The world has crashed down around me as I am effected by the horror that is inflicted upon my soul. I never wanted to be the one to break your heart Lord. I need to find a place to rest before the sun sets. Will I lay alone? Will I have to lay my head upon a stone? And if I fall asleep will I have nightmares? Because my nightmares do not end when I am awake.
Strong winds are ravishing the waters as the waves crash upon the shores of my life. I hear the whistling of demons as they taunt me in their fury. I am in a time of despair and the outlook is grey. I feel so alone.
I have been wounded. I am desperately seeking mercy as I lay here desolate. Like a mad man I have hurt the ones I love and more than that, the One who gave himself for me. My soul longs for rest. My soul cries out for the city of peace as my heart beats relentlessly in total desperation for freedom from this body of death that I find myself trapped in.
I am hurting Jesus. Please lift this weight that I have placed upon my shoulders and help me to walk in total surrender from this day forward.
I need to hear your voice Jesus through the winds and this storm. I need to hear you. Please call out to me so I can find my way back to you. I long to be safe in the shelter that you provide in the cleft of the rock.
I know that there is no one else who can love me more than you do. And I am so blessed to be loved by you Jesus. Please hold me until this pain in me is gone. Please forgive me Jesus for doing my own will and not yours. Please forgive me for taking all the blessings that you have given to me for granted.
Forgiveness is essentially your way of removing the great obstacle to my fellowship with you Father. By cancelling my sin and paying for it with the death of your own Son, you open the way for me to see you and know you and enjoy you forever.
Thank you Father for loving me.
Bill
