderous cyclone brings. But the eagle isn’t moved in the slightest. The Bald Eagle looks at the storm and just begins to mount up. It begins to look the storm right in the eye and it begins to head straight for it. It goes right through the eye of the storm and then it soars out onto the top of the storm. It flies until it is above the trial.

All the other birds are running around below the pounding clouds but the eagle soars above it. It becomes victorious over it. As the little birds fight for their lives in the darkness; the eagle experiences blue skies. It is not scared in the midst of the storm but it moves right into the middle of it. The eagle faces some heavy trials and pressure and it comes out on top of it. And that is what I long to be and what I need because this storm hitting me is the darkest one I have ever been in. I fear that I am more like the little birds fleeing for safety but I want to be a person that endures and victoriously overcomes the storms in my life; how I long to be like the eagle.

And then I look at Beethoven and all that he had to endure! The man was deaf; he could not hear. You know what he said? He said “I will take life by the throat!” He didn’t say “Forget it! That is it I am done. What do you expect me to do now? I am deaf! What kind of music can I make now? My life is OVER! Everything I am is now OVER!” That is not what he said. He said “I am going to take life by the throat!” He then went on to put together some of the greatest symphonies ever known. That is simply amazing to me! He could not hear. How did he do it? He was a man of perseverance! The storm came and he took it on and overcame the fierceness of the fiery trial. Sure the trial hurt him and it altered him but he was able to overcome all the obstacles as he simply persevered.

I am not going to let this thing in my life stop or hinder me. I am not going to let this trial that I am in slow me down altogether. Sure it will knock me off my feet but I am going to get back up and fight. I will overcome or I will die trying! Though all things are against me I am not down for the count.

When we can look at the storms in our lives and look for the eye of the storm and say that is where I am going. I am going to go right through it. It is at that time that I believe that the coal in our lives begin the process of turning into diamonds. Though I can’t see or feel it now I am sure that there are diamonds being formed deep within my wearisome soul. And it is that little glimmer of hope that I will look to as I get battered and bruised in the midst of this storm. So yeah, once again, these are my thoughts for the day.