I live among the dead; I live in the depravity of the darkness that is buried deep inside the grave of my head. I need to be freed from the chains that I have placed myself in. I am a dead man walking; as I lay in the filth in my heart. The demons chase after me as I sob in a torrent of tears. I need to be rescued. I need to be delivered from my adversary which ultimately is me. Does anyone hear? I am my own enemy! Can anyone help? I am lost in my own darkness and I am consumed in fear as I lay bound here in the dark state that I am in.
The fire is gone as the chill runs down my spine in this nightmare. And in the midst of my darkness you are still my light. You are the One I cry out to Jesus as I long to be with you. And yet fear of death grips me in the depths of my being. I have so many regrets. I am so ashamed of who I have become and I hate who I am apart from you Jesus. Regret is all I know these days as I look and see all the horrible things I have done against you Jesus. I have lived a selfish life and a self-centered life. Lord Jesus please have mercy on me.
I feel so forsaken and desolate. I feel lost, utterly lost! Please hold me Jesus and take my broken soul. I am so deplorable and wretched. I am desperate for you, all of you, the real you. I need you Jesus. I want you, and I must have you. You are the King of all glory and I long to behold you. Please become my Prince of peace.
I am nothing at all yet you bid me to come to you. Yet I am so overwhelmed with everything. So I stand here weeping in your presence as my sobs break the silence. And as I look down at my tears, they do not hit the ground as they run off my cheek. They are caught by your nailed scarred hands which only causes me to sob even more.
Oh why do you love me so Lord? After all I have done and all the places I have been? I forget the price you paid for my life. And as my world crumbles around me, all I desire and all I want is your forgiveness and mercy. I want you Jesus. Will you have me?
Bill
