Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Journal 11-16-10

I'm having a hard time this morning. Sometimes it really is hard dealing with the feelings that people have about me. I mean, most of the time after the initial shock of how people react when they spew their venom at me, most of the time I can deal with it and move on. But there are times when i find it more difficult and it saddens my heart. I will get over these feelings, life is just to short to dwell on them for too long and I really don't want to get into that depression thing I had a few years ago or so when I wanted to die. so dwelling on negative feelings for too long is not an option for me.

I don't know what I mean or what I want to say. I really just wish I didn't have to carry the burdens that I carry. I don't think it's fun, on the contrary, I freak out most of the time and haven't learned how to adjust to my feelings when they flood me like they tend to do. Its not like it used to be, I really do feel like I have a handle on things, I guess I just want to express that its hard to be me. That is what it comes down to. It's very hard to walk in this life as me. That's the bottom line. My road in life will be a hard one.