I am so frustrated with life. I feel like I am missing something that is so important yet I do not see what it is that I need to be looking at. I really miss Calvary Chapel Saving Grace. And I am not trying to be mean but the churches here in Oregon simply do not compare to the life that I experienced at CCSG. Things are so dead here. No one fellowships with anyone from the outside. No one cares for people here and it bothers me. I visited a church just last night and it was like we were invisible. No one even spoke to us. Why is that?
I am really bummed out and my heart is broken over the state of the church here in Portland. I am starting to visit church after church in my search for whatever it is that I am missing and the more I look, the more desperate I get. It's like every church so far that I have visited is run by one man; it isn't a living organism its a dead mausoleum and it frustrates me. I am so tired of the church being a one man show where the pastor leads worship and teaches and does this and does that and does everything and no one else is allowed to do any of these things. There is no room in these churches nor is there a desire to raise up the next generation. And my heart is broken.
I have been in the ministry for about 12 years now and really I have never had a problem doing the work of the Lord yet here in Oregon the impression I get is that the typical pastor thinks that no one is capable of hearing from the Lord but them. And therefore no one can step out and do what they are called to do because they simply are not hearing from the Lord. It really bums me out....actually it makes me angry.
Father,
I need you to heal me angry heart. I am so frustrated and simply mad. Will you help me to be the man you desire? Will you help me to resist the flesh and to walk in the Spirit? Lead me in Your ways O Lord as there is no other way that is worth traveling. I need to hear from you and I need Your leading hand to direct me so I know where to go and what to do? I know you called me here to Oregon but what is it that you desire to teach me? Do I need to surrender more? Probably. Oh my Jesus, help me to submit to you and to your authority as I work through these issues in my heart. I need you to heal me and teach me your ways. In Jesus name I pray...Amen.
