When I consider the stars as the work of your hands and when I consider who You are my Lord; and who I am in light of who you are; I start asking myself, who are you to give everything for me? You withhold nothing from me and I will never know the price you chose to pay. I will never know the depth that you had to go to give everything for me. Did You really do all this just to say I love you? I am left here speechless as my mouth drops in wonder while I contemplate Your goodness towards me.
I want to shout out that You don't know who I am; who I really am in the depth of my depravity. But then my mouth shuts as I read Psalm 139 because it is clear that You know me inside out. And when I tie this into Romans 8:28-29; I start weeping. I am a wretched sinner and yet You knowing this; You still invested all that You are into me. The wisest men of the world would say that this was a bad investment; that You would be wasting Your valuable time investing in me....and You are wiser than all men. Yet You invested into me any ways. And in Your foreknowledge You predestined me to be conformed into the image, the reflection of Jesus. You have called me to reflect Your son.
I am nothing like You Lord. When I read in Your word about Your love, tenderness, compassion, mercy, and all Your other attributes, I stop and think that I am none of those things. But I desire to give You my all. I want You to take my life. I want to give You my heart, not just my body. But I want to give You all of me, not just lip service. Yet I am torn as I go back and forth over and over again between lip service and real commitment to You. I know You are what I want but sin clouds my eyes so that I cannot see at all.
The truth is that I can’t wait to see Your face, to look upon You with tears in my eyes. I long for the day that I can fall on my face and worship You my Lord face to face so to speak. I am one of those people who pierced You and yet Your love compels me to reach out to You; crying for mercy.
I reach out to You through the shadows of my depravity that I have lived through. I reach out to You through all the lies that I have believed in hopes that Your truth will set me free. I see that You are holy but as I reflect on my life, I am unholy. I am unclean. I can see Your reflection dimly. I lift my head as I see the light of Your Son. And because of the cross of Jesus I am able to take a step towards Your light as I flee the shadows of the wilderness that I have made my home in. As I see You taking my place I sob even more as the darkness starts to fade. Beneath Your cross I am able to take the steps needed to flee my past. You have given me wings so I am able to fly. I can now run the race as You carry me from darkness to light.
I was pondering the account in Luke when Mary was pregnant with You. What did she feel? What was it like for her? What was her point of view? What is the symbolism of Mary saying yes, let Christ "grow" in me? What did she do when she felt Your 1st kick in her womb? How did she feel as You literally grew day by day in her? It was obvious to everyone that You were in her because her body changed as You grew in her more and more with each passing day.
That is what I want. I want to be changed as You grow in me Jesus. I want to feel Your growing pains as You get bigger and bigger inside of me. I want to be in that place where I say, yes Lord, grow in me. Will You please grow in me Lord?
What did Mary think as she prepared for Your coming? As You grew in her she had to prepare for Your coming. And as You grow in me I also want to prepare for Your return; Your 2nd coming.
I think of how you had to break through her placenta to come. And how you literally had to break her so that she could see You with her own eyes. Yet You desire the same thing with me. You want to break me; You desire to tear down the walls of callousness in my heart so that I can finally set my eyes upon You. You desire to prepare me for Your return and in the same way that you broke through Mary’s birth canal and tore through her flesh. So you desire to do with me. You want to tear through my flesh to prepare me for Your return. So here I am Lord…..weak as I may be; I am here. Please do Your work in me….grow in me….tear through my flesh…..so I may at last behold Your glory and see You face to face.
